Posted by Kath on May 20, 2009, at 9:45:19
In reply to What Are You Afraid Of?, posted by ron1953 on May 7, 2009, at 7:43:06
~ ~ Hi Ron - the fact that these things exist are what allows me to be so open, honest & vulnerable in my reply to your questions. Yes, I could get replies to my post that could result in my feelings being hurt, but I know that in this place, I would be supported by basically what amounts to "Hey - that's not cool here."
I like the supportive, respectful 'feel' of PB & I like that if it starts to veer away from that, it's nudged back to supportive & respectful. Sometimes there might be bumpy times during the 'nudging' but nobody is perfect & no situation is perfect.
You asked for examples. Well, really, the length of my reply is a good example. I tend to go on & on. Some of my posts are really long. Sometimes I feel a bit weird about that, but I know that I'm not going to be attacked about it. I know that people who don't like that will just not read my posts, or skim through them. Or at worst, roll their eyes & say 'there's that flippin' woman going on & on again!' but I won't see or hear it & if I do, there's the stuff you're asking about - in place to point out if there's a reply that doesn't fit the 'feel' of it here.
> To those who strongly agree on the necessity of moderator intervention, civility warnings and the inevitable blocks: what are you afraid of?
~ ~ If there's a part of me that's afraid, it's a small, inner, very-vulnerable part.
That part is afraid of feeling unsafe.
What does feeling unsafe mean to that part of me? Probably that I'd be 'in a place' where I'd experience people being verbally attacked or being 'spoken to' meanly, or being ridiculed or not valued, so that would mean those things might happen to me.> What would happen to YOU if this PBC and block stuff wasn't in play?
~ ~ I'd feel that I could just type away. I don't pretend, or play games. I'm just 'me'. What-ya-read-is-the-real-ticket. This place has been a source of ongoing, caring support for me during times when I didn't know HOW I could go on, day to day.
That is VERY important to me. If those things weren't in place, I'd be editing myself, because I don't feel comfortable being ridiculed, attacked, put down, etc. I wouldn't feel safe being real.> What would you do if other members could react in a brutally honest fashion?
~ ~ I'd probably censor myself. Ya know, in my opinion, there's a difference in being 'brutally honest' in a kind, caring way versus being honest in a brutal way. If people were being honest in a brutal or mean way, I guess, like others have said, I'd leave. And the feelings would not be 'fear' then. They'd be sadness. I'd feel sad to have lost a place where people know my 'story' & have helped me through some of the very roughest, and indeed 'brutal' times in my life.
> Would your own "mental health" deteriorate as a result?
~ ~ Oh yeah. You bet. I'm not sure if 'deteriorate' is the exact word, but perhaps it is. For me, 'telling about it' is what helps bring my brain waves back to calm. My therapist actually has a biofeedback machine & I was trying to get it to show what 'upset' looked like on the screen so I could find ways to bring myself down. So I talked out loud about something really upsetting that had happened. Dowwwwwnnnnn came the readings! Maybe that's why my posts can be so long! (Oh yeah - that's another thing. If those things weren't in place, I'd quite possibly get uncomfortable feedback about all my !!!!!marks & capital letters. But for me, they help put expression, or emphasis in how I'm 'saying' things onto the screen, which is hard to do.)
> What else might occur if the "thought police" weren't zealously going about their business?
~ ~ I don't view them as thought police. I've never heard ANY reference by any Admin folks about what we should or shouldn't think. What else might occur if the guidelines & rules of PB weren't enforced? The 'tone' or 'feel' of PB might change. I think that the people who are here must like the tone & feel of PB or they'd leave. For those who want a different tone & feel, maybe they can find it on another forum.
As to 'zealously going about their business', I am glad they do & I sincerely appreciate the time, effort, & probably a huge list of other things that are involved in being a Deputy.> I'm serious - I really would like to hear from you.
~ ~ I'm glad that several people have replied to you. I hope it's helped you to understand how various people think & feel about this subject.
Cheers, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:894627
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090302/msgs/896782.html