Posted by ElaineM on November 27, 2006, at 12:16:58
In reply to Re: How to Support and Help, posted by Dinah on November 27, 2006, at 11:17:18
>>>>>And maybe the real key to "neutrality" is not to invest yourself too deeply in someone else's change or recovery.
I think that's good advice. Though I also think it must be stated that not only should accepting or not-accepting advice be respected and understood, but that not wanting to take part at all, or removing oneself at anytime one chooses, be respected and responded to neutraly as well.
>>>>All you can do is try your best and accept philosophically the result. Instead of being angry, muse to yourself that it just wasn't the time.
True, but again, it's also important to avoid getting angry(or whatever else) when the words offered (as long as they've been civil) are not only the ones you'd prefer to hear. I think it's very important to also remember that both communicators in an interaction have equal responsibility in assuming control of themselves, the words they use, the emotions they express and the interpersonal consequences [as applicable in Babble context]. I just think it is important to keep a balance in explaining how to offer words, and also how to recieve them. Cause if both sides aren't treated equally, then the whole processes loses esteem.
>>>>And even when someone chooses not to take advice, that doesn't mean that the advice isn't heard and appreciated - even if it might feel that way.
True. Though for me personally, it's not about advice not being heard or appreciated, it's about how it's responded to in general. Someone can reject words or actions or advice in an equally neutral way. Which, in my opinion, doesn't happen all the time. [if it's required for me to give specific examples that are relevant (just to me personally) and confusing to me, from the thread this orginally came from then I could, but I've left it out for now in favor of the big picture]
>>>>And maybe the real key to "neutrality" is not to invest yourself too deeply in someone else's change or recovery.
I wanted to add "or in other posters response or non-response pattern". That said, I would completely agree and support this idea Dinah.
I just think, in general, the most important thing is for everyone to always see both sides - not just the side that may be interpreted (and I say interpreted, incase PBC's aren't involved) as uncivil, or more uncivil. But of course, not only that side either.
Dinah, I do sincerely appreciate you trying to smooth things out and explain. I always envy your composure and patience :-) I'm sorry others are hurting right now too. Thinking of *all* of you.
Just my own two cents.
blove EL[sorry, i didn't know if I should click the box for you, but I did cause I used quotes from your post, and said your name :) ]
poster:ElaineM
thread:707717
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20061018/msgs/707821.html