Posted by Racer on March 1, 2004, at 13:56:30
Well, it's not totally negative. She did address some of my "issues" without me bringing them up. She asked specific enough questions that I could answer them, which is good, and I like her, which is also good.
BUT
The problem is that one of my immediate concerns has to do with the treatment I'm receiving through the medication clinic within the same agency for which she works. It's a really big concern for me, and it relates directly to, and is a good illustration of, my underlying problems. It has to do with self-doubt, self-blame, and an inability to trust my own perceptions even when I can see external factors which tend to support my own conclusions. I know, I'm being cryptic there, but it's hard to say what I feel without feeling as though I'm either suffering delusions of grandeur, or being insufferably arrogant, or generally being foundationally "wrong" -- all things that are integral to my personal struggle.
When I brought this up as a topic for discussion -- stating clearly that I wanted to explore my own perceptions and how they relate to my problems, and NOT asking her to commit herself to judgements on her collegues -- she absolutely shut me down. "All of our doctors are quite well qualified, and I really can't step into their area of responsibility." Not in a cruel way, not in an uncaring way, nothing negative, just no positive effort to understand what I was asking for, at least that I could see. I think she was trying to set a limit from the start regarding the boundaries of what THERAPY encompassed, and trying to prevent me from looking to her for intervention with the medication department. That's all good, it's all appropriate, but there's still one little problem: I do feel the need to talk about it, to figure it out for myself, and either to adapt to the circumstances or to adapt the circumstances to my needs. I guess I want her to help me discover which of those is the best option open to me at this time, and by refusing to discuss what I perceive as an immediate problem, I'm hearing from her that it's my problem, and my responsibility to deal with it. All true, but I really want some help with it.
Anyone have any words of wisdom? Any clues on possible directions I could try out?
Thanks!
poster:Racer
thread:319088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20040213/msgs/319088.html