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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kid47 on April 4, 2004, at 11:53:49
ideas and rationalizations. I believe I have only one surviving brain cell left, and it's on the critical list. I need everything to stop for a bit. I need my children to stop growing up. I need to stop growing old. I need for war and suffering and hunger to take a break. I need for my marriage to cease deteriorating and my heart to stop breaking. Just for a while. Just long enough to take a breath and gain some perspective. I sat down to post something upbeat, but I'm afraid it's just not in me today. I'm a truly sorry if this bums anyone out. That certainly is not my intention. I am not really looking for any support (although you all are the BEST when it comes to that) I just need to spew for a sec than I'll feel a whole lot better, I'm sure.
I've pis*ed away a good portion of my life. I guess I am just taking a look at what I should do now. I have some skills. I am very lucky in that respect. But as I heard from just about every educator or counselor or therp that I have had contact with, I need to realize my potential and use these skills to make myself and others happy. That's a good speech when you are seventeen but at this juncture it doesn't offer me much comfort. I have vowed recently to turn my life around. To get outside myself and began to apprecitae all the wonders around me. To help others who need it and be less self serving. I think I will turn that corner (hopefully) and make up for lost time. Recently I have had a tremendous amount of help in reaching these goals. I guess now it's up to me. I do believe that the trials by fire so many of us have been through do have an upside. I have seen this in the people around here. I think we develop a sensitivity (which can be deadly if you're not careful) to the plight of others. I think we a have a core muscle that in many respects is stronger than"normal" people. We understand suffering and misery. This gives us some exclusive insights....sometimes. I will feel better tomorrow. I will reread this post and probably wonder what in the he!! I was thinking. What I hope will happen is I will get up and go. Go do something kind, generous, giving. Maybe not tomorrow, but I am sorta confident it will happen. See, I feel better already.kid
Posted by karen_kay on April 4, 2004, at 12:18:24
In reply to I've run out of words........, posted by kid47 on April 4, 2004, at 11:53:49
you make me cry and you make me laugh at the same time
why won't you realize how very wonderful you are?
everyone else does.everything won't stop and you can't make it
your children will grow up, but appreciate the fact that you have raised them to be such beautiful and wonderful children. appreciate the fact that YOU have protected and nurtured them. it's no accident that they have turned out so very wonderful. they've learned by examplewar hunger and suffering i can't answer, but you've done such a good deed this week, can you not just be happy knowing that? you are doing your part. you are active (and wonderful, did i mention that?)
as for growing old, you aren't. you are only growing.
your marriage, perhaps you should focus more on that then? make it work. do what makes you happy dear. and i think your wife makes you happy, perhaps you just forgot that? maybe focusing on your marriage more will keep your heart from breaking?
(i'm searching for the right thing to say, and i don't search very often)
kid, you haven't pi&&ed away a good portion of your life. look back. you have amazing stories to tell. and experiences. i only wish i had that many glorious stories. that's one of your fondest points. you didn't waste time, and that's a good thing. actually, that's a wonderful thing. and i'm so jealous of you for that. i waste too much time absorbing ideas from others while you, at my age, were experiencing your own. and you don't just have "some skills" you have MANY skills. should i list them? i wouldn't want to embarrass you here on the board. don't sell yourself short, i don't. and i'm fairly hard to impress.
you are making a difference in lives. just because people don't say it (as they have problems in that area, not you) doesn't mean it's not happening. have i told you lately that you are wonderful? you really are kid. don't doubt it for a second.
today will be better, not tomorrow. believe that, i do.
Posted by kid47 on April 4, 2004, at 12:23:44
In reply to kid,, posted by karen_kay on April 4, 2004, at 12:18:24
you are very sweet. You know that? Of course you do!
kid
Posted by karen_kay on April 4, 2004, at 13:10:21
In reply to Re: kid, » karen_kay, posted by kid47 on April 4, 2004, at 12:23:44
:) got you! is your day better yet? hope so, it should be. mine is. thank you for that.
Posted by shar on April 4, 2004, at 14:56:08
In reply to I've run out of words........, posted by kid47 on April 4, 2004, at 11:53:49
Kid,
I think you are right in the 'doing for others' area. I started doing volunteer work (the only upside to unemployment?) and it is about the only thing that I feel useful doing, even though I don't really do that much. It is a good feeling in the wasteland that is my head.It is hospice work--talking with folks who are literally at death's door--something I feel eminently qualified to do.
I agree with your post that if we use our gifts and talents we will be happy at our work; I've found it's just hard to get paid for whatever mine are.
And, as for time...the older I get, the faster it speeds by; I completely relate to wanting things to go more slowly at times.
Shar
Posted by kid47 on April 4, 2004, at 15:17:16
In reply to Re: I've run out of words........ » kid47, posted by shar on April 4, 2004, at 14:56:08
Shar. how'd a sweet young thing like you get to be so blasted smart!? ;) My motto of late is, "do what I can, when I can" now I just have to figure out what to do. What a great thing that you're volunteering at Hospice. I am afraid it would do me in though. I have thought about working at an animal shelter. You would read about me in the paper. I would be the crazy lunatic arrested for having 350 dogs living in his house.
Things do happen too fast. and my reflexes aren't what they used to be.Peace out
krafty
Posted by Jai Narayan on April 4, 2004, at 19:20:22
In reply to Re: I've run out of words........ » shar, posted by kid47 on April 4, 2004, at 15:17:16
Kid47.....
I love reading your posts.
Every mood you share is welcome.....
You are such a wonderful communicator.
I feel like I am getting to know you.
Thanks for sharing.
Karen is right we all really care about you and love hearing from you.
Posted by fallsfall on April 4, 2004, at 22:38:51
In reply to Re: I've run out of words........ » shar, posted by kid47 on April 4, 2004, at 15:17:16
Try the library!!
Posted by kid47 on April 5, 2004, at 13:06:49
In reply to Re: I've run out of words........, posted by Jai Narayan on April 4, 2004, at 19:20:22
Thank you for saying such nice things. I do like hearing that my psots might make some sense to somebody. Have a GREAT day.
kid
Posted by noa on April 5, 2004, at 14:15:10
In reply to Re: I've run out of words........ » Jai Narayan, posted by kid47 on April 5, 2004, at 13:06:49
Kid, it's hard to find the balance, isn't it? At least that's what I'm reading into what you wrote. One day at a time isn't a bad motto, afterall.
Posted by rainyday on April 5, 2004, at 16:10:39
In reply to I've run out of words........, posted by kid47 on April 4, 2004, at 11:53:49
Kid, your posts are so eloquent. You really have a way of getting to the heart of your pain and joy in a way that resonates with me. It's so important for us not to feel alone in our sadness.
What a club to be in, eh?
Posted by kid47 on April 5, 2004, at 22:18:37
In reply to Re: I've run out of words........ » kid47, posted by noa on April 5, 2004, at 14:15:10
Hi Noa. If you can read something into what I write, God bless ya. I write this stuff and about half way through I foget what I was even trying to say. I just have a bunch of junk rattling around in my head and I have to get it out of there or else what's left of my brain might spontaneously combust.(that almost hapened once!) Balance is most definitely hard to find. I regularly just tip right over. Noa you are always insighful and helpful. PLEASE continue to "read into" anything I post. Your take on things is most certainly waaay better than mine. Thanks for taking time to respond. I really appreciate it. Take care
kid
> Kid, it's hard to find the balance, isn't it? At least that's what I'm reading into what you wrote. One day at a time isn't a bad motto, afterall.
Posted by kid47 on April 5, 2004, at 22:32:06
In reply to Re: I've run out of words........ » kid47, posted by rainyday on April 5, 2004, at 16:10:39
Wow!!! Elequent? What a compliment! It's good to know that something I write strikes a chord with you. It helps to know others can relate to the things I feel. Thank you!
kid
> Kid, your posts are so eloquent. You really have a way of getting to the heart of your pain and joy in a way that resonates with me. It's so important for us not to feel alone in our sadness.
>
> What a club to be in, eh?
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