Posted by Dr. Bob on February 14, 2004, at 0:55:31
In reply to Is this community making you mentally healthier?, posted by Phil on February 12, 2004, at 23:46:21
> I have to disagree and find it hard to believe a psychiatrist would ever advise swallowing your anger when you are hurt for the sake of getting along or not getting blocked. The goal here is to "learn" how to get along.
Well, sometimes people get along better if they keep some things to themselves.
> These discussions don't have to be hostile but mental health = not denying your feelings. If someone gets hurt on this board ... are you recommending they swallow their anger?
It can be therapeutic to express yourself, but this isn't necessarily the place:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
> many people here need to know what they are feeling is valid and express, in a non-accusatorial way, that,i.e. 'Phil, what you said hurt my feelings.'
I agree, but it tends to be more civil to talk about how you feel than what someone else did, for example, to use an I-statement like "Phil, I feel hurt by what you said":
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
> If the board operates as one big dysfunctional family with no guidance, just longer vacations, we are being taught that anger is bad
Vacations are one form of guidance. It's incivility, not anger, that's the problem.
> What I hope could happen is that people learn healthy ways to communicate...
Racer recently had what I thought was a good idea:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040112/msgs/305106.html
So I revised the standard PBC language to include "alternative ways to express yourself". Now we're just waiting for thirsty horses...
Bob
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:312679
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040112/msgs/313100.html