Posted by Racer on May 18, 2004, at 1:38:04
OK, you all know that I cancelled that appointment with the REAL psychiatrist, because of the money angle. After the first day of work, my husband says that there may be even more trouble on the insurance front, but something will happen soon, at which point I'll go to see a doctor who maybe will listen to me and treat me. Dr EyeCandy seems to be listening to everyone else except me, and no matter how crazy it may sound, I do think he was being punitive in prescribing Remeron to me. (If for no other reason than that its two main side effects are two of the main reasons for discontinuation of other drugs in the past. That seems to me to be good reason to avoid it, right?)
Now here's my dilemma: our marriage counselor has a therapist she supervises who will see me -- IF I'm medicated. She left a message for me today, saying that I need to see a psychiatrist for medication in order to be seen by this therapist. It was unclear to me whether that was a prerequisite or a 'in order for the therapy to help, you'll need to be more stable' lecture. Whichever it was, this therapist will have an opening for me in early June. On Friday, we'll talk about whether she can start seeing me before I get a real doctor, which will clear some of that up. (I'll probably call the counselor before then, to ask for clarification of that.)
Here's the question: the therapist I'm seeing now at the same agency as Dr EyeCandy isn't close to gaining my trust. In fact, I feel as if I'm just passing messages around to the rest of the agency when I'm in session with her. And she's just not a good fit for me, period. I'd like to go ahead and cancel therapy with her -- NOW -- rather than waiting until the new one opens up.
Again, I do feel as if I've failed in all this, and I feel as if I need to be doing everything I can to do something about my state. But I don't feel as if this therapist is getting anywhere near helping me, and often I leave there feeling much worse than when I went in. Not in the 'wow, that was a draining session because we really got at some roots,' but in the 'damn it all, there really is no hope for me, and she didn't understand a damn thing I said' sense. Can anyone come up with a compelling reason for me to continue on with her? Or do you think it's OK to go ahead and cancel therapy now, knowing that I'll be able to be seen by someone else in a couple of weeks?
Thanks.
Oh, and while I've doped myself to the gills on Xanax all day, it was much better than on the drug. Again, I feel as if it's my fault the drug didn't work, etc, but I'm glad I stopped it. Thank you all for your support through all this.
poster:Racer
thread:348038
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040501/msgs/348038.html