Posted by madeline on December 29, 2006, at 10:18:08
In reply to Re: Would it be helpful or even possible/poss *tri, posted by Dinah on December 29, 2006, at 10:00:44
First, let me say, that I am very sad for you that your hurt reached that point for you. I'm sad when the hurt reaches that point for anyone.
<<<<<It is *very* hard to give up that way of communicating pain. Especially if it was the only way to be taken seriously as you were growing up.>>>>>>>
I agree with you, we all have to fight the demons of our childhood, however, what about those who were programmed to attack as kids? Such attacks are not allowed on babble and can result in administrative action. That behaviour must be curbed in order to be a part of babble.
<<<<<<I'm not saying it would be ok for me to have posted what I wanted to post that night. It very much wouldn't have been ok, even if Dr. Bob didn't consider it uncivil. I'm not saying that the things I did post from time to time were ok. They weren't. In addition to having the potential for making others angry, uncomfortable, or anxious it also just wasn't the best way to convey what I wanted to convey. It wasn't a pragmatic choice. It wouldn't have gotten me what I wanted. As manipulation goes, it wouldn't have been effective at all.>>>>>>
You're right, it isn't the most effective form of communication at all. Babble is about support and education, and correcting this kind of communciation, I think falls within the scope of babble.
<<<<<I really like what Linehan says about people who communicate that way. That they aren't any more manipulative than anyone else, they just aren't very effective at it. >>>>>
I have thought of that quote quite frequently lately.
<<<<<I'm not saying that what I wanted to do, or even what I may have actually done, should be allowed under the civility rules. It probably shouldn't be.>>>>
I don't think it should be.
<<<<<<On the other hand, I rather wish that what led to what I wanted to do wasn't allowed under the civility rules either. The civility rules just don't cover everything that can hurt a whole lot, and I think there are difficulties in trying to extend it to do that.>>>>>>
As I've learned during my years on babble, the civility rules aren't perfect, and even if someone is abusive to you, we do not have the right to react in kind. Our responses have be controlled even when faced with incivility.
<<<<<But I do try to keep in mind my own actions, and my own reasons, and Linehans words when I'm feeling frustrated with others who make the same choices I did, or at least that I almost did. I can't recall whether I did or didn't in actuality, and I don't think I want to remember.>>>>>
Sure, but we can never stop trying to make babble a safer place for us all.
Maddie
poster:madeline
thread:717121
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20061228/msgs/717241.html