Posted by Racer on March 12, 2004, at 23:08:27
OK, you know how sometimes people here say I'm a little hard on myself? Well, they're wrong -- I'm lazy, undisciplined, generally do really shoddy work, etc. So, for example, when my pdoc said something about me being a perfectionist, my first reaction was to think, "How wrong can one man be? I'm not a perfectionist -- nothing I do is perfect!" Getting the picture, right?
Keep in mind that I'm not leaving the house, not doing anything at all, just waiting for relief or release. Since I'm not leaving the house, I'm not getting a lot of social contact, right? And so I have plenty of mental time to mull over what anyone I do see says to me. That's also pretty important to this revelatory experience.Got that picture clearly in your mind? Good, then it's time to go on to the next piece of my puzzle for the day.
Anyway, at my last appointment with the pdoc, we were talking about kids books, and how we find ourselves going back to them for comfort as adults. His face lit up, and he said, "The Little Prince!" Now, I've read that book, in three languages, and it's never spoken to me in any of them. When he said that, I cringed. "What's wrong with me, that I can't find the magic in this universally admired and revered book? Everyone seems to think it's magic, and it didn't do a thing for me. Must be my fault, something wrong with me."
Today I reread it. In English, since I'm basically monolingual these days, and it still sat quietly in my hands, showing me its charms, but never trying to share them with me. The book just doesn't move me.
That's all lead in, by the way. Just so that you can understand the incredible power of my epiphany.
You know what? That a book so admired by so many, a book which has deep meaning for other people, a book which provides comfort and meaning to many, does not speak to me means exactly one thing: it means that it doesn't touch me. Nothing more. There's nothing wrong with the fact that this one book amongst many leaves me with no music in my soul. It just means that its magic is not my magic, it is not in harmony with my song. Simply put: I don't *have* to be moved by it! (Why am I getting Jonathan Livingston Seagull vibes? Another book I never quite saw as others seemed to.) Hell, most of my favorite poets leave most of the world cold, when you come right down to it, and while I think it's only because readers don't see the deeper beauty to them, I never think there's anything wrong with those other readers. (In fact, I tend to question why they resonate so well for me, but that's another problem for another day.)
So, my epiphany is that it's OK not to be moved by something just because it moves others. It's OK to like something for no more reason than because I like it, or to be indifferent to something just because it leaves me indifferent. I don't have to like something just because others like it. It doesn't mean they're right or I'm wrong. It just means that my taste is not the same as theirs.
So, anyone here wanna tell me why it took me so damn long to figure this out?
poster:Racer
thread:323811
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040213/msgs/323811.html