Posted by Daisym on November 6, 2007, at 1:38:51
In reply to Re: Support Board, posted by Dr. Bob on November 4, 2007, at 11:55:13
I take it from your response that you don't want to have a "support" board. I understand what you mean - I think you are thinking of folks being "unsupportive" vs. "only" being supportive. There is a difference, I believe and it stems from what the initial poster is looking for versus what the responder perceives. Again, it isn't always easy to come right out and say, "be nice to me, I'm fragile." I think many people have trouble with the "should's" or "oughts" -- they think they "should" be open to a discussion, particularly if they are posting about something.
I'm having trouble saying clearly what I mean. Perhaps an example?
Someone posts about getting yelled at because they are always late. They feel really bad about getting yelled at. They are hoping for "it is terrible that you were yelled at - you didn't deserve such treatment, etc." responses. Instead, they get, "try leaving earlier so you aren't late anymore," or "I yell at late people too," or "you must get some secondary gain by being late" kinds of comments. The initial poster isn't really looking for suggestions, nor are they up for being challenged. The responders think, "well then, why did you put it out here if you don't want help around it?" The board begins to struggle and then we have strife and conflict and no one posts. Or worse - we only post the most bland niceties...
anyway - thank you for thinking about it and responding. We'll work with what we have.
poster:Daisym
thread:779112
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20070817/msgs/793528.html