Posted by Noa on November 28, 2004, at 13:23:47
In reply to There's no where to write about ..., posted by Shar on November 27, 2004, at 23:51:47
Shar--I'm glad you came here to dump, and of course I want to respond!
I'm sad that you are feeling so low. I still look forward to seeing your posts.
Me? I've been contemplating the last call on my biological clock. I've always wanted to have kids, but had stopped thinking about it for a long time because it was too painful to think about it.
Then recently I realized I've been having the most regular periods of my life for most of the past year. And having regular signs of ovulation which I never noticed before because I'm not sure they used to happen (I used to go a few months and then have super heavy periods which were probably not ovulation-induced). So the thought started arising as to whether I wanted to have a biological baby and if I do it has to happen SOON because I'm well into my forties.
I'm SO incredibly ambivalent--is it something I can handle, etc. etc.? How will I deal with my meds, etc.? How do I feel about what it would be like for a child with no "knowable" father, etc. etc.?
My feelings go back and forth on all of this. But I decided I have to do the research--see the ob/gyn and a fertility specialist, strategize with my pdoc, etc. etc.
Not to mention start keeping my place more livable. Part of me feels that I'm not fit to be a parent due to my depression--I'm afraid of what happens if I can't care for the child during a depressive episode? And look at how I keep my apartment and all the bad habits I've developed in terms of taking care of household and paperwork etc.
Ironically, though, my therapist and I think that I would find it easier to keep the place clean and functional if it weren't just for myself.
Then there are the financial work/family issues. I would really want to stay home with a baby at least for a while but I would not be able to afford that. And can I afford the cost of childcare?
OK and not to mention that I'm not even sure my body could manage a pregnancy--I'm way overweight and have insulin resistance. I think I'd need to get in better shape before getting pregnant.
So this is what's been on my mind lately.
poster:Noa
thread:421149
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040626/msgs/421323.html