Posted by Dinah on June 6, 2006, at 9:45:38
In reply to Re: Civility clarifications » Dinah, posted by zazenduck on June 6, 2006, at 8:58:27
> I did not mean to imply in any way that you were lacking in moral courage. I withdraw my comment. I am acquiring civility scrupulosity on this board.
Why, I thank you for that. It must be my obsessiveness, but I was a wee bit hurt. I had rather thought my moral courage was self evident. I pray you will allow me my small vanities.
> > I don't ever recall myself lacking in moral courage enough not to say what I think to Dr. Bob. If I remember correctly, one of my first interactions with Dr. Bob involved threatening to have my mother give him a good talking to.
>
> Were you serious?I was completely serious. I don't recall what the point was now, but it was before I knew him well. Or rather as well as I do now, which still isn't particularly well. My mother's crusades were usually either about doing what you thought was right (and I can't imagine I'd fuss at that with Dr. Bob who appears to always do what he thinks is right) or about embracing differences in others and being tolerant and inclusive (so I by process of elimination, it probably had something to do with that). I really enjoy Dr. Bob's sense of humor when he employs it, and it seemed clear to me that he was employing humor.
> > And him replying that that was fine, just to have her please register under her own posting name.
> >
> > I like Dr. Bob as well. I think I liked him since he made that very polite response to my impassioned post.
>
> It's interesting that you interpreted it that way :) I think I would have felt like he missed the point if he failed to respond to what I was impassioned about and responded literally to the threat to have my mom talk to him. I think Estella was right that Bob's style does encourage transference. I scrupulously note that I do not mean anything remotely negative by that observationWell, I have felt like that at other times, I must confess. But if I have the patience to be persistent and he has the time, he can usually accurately reflect back to me what I'm saying after a fair few rounds of clarification. And even if he doesn't agree with me, and I might wish that he appreciated my wisdom more, I'm generally content with feeling heard.
> I think I saw him originally as an idealist trying to form a community which let people meet on common ground and discuss things which had been the domain of doctors. That was back in the days before registration. The only rule was please be civil. And when someone was blocked-SURPRISE-it wasn't me :) there wasn't even a number a days the person just emailed Bob when he was ready to return. I thought Bob was a true humanitarian and a champion of people who hadn't had a voice-people labelled mentally ill. And of course that was transference too I suppose. I always felt very protective of him because he seemed a little naive to me in those days. *rolling my eyes at myself*:) I think the challenges facing him changed as the board grew bigger, and he changed as he thought best to deal with the new challenges. I was mightily impressed by Dr. Bob's ability to be polite yet firm in person and to be aware what was happening all around him and found him more than capable of taking care of himself, and changed my opinion of him by meeting him. But FWIW, there were elements in your assessment of him that I still wouldn't disagree with. And perhaps if you trusted your original judgement of him, but added the tremendous challenge of keeping a board this size running, there might be very charitable explanations for what he does.
I'm jealous, you know. I'd have loved to be around then. I've read the archives of course. But it was a different time on Babble, and while there were many gains in the way it changed, there were also clearly losses.
> And so my criticism of him is in part because I feel like he strayed so far from his own ideals which of course were not his but my own which I guess I projected onto him........or maybe not.
Or maybe not. :)
> But then by the time you realize that you misinterpeted this place it's too late to leave because so many wonderful things can happen here
>
> like finding Henrietta and Ludvig WittgensteinSo many wonderful things happen here, and I meet so many wonderful people. And I lose so many people I care about too, since few people stick around forever. It took a while for me to be able to accept that, if I've gotten there yet. Actually, I don't think I've gotten there at all.
> > And I'm also sad when people feel hurt. I've always suspected that Dr. Bob is as well.
>
> I try not to have suspicions about Dr Bob I really really try :) Where did he go and why did he leave that very strange picture before he went.
>
>I don't know. :( If I were to wave a magic wand, I'd have Dr. Bob at least tell the deputies when he'd be gone and for how long. And check for deputy emails first. I think he's been on the meds board. I hope nobody gets upset by that. He usually starts there. Perhaps he feels nostalgia too.
I hope my answer wasn't too ponderous. I tend to be a bit ponderous.
poster:Dinah
thread:646675
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060525/msgs/653586.html