Posted by Kalamatianos on December 16, 2003, at 20:26:11
>>>Eddie Sylvano>>devan00<<<
>>>Change involves two things, learning to identify when you're doing something "wrong", and then doing it right. They're both difficult. Identifying maladaptive behavior is difficult, because it's automatic. You just do things that way. It's also somewhat subjective, and it's easy to rationalize your behavior in most instances. It helps to think about specific situations in which you usually act in a way that you'd prefer not to, so that you're more likely to be aware of it the next time it happens. It also helps to have a plan for an appropriate replacement behavior. I don't want to labor the point, it's admittedly simple, but you really have to be aware at all times of what you're doing, because you're on auto-pilot when you typically do them. It's hard to maintain constant self-awareness.That's really it. It sounds obvious, I know, but you just have to force yourself to do the right thing at all times. If you do it enough, your automatic reactions will slowly change to incorporate the new behaviors, but it takes a long time. It's a lot like dieting, or learning the violin. It works when you're working at it, but fails if you drop your self-awareness. Without conscious control of ourselves, we are our unconscious. The only way to shape unconscious behaviors is through practice.
Beyond that, challenge the beliefs you hold about yourself and the world. Scrutinize them as objectively as possible under the light of real world observations. If it helps, pretend that you're actually remotely controlling someone else's behavior and success in the world, some pet person who you're responsible for. What would you do to make your project person succeed in the world. How would you take care of them? Consider that we're all equal, and entitled to the same respect and dignity. >>>URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031213/msgs/290538.html
<<<Kalamatianos response>>> All great stuff but he used the "you" word throughout. I got hammered for this transgression. It'll be interesting to see the board reactions to his sharing. I don't take myself that seriously that really it matters to me. On the contrary, I appreciated the feedback, which caused me to stop "teaching" and focus on the first-person tense of what I was saying. I can explain how it was, what I did to change, and how it is today. I now can catch myself remembering how bad it really was and how great it really is today, when I'm not trying to hide behind the "teaching paradigm".
poster:Kalamatianos
thread:290748
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20031120/msgs/290748.html