Posted by Dr. Bob on April 24, 2009, at 2:06:59
In reply to I'm a complete Piece of Something » myco, posted by verne on April 23, 2009, at 1:18:37
> Hmmmm, well, sometimes, in the name of chartitablness and acceptance, we can *first* warn, immediately B4 punish(like 24 hrs) THEN if no satisfaction, perhaps a SHORT block.
>
> blocking posters, effectively banishing them for WEEKS, MONTHS at a time isn't exactly accepting behaviour....I expect it FEELS more like 'F off you disgusting person'... :-(
>
> Less shooting is good BUT, one thing that seems intrinsic to therapy, is that when there ARE breakdowns, some of the greatest gains are made by REPAIR of the relationship. If you block for weeks at a time, the window of opportunity for repair is lost.
> Conflict AND a chance for repair = growth...
>
> Dude, you think we not care bout Pat??? Of COURSE we do, DUUUUUHHHHHH.
> I also know, that she is a smart , intelligent woman, who knows the rules here, who knows what is what.
> She is NOT STUPID.
> Sh*t.
> This where you really don't get it do you?
>
> Everyboddys got their 'stuff', you too Bob, thats OK, but manoman, you surely make me nuts from time to time.
> LOL! Mebbe cuz I care hey?
>
> Muffled> > The "herd" here seems to be willing to let Fayeroe fall overboard. But maybe people are trying to support her behind the scenes. I hope so.
>
> This baffles me. How is Fayeroe falling overboard?
>
> rsk> helping others "rephrase" or whatever is not "supporting" them--it's supporting you and your current policies.
>
> raisinb> If you really cared for your black sister you would tell her to stand the hell up and give the white man his seat.
>
> Can't you see how f*ck*ng offensive that is?
>
> alexandra_kThis isn't therapy, but repair still would be nice. But the more conflict there's been, the harder it is. But it's not impossible even after weeks or months -- or years.
Blocks are about posts, not posters, though I understand posters may still take them personally. How short should blocks be? Around a month maximum was suggested before.
I saw being blocked as like falling overboard. I see how apologizing or rephrasing would support my civility policy (and repair), but not how it would support my blocking policy. Is civility or blocking the issue? I haven't meant to imply that anyone doesn't care about Fayeroe. I did think helping her stay on board was one way to show caring. Would you want your sister to go to jail?
Muffled, thanks for caring.
--
> > helping them avoid a block afterwards just means one fewer missing loved one.
>
> Why did you ask us so many times to get Verne and Jade to apologize to you? After the fact..
>
> FayeroeSo we wouldn't lose more loved ones.
> Capricious blocks (zazenducke) inevitably lead to resentment.
>
> SigismundCaprice is in the eye of the beholder. Resentment may lead to uncivil posts that lead to blocks.
> For reasons not clear to me, some people get the chance to apologise and some do not.
>
> SigismundEveryone always has the chance to apologize, and to encourage others to apologize, right away. I thought more opportunity to try that out might help, so I've been giving posters extra time when it's involved me lately.
> I think jade thought quite hard and tried to come up with as close to an aplogy as she could muster, though it perhaps was more an explanation.
>
> SigismundI haven't meant to imply that she didn't try her best. Maybe she could've used some advice on form, after all.
> I *do* think that sometimes posters are fully cognizant of the results of their posts, and would not consider other posters urging them to apologize as supportive. I think that posters are trying to convey that to Dr. Bob right now. I do understand that a poster has the right to choose to protest what they see as unjust laws by choosing to do what they are aware will result in a block.
>
> DinahThat's a good point, it could be another way of being true to oneself. A form of civil disobedience. But when people are civilly disobedient, they accept the consequences.
> verne is still posting here? lol damn
>
> mycoand myco too? lol damn
Bob
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:888433
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090302/msgs/892477.html