Posted by Dinah on May 7, 2006, at 15:14:02
In reply to Undying Love » Dinah, posted by verne on May 7, 2006, at 9:28:58
> I just don't value cyberhugs and expressions of concern, care, or, even love, when, as soon as one side experiences some rough weather, they quickly drift apart. I've seen, "I love you so much" turn into complete indifference overnight. If the same people leave Babble for good, they are quickly forgotten.
Self preservation, Verne. At first every person who moved on from Babble left a giant hole in my heart. There are so many I cared about who left one way or another. If I didn't guard that heart, there'd be nothing left of it. Because most people come and go at Babble. But do I miss Ted and Dreamer and Noa and Trouble and any number of other posters who post no more (at least not that I know of)? Of course. The people they knew might move on as well, but those who knew and care about them will always remember.
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> There are so many back channels here at Babble. So much between and behind the lines. People form alliances and defend each other from others but never really develop true friendships. Loyalties change, new alliances form - kinda like the reality show "Survivor". The goal becomes winning at Babble. This is a game about POWER and WINNING not support.I don't see it that way. I know a lot of people have a lot of off board contact. I have very little, actually. I sort of am a bit envious sometimes. But I also recognize that I'm a lousy correspondent.
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> There are many ways to WIN.
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> Zeugma talked about damning with "faint praise". The fist hidden beneath the velvet glove may be employed in many ways. Sometimes attacks aren't that obvious.
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> For example, if an outsider is found to be threatening to a group, others will lavish so much praise on each other, the "intruder" is silenced, her posts drowned out. I mean, the gang will turn the thread into a mutual lovefest to exclude, isolate, and quietly, but civily, destroy the unwelcome interloper. And later when the other is blocked or leaves in frustration, they remain blameless - "What did we do?"I'm not saying this doesn't happen. I think it's human nature to be protective of people we know. But as you've probably seen, it often just takes a bit of getting to know the other person and it evens out. I could give you several examples, but I've found that that's not usually very helpful, as in fact what I'm writing right now is rarely helpful. One of my personal Babble goals is to learn to accept that I can't always or even often be helpful. And that my most earnest attempts not infrequently leave things worse rather than better.
> I'm sure you've noticed how many civil posts are carefully crafted, within the civility guidelines, to provoke a fight with someone - to tork them off. How is this possible in the context of support and civility? Being smooth with the rules is rewarded, awkward support isn't.
I don't really see that all that often. Certainly I see it sometimes. I think I've seen everything sometimes. But I also know that I've been accused of it when I wasn't trying to express my uncivil feelings civilly at all. I tend to (at least in this stage of my Babble life) walk away. So I tend to, whenever at all possible, to interpret other people's posts with that in mind. That sometimes a banana is just a banana.
poster:Dinah
thread:640562
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060412/msgs/641004.html