Posted by NikkiT2 on February 13, 2005, at 9:35:31
Hi all,
OK, where to start.
Firstly, I have withdrawn my resignation at work on the advice of my chief exec, but he really has no ideas of why I resigned, and I wasn't able to tell him.
The bullying at work is increasing. I wish, in a way, I could put this down to me being irrational.. But way too many people come up to me and mention it (with no prompting from me), and ask if she always treats me the way she does - this is the thing, she does it in front of everybody. She balls me out in front of everybody, for things that she has right to ball me out over.. She has a tendency to change her mind about how she wants me to do things, yet not tell me until I finish the task and then she balls me out over doing it incorrectly.. As an example, I ordered our chief exec a new phone 3 weeks ago - he had a very strict list of requirements and only two phones matched these. Unfortunately, both phones were out of stock. I told boss that I had ordered phone a. The phone company said it would take a week to come into stock. Then they said another week, and then another. After 3 weeks, phone b came into stock, so I said to send me that one. Boss balls me out in front of everyone as its taking so long for phone to arrive, so I explain (again) the situation, and that I have actually just ordered phone b as its now it stock. She blows up at me, telling me that I should have ordered phone b in first place, that she doesn't like phone a, and that I must be completely incompetant to even consider phone a (it was cheaper, and had a very cool part to it that I know chief exec would have loved).. Thats just one example, but it is happening atleast 6 times a day over various things. Every single thing I do, I do wrong it seems (though nealry always I haven't, she just has no understanding of IT stuff).. She accuses me of being un professional for having friendships outside of work with my colleagues (this is from the woman who went shopping at a sex shop in her lunchbreak and then got her vibrators out in the middle of the office to show everyone - inclduing in front of a very naive 21 year old male temp we had in)
This week she told me that she was "shocked" that my psychiatrist had written a report in support of me returning to work and doesn't understand how I passed my medical checks when joining.Oh.. the list in endless.. just a constant bash bash bash against all my self esteem I had been rebuilding. My panic attacks have returned, and I seem to spend half my life outside of work in tears because of having to see her the next day at work.
I'm losing concentration at work, and finding it harder and harder to cope with my workload (which is incredibly heavy too), and mistakes are now creeping in.
I'm at a loss to know what to do. I want to leave.. but then I adore nearly everyone else I work with, the location could hardly be more perfect, the building is an amazing building to work in.. But I don't know how much more I can take. I arrive in the morning, every day determined to make that day a better day, but by lunch time she has broken me down to desperate - every single day
I'm failing to see light at the end of this tunnel.. Oh, and she would write any reference for me were I to try and get another job!!!
I guess it just feels bleak at the moment *sighing*
Nikki x
poster:NikkiT2
thread:457104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20041213/msgs/457104.html