Posted by SLS on July 21, 2004, at 7:46:44
In reply to Re: Nikki? I'd like you opinion on something » SLS, posted by Racer on July 20, 2004, at 12:35:11
Hi Racer.
> To give you an idea of how I am today, I wrote you a long, caring post a little while ago, then managed to delete the whole damn thing by mistake.
Ouch. I feel deprived.
> Have you always had this sort of problem reading?
Not really. It became severe as my depression became severe. It is tied in directly to depression.
> There's a big streak of reading problems in my family, and it's a subject that interests me a lot, so I'm very curious and hoping you won't mind telling me a bit about what it's like for you.
I don't really know what there is to tell. I can see the letters. I can see the words. I can't make the words go into my head. I feel a great weight on my mind that slows my thoughts and crushes me as I continue to read each word. It is an extreme mental fatigue. Reading saps my strength. It is not a problem of concentration. I am concentrating as hard as I can. I just can't process a sequence of words. I can't even get my eyes to continue to move forward through the sentence I'm reading when I reach my limit. My limit is usually 2 1/2 sentences. Your posts are usually too long for me.
> Also, for the past year, I've been unable to read.
I don't see how you can say that after starting this thread. Do you skim through entire books? I have to skim through everything. The medical stuff that you think I have mastered is really the result of skimming through the brief abstracts on Medline. I don't even read those word for word.
> This is the first time in my life that I haven't been able to turn to the written word for solace, and it was less like losing a limb than losing a vital organ.
After 25 years of not reading, I cannot fully appreciate what I have not been exposed to. I cannot fully appreciate what I have failed to learn and understand. Whenever I am confronted by a situation that demonstrates my deprivation of the knowledge that comes primarily from reading, I suffer a real trauma that can take days to get over. I am fortunate that the good Lord has seen it fit to give me a gift of being able to do so much with so little.
> It's only in the last few weeks that I've been able to read again.
When I attained remission in 1987 for 9 months, I remember reading an entire book with ease. I didn't have to push at all. I was actually drawn to each page in a way that had them turning one after the other without my having to stop after every few sentences. It was like being able to ride a bike for the first time. It was so cool to be able to ride wherever I wanted to with so little effort.
I really appreciate the time you took to write the letter you accidently deleted. :-) The one you posted was just find.
- Scott
poster:SLS
thread:367687
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040626/msgs/368523.html