Posted by Zo on July 6, 2002, at 21:46:04
In reply to *Psycho-Babble Peace Keepers*..PLEASE read, posted by jay on July 6, 2002, at 4:10:39
> People leaving..people holding a grudge...people arguing...fighting..people showing disrespect to others..etc.
Jay,Can I ask you, and those who have called this is "animosity towards Bob," to take a look at just two of the many people presently concerned enough to speak out? Iso and I are not kids, we are not rebellious teens, we are moms, and I don't know about Iso, but I'm a grandmother. I think we are both older than Bob. We do know a thing or two. I am a non-practicing therapist. I do know a thing or two.
KK. Dear KK departed in such sorrow and regret. Distressed to discover how little her presence meant to the Admin--far less than that of a disruptive member who never fit within site guidelines in the first place. So much so, that the Admin was willing to let her walk, rather than take a look .
A level of unresponsiveness and unaccountability that is not what I want in an Admin, and maybe not what you want either.
But the inevitable result of Admin who has restricted himself to Admin of Uncivil. No matter how good a job he does at that. . .there are certain gaps?
Anything that provokes a valued, loved member into, finally, leaving, contains a lot of valuable info on how to better Admin of the group.
I can't blame people for not wanting to get involved--you risk PBCs which lead to Blocking which leads to red-flagging *all* future posts for Bob's scrutiny. . it is easier to just go along.
But, if you are the sort of poster who can successfully go along, or whose post have not attracted Bob's attention, please respect those who have a different experience here, and deal with it differently.
I’ve watched Admin take no action with a member who upset a lot of people--as well he might, his is opposed to the purpose this group holds ----when it would have been a kindness to gently but firmly show this member the door. . .because THAT would be GUIDING him toward that which he wants! A group where he is appreciated and respected in a way that cannot happen here! This is guidance that member is not getting! His needs aren't being met by Admin either!
And making a whole new board doesn’t solve that problem, iIt is a best a temporary fix. It's also a guarantee this person is going to know more rejection and more pain.
Sorry, Bob, you tried--maybe next time include the actual welfare of the actual person? Thanks!
Please be more sensitive, the the future, with your response to those of us who are upset by another member. “Don’t read him” doesn't not qualify as a responsive response. I could go to back my ex if that was all I wanted.
I am ALREADY upset and hurting, so telling me not to be is. .. kinda invalidating, no? Pretty unwilling to give it any thought?
And this lack of concern makes me feel even worse. Excuse me? Am I invisible, my support of others invisible? But this upsetting member has his own board created for him?
This is how some of us feel. (No, I don't want my own board!)
It's almost as if you trust your most valued posters to take it in the ear--and come back for more. You've been really approving of me when I gracefully accepted a block.
I could just kick myself, now. You'd think I was old enough to stop taking that bait. Still, I expect a nice man has my interests somewhere on his scope. Stupidass me.
He is thinking about what works for *him,* he couldn't be less eager to hear your ideas. Mostly he is busy noodges everything towards one resut: approval of him.
The fact that he does this would put any sane person off. The fact that he thinks he *must* force reality this way, to find approval--these things that are free! that require no force!---is well nigh unto delusional. To me.
How is it that Bob, in this case, misses the most obvious thing? --If you treat people well, they will give you approval. If you don't, they will be resentful and angry, and eventually leave.
Oh, and you have to treat them well by *their* definition. No fair imposing your own.
This is useful feedback.
But many guys are more fond of their peice of paper, the sense of Control it gives them. . .and frequently let people walk, just as long as they're still In Charge.
Because people are walking, and being let walk, this tells me something about where you're at, Bob. It tells me that ownership of the site, and/or our function as guinea pigs, is more important to you than the feelings *or* presence of anyone here. I realize that is not what your *words* tell me.. . .but what is that saying?
Listen to what men *do*, not what they say.
Jay, you and the Peacekeepers got your work cut out for you. Good luck! ;-)Zo
poster:Zo
thread:6038
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020627/msgs/6053.html