Posted by Dr. Bob on September 24, 2006, at 21:43:40
In reply to Re: Dissenting viewpoint » Racer, posted by jlynne on September 22, 2006, at 23:57:38
> I can certainly understand the rejection one must feel when they get blocked. ... IMO blocking a poster might tend to reinforce that person’s general feelings of being “unacceptable”. Perhaps ... the deputies could take the time to paraphrase an offensive post using “appropriate” wording and present it to the poster? ... We can’t control how others behave/think/feel, but we CAN control how WE react, including the decision to NOT react. ... Would love and acceptance perhaps be a better choice? IMO pbc's and blocks do not really create “safety”, they just help create the illusion of “control” in our lives.
> IMO the “parent-child” attitude may be one of the main issues I have here. ... The parent-child relationship has deep-seated emotional power – notice how many of us revert when dealing with our parents. ... The time-out concept is no longer accepted as widely as it once was; it is being replaced with the concept of acknowledging/validating feelings and suggesting more appropriate means of expressing those feelings.
>
> My goal is to grow and learn how to not play roles ... I think it would be healthier for us to learn how to cope with our own emotions, rather than to rely on a “parent” to intervene for us.Thanks for trying to make things better here. I understand that people can feel rejected when they're blocked, and that that can add to other rejections in the present or the past.
I do think it can be important to try to control how one reacts -- or doesn't. No one's ever been blocked for not reacting, and not reacting may also help keep one from slipping into roles, lead to growth, and make outside intervention unnecessary.
If people are interested in alternative ways of expressing themselves, they're welcome to discuss that here, either after they're blocked or, ideally, before. They can also ask other posters to preview their posts before they submit them.
Blocks don't make it completely safe here, but IMO they do have some effect, that's not just an illusion. I could be better at validating feelings, but the wish for love and acceptance can also be part of a deep-seated "parent-child attitude".
Bob
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:688269
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060918/msgs/688876.html