Posted by Racer on April 13, 2004, at 9:41:28
In reply to Another Loss, posted by shar on April 12, 2004, at 23:32:28
Dear Shar,
I didn't want to answer this one, but not responding didn't seem fair to you. You already know a bit about what I'm going through, with feeling as if I'm not being heard by anyone around me, and feeling patronized when people say things like, "I want to honor your feelings..." I didn't want to answer this because I was afraid of giving you that same feeling by anything I wrote.
But, since you do matter to me, I'm going to try.
Reading your post, I can feel how traumatic that would feel for me. Rationally, it's easy to say that it's a sign of how much progress you've made -- and I'm sure that part of you can see that. That rational part, though, must be being drowned out by the keening wails of an abandoned child, screaming for comfort. That's a terrible feeling, and one that often leaves me hiding under the bed (emotionally -- can't really get under there, too many boxes...) I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this, and wish there was something I could do to help you through it.
On the other hand, I also know that you can get through it. I know that you're a woman -- by definition much stronger and more resiliant than any man. (<< Guess how I'm feeling about men these days?) OK, let's try that again: I know that you, personally, are a strong, smart, resiliant woman with many, many tools to help you emerge from adversity much stronger than before. I also know, or at least extrapolate from my own experiences, that it sure doesn't feel worth it when something like this happens.
Keep in mind that you have strong thoughts coming to you from California. Keep in mind that you can always write to me, or to another nameless correspondent just down the coast. Keep in mind that there's a lot of support for you here on this board. And keep in mind that you know how bad it feels, and that anyone who says it shouldn't feel bad is trying to help -- even if it doesn't.
Dear Shar, I hope that helps a little. You can call your T if things get bad, but you can also use this as an opportunity to try to make a similar relationship with someone else in Real Life, or create that relationship with yourself. And you have my deepest sympathy for your loss.
poster:Racer
thread:335788
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040213/msgs/335900.html