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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on August 31, 2007, at 8:51:18
Yes, it's about my step daughter again.... if you wouldn't mind following the link
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/779909.html
Do we go chase my step daughter down and force feed some help? Or do we sit and wait for the news to reach us of the latest episode in the drama? Honestly, this is ALL any of us can think about.
Thanks,
cs
Posted by Justherself54 on August 31, 2007, at 10:21:03
In reply to Quandry needing some input, posted by ClearSkies on August 31, 2007, at 8:51:18
> Yes, it's about my step daughter again.... if you wouldn't mind following the link
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/779909.html
>
> Do we go chase my step daughter down and force feed some help? Or do we sit and wait for the news to reach us of the latest episode in the drama? Honestly, this is ALL any of us can think about.
>
> Thanks,
> csYou are in between a rock and a hard place..If you "rescue her" again..you are just setting yourself up for more drama from the young woman..if you stand your ground and something happens..you're going to be the "heavy" and probably blamed for whatever happens to her..
The most I would do at this time is get her a cell phone (one where she can't put you in debt for the rest of your lives) so at least your DH can be in contact with her..as far as the car goes..I think back to when I were growing up.. I never had a car until I was able to afford one myself..I either got to work by bus or used personal transportation..my feet..
I was a wild child and my parents put boundries as to how I conducted myself around them..I soon found out my "good time" friends were not that good when the chips were down and when I was ready to go back to college, only then was I able to live back at home..and with rules.."you live under my roof, you live by my rules"..
I looked back at the thread and I'm not sure if she has emotional problems or is still immature and wanting to party all the time..if it's the latter..sometimes you have to learn the hard way and let life beat you up a little bit before you start to mature..
Sorry for the ramble..still waking up! BTW..my daughter was a bit like me..I had to sweat it out for a couple of years wondering if she was ever going to get out of the mess she put herself in..
It's hard and I don't envy the position you're in and the strain it must be putting on your relationship with your mate..
If I can help even by being a shoulder to lean on..lean away!
Posted by Phillipa on August 31, 2007, at 10:25:14
In reply to Quandry needing some input, posted by ClearSkies on August 31, 2007, at 8:51:18
Answered on your thread. Good luck. Phillipa
Posted by Phil on August 31, 2007, at 11:33:20
In reply to Quandry needing some input, posted by ClearSkies on August 31, 2007, at 8:51:18
You can't save someone from themselves. That's the ugly truth.
The only way to help her is to take care of yourselves.
Posted by ClearSkies on August 31, 2007, at 12:30:35
In reply to Re: Quandry needing some input, posted by Phil on August 31, 2007, at 11:33:20
Thanks to everyone here and on the Relationships board for your thoughtful and common sense answers. Face to face (we last saw step daughter on Sunday), she has nothing to say for herself except that she's tired, that her mom is "crazy", and that the ex-boyfriend is "crazy". Nothing that *she's* doing is crazy, nosiree.
We asked (begged, actually) her to keep in touch with collect phone calls, but have heard nothing except what the crazy mom has to report. The crazy mom was giving her money for gas until the car went pffft from lack of upkeep.
So for now we do nothing except maintain the same offers of help we've had before - therapy if she'll show up for it. (And the subcontext there is we'd pay for a rehab stint if she'll admit to any of her substance abuse problems we suspect is behind all of these related issues of basically not showing up for life.)
Sigh. Being a step mother is so hard. To have my heart broken in so many pieces every single day is something I hadn't counted on. But my husband and I *are* in agreement that being firm is the best thing to do, so at least he and I aren't in opposition over this. I don't think I could bear that on top of having to hold my own boundaries steady.
Thanks again for all your thoughts.
cs
Posted by Justherself54 on August 31, 2007, at 17:00:40
In reply to Re: Quandry needing some input, posted by ClearSkies on August 31, 2007, at 12:30:35
Sounds like you and hubby have a pretty good grip on things..glad to hear you're both on the same page on how to deal with this and have each other for support..take care..
Posted by Kath on September 1, 2007, at 22:39:35
In reply to Re: Quandry needing some input, posted by ClearSkies on August 31, 2007, at 12:30:35
Hi Hun,
answered on other thread.
I am SO glad you & hubby are doing okay through this. That is such a blessing. It's what I've been thankful for during all our problems with my son.
The main thing , as has been said, is to take really good care of yourself.
love, Kath
> Thanks to everyone here and on the Relationships board for your thoughtful and common sense answers. Face to face (we last saw step daughter on Sunday), she has nothing to say for herself except that she's tired, that her mom is "crazy", and that the ex-boyfriend is "crazy". Nothing that *she's* doing is crazy, nosiree.
>
> We asked (begged, actually) her to keep in touch with collect phone calls, but have heard nothing except what the crazy mom has to report. The crazy mom was giving her money for gas until the car went pffft from lack of upkeep.
>
> So for now we do nothing except maintain the same offers of help we've had before - therapy if she'll show up for it. (And the subcontext there is we'd pay for a rehab stint if she'll admit to any of her substance abuse problems we suspect is behind all of these related issues of basically not showing up for life.)
>
> Sigh. Being a step mother is so hard. To have my heart broken in so many pieces every single day is something I hadn't counted on. But my husband and I *are* in agreement that being firm is the best thing to do, so at least he and I aren't in opposition over this. I don't think I could bear that on top of having to hold my own boundaries steady.
>
> Thanks again for all your thoughts.
>
> cs
>
>
This is the end of the thread.
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