Posted by Aunt Virginia on April 23, 2007, at 20:57:53
In reply to Re: What will happen to Babble... » tofuemmy, posted by Dinah on April 22, 2007, at 13:22:04
>>> And I do want to give up.
Tell us more about that.
>>> I really don't understand how people can believe the things they're saying, when if what they were saying was true, how could the administrative board looks like it does right now?Are you saying those people are not understandable, that you are unable to understand those people or that for some reason you have not asserted the will to understand those people? Are you suggesting with the phrase "if what they were saying was true" that what those people *are* saying might not be true? How is it that you assert your view of how the board looks as fact while you relegate others view to a questionable status at best?
>>>If you see who is certainly not blocked, and not even pbc'd, how can it be said that we weild hammers on those who disagree with us?
Is that a rhetorical question? It can be said because people believe it to be true, that's how.
>>> If you look at my PBC's over the past few days, how can it be seen as favoritism?If you expressed some understanding of the other person's views, they might be more willing to entertain yours. To respond to another's reasons with the statement "How can you say that" can lead some to conclude that you have not been listening.
>>> I try so hard to do what is right, because doing what is right is important to me.
What seems important to you is doing what you believe is right, and presuming that your sense of right and wrong applies to the entire universe. Others hold vastly different values.
>>> I cry when I read posts, but I don't retaliate with blocks or PBC's. I only give them when something is in violation of the civility guidelines of this site.
You act when you perceive things to be such. Your action does not make them such. You do seem eager to represent yourself to others as an infallible justice. Were you perchance forced in your childhood to accept the supposed infallibility of a caregiver?
>>> But I do want to give up. I feel so hurt. So many people saying these things are people I've spent time with in chat, people I've tried to be supportive to over the years.
Did you believe your effort to offer what you believed was support would grant you a blanket of immunity against criticism when you took on an authoritarian role?
>>>People who should know that not only do I not act vindictively, but I go out of my way to not hold grudges.
In the dynamics of authoritarian groups, sometimes one member of the ruling body serves as secretary, holding grudges and patterning acceptable methods of masking authority with civility. Another might act as ambassador and fixer, constantly affirming the unquestionable good of the authority. Another might serve as the critic, entertaining criticisms from outsiders and even offering criticisms from within, creating an appearance of self-examination that might not always bear the fruit of true self-examination. Just some interesting dynamics to consider.
>>> How many times have I responded supportively when I didn't have to, and when I could have thought I had reason not to. But I try not to think of individual acts and to see a person as the whole of who they are. I try to see the good people are to others, even if they don't particularly seem to care for me.
My, you seem like a really good person. At least you say you are. Why do you feel the need to convince others of your personal worth?
>>> I do want to give up.Maybe that would be best, at least insofar as your role as a deputy here is concerned.
>>> There are other deputies, and maybe they don't feel so hurt, and maybe they don't feel so discouraged.
Or maybe acting as "deputy" to a psychiatrist who says he created the best of two worlds by separating administrative from supportive roles, but who then merged the roles while withdrawing his involvement,
...only to return occasionally to apologize for not being around and to hastily make yet more rules in response to whatever situation he steps into at the moment he found convenient to drop by,
...rules that not even Solomon could interpret fairly,
...maybe that trained professional,
...insulated by his wealth and job security,
...unfamiliar with Western colloquialisms that let his deputies violate his rules with impunity by using constant backhanded insults,
...colloquial attack styles familiar to an economic and geographic culture he has never been part of,
...has put you in an untenable position he utterly lacks the comprehension to appreciate. Maybe you have been abused by someone who asked you to do a job he couldn't do himself, even with his extensive training.The problem might be an inappropriate tolerance for and exploitation of transference. Especially if one can use extended networks to recruit members with just that need, Mr. Hsiung might have selected members who consider his efforts, no matter how flawed in part, to inevitably be useful, despite evidence to the contrary, because they need to believe their parent's authoritarian roles were appropriate. And maybe Mr. Hsiung's ego won't let him fairly balance the harm he causes with whatever good results, and prevents him from realizing people who say they get help here would get the same help elsewhere if not distracted and seduced by this forum.
>>> And I can see how this can be read all wrong too. Dinah thinking she's so good, Dinah putting down others. When all I'm trying to express is Dinah hurting and Dinah trying to do what is right despite hurting.Who is Dinah hurting? Could Dinah stop hurting if she decided to? Would Dinah not hurt if she didn't insist that her preferred self-image govern all other's perceptions of her?
poster:Aunt Virginia
thread:752412
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20070423/msgs/752876.html