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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 12:51:38
on this site, from the posts i've read, most of the males have female therapists, and the females have male therapists. hmmmmm...what's up, guys, girls?
amy :-)
Posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 12:56:57
In reply to i've noticed something interesting..., posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 12:51:38
let me ask, more specifically, do you like the "enticing" aspect of an opposite sex therapist? or crave a relationship and this is kind of a way to get it? or do you just feel more comfortable with the opposite sex? or did you just happen to end up w/ an opposite sex T, not caring one way or the other? only honest responses need reply, lol..
amy
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 17, 2004, at 13:34:45
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting... » alesta, posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 12:56:57
I SPECIFICALLY wanted a male. My realtionship with my Dad has never been good, and I have craved a male authority figure all my life. I had a female T briefly but she was too motherly. I wanted a Daddy for sure.
I wanted a man about 30 years older than I, but my current one is probably 7 or 8 years older (I'm 35), so he is not quite my Daddy. I am attracted to him for sure and was not wanting that going into therapy. I guess I wanted a grandpa type.
But I thik it just came down to me wanting a male authority figure. PLain and simple.
Posted by Cass on December 17, 2004, at 14:11:35
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting..., posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 17, 2004, at 13:34:45
When I was younger, I had a male T because I deeply longed for a father figure/male presence. That relationship ended badly because he was unprofessional and inappropriate. Later I had a couple of female Ts who somtimes acted motherly. I don't care for that. I like to be spoken to with directness, kindness and respect. I find the "motherly" thing condescending and not helpful. I don't have a T now, but if I did it wouldn't matter what gender they were so long as I felt they were professional and respectful.
Posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 15:03:15
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting..., posted by Cass on December 17, 2004, at 14:11:35
thanks y'all! that's very interesting...i forgot about the father figure aspect. maybe my lack of a real father explains some of my past fantasies of a male 'mentor' (and father, when i was little. oddly, i used to fantasize that sylvestor stallone was my father, lol.:-))
sounds like there are a lot of girls/women deprived of daddies out there. i do appreciate your input, girls! :)
amie
Posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 15:05:15
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting... » Cass, posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 15:03:15
Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2004, at 15:10:26
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting... » Cass, posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 15:03:15
That's not the entire reason. I wasn't deprived of a daddy.
Mostly it was chance. I happened to go to a seminar he held on anxiety, and while I wasn't crazy about his style, he was the only therapist who was encouraging about my coming in. Most had their secretaries call with information about fees first, and little interest in my presenting problem. Foolish of them.
But I probably prefer a man, just because I like a bit of firmness in my therapist (no pun intended or implied). Most of the women around here who go into therapy are a bit soft for me. The female doctors are just right, but the female therapists are a bit too solicitous. This is not to say all female therapists are solicitous. I'm sure they aren't. But a fair number in this area are too nice for my needs. No one could accuse my therapist of being too nice.
It wouldn't be right for everyone, but it's just right for me.
Posted by cubic_me on December 17, 2004, at 15:44:01
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting..., posted by Dinah on December 17, 2004, at 15:10:26
I'm female and I have only had a female T. I know this is by chance, as it is the only one I was offered, but she was just right for me. it was interesting what Cass said about wanting a direct, kind and firm T, without being motherly, my T had those characteristics, but they are just what I would have wanted in a mother :(
I don't care much for female T's who are all wishy washy and 'wet' (is that only a phrase used in the UK?). You know, the ones who want to molly-coddle you - I like someone who gets on with the job in hand.
I don't care whether my T is male or female, as long as they are a good match for me.
Posted by Toph on December 17, 2004, at 17:29:24
In reply to i've noticed something interesting..., posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 12:51:38
Mine's male. He's a little OCD - tidy office; if I'm 5 minutes late, he won't give me an extra 5 minutes at the end; he'd probable insist that this thread move to PBP, for example. He's no father figure, had one of those. We wrestle psychologically like brothers. Bottom line, I'm fairly certain that he likes me, finds me interesting and, most importantly, he cares about me. I have proven this empirically by comparing myself favorable with all of the other patients of his that I run into in the waiting room. I would nonetheless hope that I would be able to have a meaningful therapy with a woman. I would want her to be smart, well-grounded and insightful, all traits I find attractive, so that might make for a complicated dynamic.
-Toph
Posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 19:56:57
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting... » alesta, posted by Toph on December 17, 2004, at 17:29:24
thanks much, guys.:) i enjoyed reading your responses. and i'm glad to see some same-sex therapists here, too, and am happy to see you guys have found good Ts! that's excellent!
for myself, i've never really been to a therapist, so if i had to see one i would be open to either sex personally. (mind you, i haven't had any of the bad experiences with a particular sex as some of you have.:))
thanks!
amy :-)
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 17, 2004, at 23:41:40
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting..., posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 19:56:57
if i may add,
my "social workers" were given to me..
the last "crisis worker i talked too" was a female ...and i found myslef to be judged..like a mom would critisize their daughter..
and the males i worked with ...
treated me like a untouchable ( bpd..)
j
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 18, 2004, at 0:56:37
In reply to i've noticed something interesting..., posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 12:51:38
:P I am sure you can guess why it works best for me lololol
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 18, 2004, at 0:58:28
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting... » alesta, posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 12:56:57
Mine was just given to me my guess is he accepted my insurance ...did work out though ........
> let me ask, more specifically, do you like the "enticing" aspect of an opposite sex therapist? or crave a relationship and this is kind of a way to get it? or do you just feel more comfortable with the opposite sex? or did you just happen to end up w/ an opposite sex T, not caring one way or the other? only honest responses need reply, lol..
>
> amy
Posted by alesta on December 18, 2004, at 12:24:55
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting... » alesta, posted by Fallen4MyT on December 18, 2004, at 0:56:37
hehehe..fallen, oh mischievous one, yeah, i think we can all guess that!!! :0)
aimmmme :)
Posted by alesta on December 18, 2004, at 12:39:18
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting..., posted by justyourlaugh on December 17, 2004, at 23:41:40
> if i may add,
> my "social workers" were given to me..
> the last "crisis worker i talked too" was a female ...and i found myslef to be judged..like a mom would critisize their daughter..
> and the males i worked with ...
> treated me like a untouchable ( bpd..)
> jthanks for sharing that, j.:) very interesting!
i hope ya find one that's good for you, if you're still in therapy..i really like to see ppl not "settling"; you deserve to have one that's right for you (if your insurance plan enables you to 'shop around'.) sorry if i ended up in advice-giving mode..you probably already know that stuff..good luck..:)
thanks again,
amy :)
Posted by bandoman on December 18, 2004, at 16:20:14
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting..., posted by Cass on December 17, 2004, at 14:11:35
I dont trust men, Caused by abuse. If I was reborn tommorow with all my memories intact I would be gay. Thats how much I dont trust men.
Nothing personal but I can not tell good from bad,
so I play it safe.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 18, 2004, at 18:54:52
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting... » Fallen4MyT, posted by alesta on December 18, 2004, at 12:24:55
Lmao indeed one can only hope....if not ....Roh Roh George :P
> hehehe..fallen, oh mischievous one, yeah, i think we can all guess that!!! :0)
>
> aimmmme :)
Posted by judy1 on December 19, 2004, at 13:45:41
In reply to i've noticed something interesting..., posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 12:51:38
that is an interesting observation. I've almost always had male pdocs (with horrendous results- boundary issues, etc.) and recently went to a female pdoc whom I couldn't stand. On the therp side I have a female who's wonderful and nurturing, but before that all the pdocs did therapy- kind of one stop shopping :-).
take care, judy
Posted by littleone on December 19, 2004, at 15:00:19
In reply to i've noticed something interesting..., posted by alesta on December 17, 2004, at 12:51:38
I don't get on with women at all. All that touchy feely stuff just isn't me. Female T's were instantly crossed off my list.
Although now I can see that I need to get in touch with my emotions more. I think I'd still be too intimidated by a female T though.
Posted by alesta on December 20, 2004, at 15:27:11
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting... » alesta, posted by littleone on December 19, 2004, at 15:00:19
hi bandoman, i think that that's a good idea, for you to stick to women therapists, as one of your main issues is trusting men. i'm sorry to hear about your bad experiences. i hope you can continue healing from them.:)
thank ya, judy, for your kind response and sharing your variety of informative experiences!you take care, too, dear.:-)
and littleone, thanks for sharing..very interesting! good luck with whichever you choose.:)
good luck with Ts!
amy:)
Posted by Angel Girl on December 23, 2004, at 16:50:05
In reply to Re: i've noticed something interesting..., posted by alesta on December 20, 2004, at 15:27:11
I'm female and have both female T and pdoc. Just thought I could feel more comfortable talking with a female, less intimidated. :/
AG
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