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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 29. Go back in thread:
Posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 18:51:54
In reply to Re: i am back deneb...., posted by justyourlaugh on September 19, 2005, at 18:18:30
Welcome back Justyourlaugh
Everyone here hopes you are OK. Do you think that perhaps there is some transference going on here? Perhaps certain styles of writing and behaviour trigger something within you that reminds you of past hurts. No one here wants to hurt you on purpose Justyourlaugh. Sometimes people hurt themselves by finding hurt in places where there is no intention for hurt.
Deneb
Posted by justyourlaugh on September 19, 2005, at 18:53:22
In reply to Please be civil :-( » justyourlaugh, posted by 10derHeart on September 19, 2005, at 18:48:51
my intention was to be uncivil.
i thought that was clear?
Posted by justyourlaugh on September 19, 2005, at 19:02:26
In reply to Re: i am back deneb.... » justyourlaugh, posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 18:51:54
please do not speak for everyone "here"..
a certain style of writing does trigger me ..it is your utter ignorance..
no one has hurt me here..
i am posting a few words because i was asked to try and stop your poison..
Posted by 10derHeart on September 19, 2005, at 19:05:05
In reply to Re: Please be civil :-( » 10derHeart, posted by justyourlaugh on September 19, 2005, at 18:53:22
OK.BTW, that would *never* be clear to me.
I always assume the very best of intentions.
But, in this case, I stand corrected.
Take care.
Posted by justyourlaugh on September 19, 2005, at 19:05:08
In reply to deneb...., posted by justyourlaugh on September 19, 2005, at 19:02:26
call me something nasty..get another block..
you can do it!
Posted by wildcard on September 19, 2005, at 19:09:49
In reply to Re: deneb...., posted by justyourlaugh on September 19, 2005, at 19:05:08
Posted by Phillipa on September 19, 2005, at 19:14:44
In reply to Re: deneb...., posted by justyourlaugh on September 19, 2005, at 19:05:08
Justourlaugh, where have you been? And are you angry? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2005, at 19:15:00
In reply to Re: deneb...., posted by justyourlaugh on September 19, 2005, at 19:05:08
If you feel triggered by a posters posts then don't read them.
It is that easy.
If you don't like feeling hurt in response
Then take some of the control back
Don't read them
Don't feel hurt
Problem solved.The boards are here so that we can provide support and education to one another.
I hope that you return to the boards with that intention. If that is the case then I welcome you back.
If you are trying to get Deneb blocked (either on behalf of yourself or another) then I think that what you will find... Is that things will backfire rather.
Seems to me that you have an opportunity here to take some responsibility for your own responses and reactions. Sometimes people just do rub us up the wrong way and co-existing can be hard.
Posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 19:16:18
In reply to deneb...., posted by justyourlaugh on September 19, 2005, at 19:02:26
> please do not speak for everyone "here"..
> a certain style of writing does trigger me ..it is your utter ignorance..
> no one has hurt me here..
> i am posting a few words because i was asked to try and stop your poison..Hi Justyourlaugh
Sorry you are feeling angry right now. I did not mean to speak for everyone else, but I have good reason to believe that no one here wants to hurt you in any way. I was also trying to avoid using the word "I" as thought it was maybe a triggering word for you.
I've never responded with hostility towards anyone (besides Dr. Bob, but I realize that there was some intense transference going on there). I'm not a hostile person and I like and accept everyone here, even you.
I hope you find some peace. I really do.
Deneb
Posted by wildcard on September 19, 2005, at 19:27:45
In reply to Re: deneb.... » justyourlaugh, posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 19:16:18
Posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 20:24:16
In reply to Re: deneb.... » justyourlaugh, posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 19:16:18
You sound like a different person than a few days ago. Where did that Deneb go? Will she come back? Are we safe?
Posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 20:40:01
In reply to Re: deneb.... » Deneb, posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 20:24:16
> You sound like a different person than a few days ago. Where did that Deneb go? Will she come back? Are we safe?
>I'm still the same person ClearSkies. I'm not sure how to interpret your post. Can you elaborate on what you mean? Sorry I'm not so good with subtleties.
Deneb
Posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 20:46:56
In reply to Re: deneb.... » ClearSkies, posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 20:40:01
> > You sound like a different person than a few days ago. Where did that Deneb go? Will she come back? Are we safe?
> >
>
> I'm still the same person ClearSkies. I'm not sure how to interpret your post. Can you elaborate on what you mean? Sorry I'm not so good with subtleties.
>
> Deneb
>Your posts today are so different from the trigger posts from the weekend - I don't understand what has changed? Are you OK or what has helped you feel better than you did?
I really am trying to better understand you, Deneb. You did not want me as a Civility Buddy, and my feelings were slightly hurt. I just don't know if you want help, are offering help, or what it is. I am obviously inadequate in saying the correct thing here...---frustrated---want to understand who you are---can you help me do that?
ClearSkies
Posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2005, at 20:47:03
In reply to Re: deneb.... » Deneb, posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 20:24:16
> You sound like a different person than a few days ago. Where did that Deneb go? Will she come back? Are we safe?
Yeah, I'm not sure what you mean either.
Posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 20:50:00
In reply to Re: » ClearSkies, posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2005, at 20:47:03
> > You sound like a different person than a few days ago. Where did that Deneb go? Will she come back? Are we safe?
>
> Yeah, I'm not sure what you mean either.
>
>
>
>Very poor vocabulary skills tonight, sorry.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2005, at 20:50:53
In reply to Re: deneb.... *TRIGGER*, posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 20:46:56
> Your posts today are so different from the trigger posts from the weekend - I don't understand what has changed?
People with BPD can experience intense and extreme emotional responses. Sometimes the stimuli for those are external and sometimes they are internal (which may make them appear unpredictable). The emotion tends to last somewhere between a couple hours to a couple days. When they are very intense then the person can become a little paranoid. But it passes in a couple hours to a couple days.
I have a tendancy to do this myself. I hope that description was helpful.
> what has helped you feel better than you did?
That can be really very hard to work out sometimes...
(((((PC))))))It can be really hard to understand...
Hard for everyone.
Hard for the person themself,
And hard for other people too.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2005, at 20:52:16
In reply to Re: deneb.... *TRIGGER* » ClearSkies, posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2005, at 20:50:53
sorry - I still think of you as PC.
Do you want to be my civility buddy???
;-)
I know you are trying to help.
And... You do :-)
Posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 20:55:20
In reply to Re: deneb.... *TRIGGER* » ClearSkies, posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2005, at 20:50:53
Is BPD something that I can offer better support for? What is a more appropriate response to triggering posts?
Please - I am not trying to make trouble here, but it is not as easy as Just Don't Read the Posts. What if something serious happened and I have not read a triggering post, resulting in harm to someone else?thank you again Alex
Posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 20:56:52
In reply to Re: deneb.... *TRIGGER*, posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2005, at 20:52:16
> sorry - I still think of you as PC.
>
> Do you want to be my civility buddy???
>
> ;-)
>
> I know you are trying to help.
> And... You do :-)Yes, I seem to have an opening in my schedule, LOL
woefully inadequate, not very good at it am I?
still PC today and every day, only the name has been changed
Posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 21:00:40
In reply to Re: deneb.... *TRIGGER*, posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 20:46:56
> Your posts today are so different from the trigger posts from the weekend - I don't understand what has changed? Are you OK or what has helped you feel better than you did?
I think Alexandra is spot on right. I think I have a genetic predisposition to very intense (both positive and negative) emotions. At times I do believe they border on psychosis. These episodes can last a few hours or a couple of days for me and it is very difficult to think straight while I'm in one (especially the negative episodes).
> I really am trying to better understand you, Deneb. You did not want me as a Civility Buddy, and my feelings were slightly hurt.
Oh no!, I thought you didn't want to be my civility buddy anymore! lol...I think we need to communicate better! Of course I would be happy to have you as my civility buddy! I would be honoured. :-) I just didn't want to trigger you with my posts and thought you would appreciate it if I didn't use you as my civility buddy. Sorry for the misunderstanding. You are are very good civility buddy by the way! ;-)
>I just don't know if you want help, are offering help, or what it is. I am obviously inadequate in saying the correct thing here...
I would like to do all of the above, if I can. :-) I would like to help myself, get actual help, help others help themselves and help others. :-)
I hope you understand me better now. Please feel free to ask me anything you want to. I will try to answer to the best of my ability. :-)
Deneb
Posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2005, at 21:08:28
In reply to Thank you Alexandra, posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 20:55:20
Its a hard one. I guess that with triggering posts all one can do is make sure that there is a trigger warning (by posting one oneself if there isn't one and by asking the poster to please do this in future).
Some kinds of posts that people are likely to find triggering are considered unacceptable ((e.g., joking about death) but aside from those kinds of posts that get admin action then I guess some people are triggered... While others are not...
Sometimes when I am feeling fragile myself I avoid posts by certain posters because I worry that I won't cope very well with being triggered. There are a number of posters whose trigger warnings I have learned to take fairly seriously. I wait till I am in a fairly good space to read them. And when I am in a fairly good space I most often don't even feel triggered by them. And then I guess I am more likely to be able to offer something helpful.
One of the good things about the boards is that there are a lot of us here :-)
That means that we can share the responsibility.
I don't feel bad ignoring trigger warning posts when I'm not feeling so good because I appreciate that there has gotta be someone in a better space to read / reply to that and so I can just let it go.BPD is a hard thing to provide support for at times. I know that when I get in some of my particularly foul black moods I really am not in the place to be able to accept help that is offered sometimes. When I come out of it a bit (couple days max) then... Well... I seem to be a different person, I guess. It is hard. But there are a lot of posters here and so if you are not in a particularly good space, or if you really don't know what to say, then sometimes it really is better to not respond and let someone who may temporarily be in a better place deal with it.
> What if something serious happened and I have not read a triggering post, resulting in harm to someone else?
I think... That might be taking on a little too much responsibility. Accepting ones limitations can be hard... But that really is best all round in the long run.
((((PC)))))You are valued here
:-)
Posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 21:10:41
In reply to Re: » ClearSkies, posted by alexandra_k on September 19, 2005, at 21:08:28
> BPD is a hard thing to provide support for at times. I know that when I get in some of my particularly foul black moods I really am not in the place to be able to accept help that is offered sometimes. When I come out of it a bit (couple days max) then... Well... I seem to be a different person, I guess. It is hard. But there are a lot of posters here and so if you are not in a particularly good space, or if you really don't know what to say, then sometimes it really is better to not respond and let someone who may temporarily be in a better place deal with it.
>OK - thank you, I will take your advice on this. That really helps.
>
> You are valued here
> :-)
>Happy tears.
Posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 21:15:32
In reply to Re: deneb.... *TRIGGER* » ClearSkies, posted by Deneb on September 19, 2005, at 21:00:40
> I just didn't want to trigger you with my posts and thought you would appreciate it if I didn't use you as my civility buddy. Sorry for the misunderstanding. You are are very good civility buddy by the way! ;-)
One thing about being a civility buddy is they help if you use them! In hindsight this is what upset me - that you felt strongly enough to post triggering material while you were so upset, yet I did not have an opportunity to take a look and try to help.
I think I am a help addict - asking, giving, attempting to... I try to learn and my heart is pained if I feel like I've let you down. Shall we try again?
Posted by Damos on September 19, 2005, at 21:46:17
In reply to Re: » alexandra_k, posted by ClearSkies on September 19, 2005, at 21:10:41
Just wanted to say how proud I am to know you guys. JYL, Deneb and babble are incredibly lucky to have two such as you.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 20, 2005, at 13:43:42
In reply to deneb...., posted by justyourlaugh on September 19, 2005, at 19:02:26
> it is your utter ignorance..
> i was asked to try and stop your poison..JYL,
I'm sorry you were triggered. Still you've been asked to be civil, so now I am blocking you from posting. I'll leave the duration up to Dr. Bob.If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil and should be directed to the admin. board.
Take care,
gg acting as deputy for Dr. Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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