Posted by Racer on July 11, 2004, at 13:45:48
In reply to Why is it the same old triggers.., posted by NikkiT2 on July 11, 2004, at 9:22:14
I don't know.
Now, if I were a normal person, I could stop there, right? Not me...
Here are my thoughts on it, though, for what they're worth....
Nature abhors a vacuum. (Which tells you a lot about my housekeeping, right there.) If there's money left after the necessities are paid for, nature comes in and sucks it all away. Now, that's only my theory for when it happens to me. (Meaning all the time.)
The solutions are there, but they're the sorts of solutions that are so much harder to do than the problem itself, you know? You could do what I used to do: set up a very stringent budget and absolutely adhere to it until it just sucks you under into the kind of depression where any money that exists stays put because you never go anywhere that would allow you to spend it and don't even have the energy to pay the bills that come in. (Yeah, there are a few problems with doing it that way...)
Is it possible that this is a specific situation that relates to your new job? That is, could it be that having had to buy some new clothes to get you through the beginning of a new job might be the biggest factor in your current skintiness? That once you're up and running, you'll be in a better place? And if you think that might be it, can you hold on to that until things look safer to you? Or is this more of a pattern that repeats no matter how much or how little is coming in? (I've done both of those, by the way. Sometimes, especially when depression is sneaking up on me and I'm trying to deny it, I'll kinda subconsciously spend up to the limit as a sort of self-medication/self-punishment.)
Whatever it is, I guess the practical part of me says that the best solution I've ever found for it is to be sort of organized without being TOO organized. (Yeah, I get a little obsessive about organization. Often I'm not aware of it. A girlfriend of mine once opened my pantyhose drawer to grab a pair and nearly fell on her butt: "Racer! Your pantyhose is filed by color!!!" I'd never really thought about it, but it was true.) What I did, in my most sucessful financial organization days, was to put [x] amount into a longer-term savings account, which wasn't in the same bank as my other accounts; put [y] into a short term savings account at the same bank as my checking account; and the rest went into checking for bills, food, etc. That way, I could save up for the "toys" I wanted a little bit at a time without destroying myself all the way around. Does that make sense? I still do something similar, although it's all kinda moot right now, since I'm totally skint from the past year's nightmare. I have a small savings account, and everything that goes into my checking account gets a little bit of a discount that goes into savings. That way, the big things I want can come as soon as I save up enough. (Right now, I'm saving for a loom so that I can learn to weave. It's mostly in the "textile therapy" catagory, so by the time I've got enough saved, I may no longer need it.) If you want to be a little more detailed than that, you could also put [w] aside for lunches out while you're working, or for after work gatherings with friends, etc. Depends on how you work that way, you know? I'd be afraid to start something like that, since I tend to get TOO organized, if I let myself start adding catagories.
My mother, who taught me all these bad habits, had another way of dealing with it: she had a couple of file folders in her filing cabinet. One was "lunch money", another "groceries", etc. Each folder held that week's allotment in cash. It wasn't a perfect system, obviously, but it did work for her.
I dunno. I think, at least for me in my own experience, the problem is one of discipline, and those of us who have had problems with mood disorders are also the ones who have the hardest time dealing with this sort of thing. I also suspect that we're the ones who are most sensitive to our failures in this regard.
Nikki, my dear, I wish I could tell you something that would relieve your discomfort in this regard. I can't. I go through a great deal of distress over the very same thing myself, so all I can say is -- well, ok, let's be honest here: all I can really say is that, if I were a hugging sort of person, I'd send you a hug. I'm not, but my heart is holding a little Nikki shaped spot for you.
Bestest luck and better finances to you.
poster:Racer
thread:364979
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040626/msgs/365026.html