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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Alexs on October 21, 2003, at 15:31:16
I'm married to a woman who has a problem, I'm not sure if this falls into any type of category or not but here it goes: When we got married we had one dog. One day she suggests we drive by the dog pound, there are two really cute dogs there and she suggests we adopt one. I couldnt resist so I said OK. The dog warden then informs us that the dogs are sisters. My wife convinces me that they will be heart broken if they are split up. Reluctantly I agree and now we have three dogs. Then one day we go to the mall and stop in the pet shop and she insists on playing with a white siberian husky, we stayed in the booth with the dog for a half hour and she wanted it, I said no way. We argued and as always she goes against any kind of logic, like we can't afford another dog, and she buys the dog. Two years later she discovers that a lot of the dog pounds are on the Web and without saying anything left the house at 3 am and drove to washington where she was meeting a woman, who was a foster parent for the dog, who drove there from georgia, and came home and without skipping a beat said "isn't he cute". Recently her mother passed away and left behind four dogs, I dont have to tell you the rest. That takes care of the dog part now to the birds. One day we are driving and spot an injured goose on the side of the road,we bring it to the vet and he says he can't fix the wing, says it's been broken too long. She wants to bring the bird home, of course I object and after a long argument she brings the bird home any way. Fast foward two months and there is a very heavy snow fall, the bird cant be left in the yard so she puts it in the upstairs bath room untill the spring. The upstairs smelled awful from the goose poop so come spring I built a sheltered area in our yard and put in a pond. She then decides that the goose is lonely and suggests we get a duck to keep it company. I figured what the hell they will be outside year round so why not. When I get to the store and attempt to purchase a day old duck the store person tells me you have to buy two duck's or they wont survive. Turns out my wife called and asked if it would be alright to tell me this so she could have two ducks, of course the store owner isn't going to have a problem she wants to sell the ducks. Of course they mated and had two baby ducks. That takes care of the duck's now to the personal possesions. She likes to go to tag sales and over the course of our 10 year marriage has managed to load the house up with excess furnitue and every kind of nick nack imaginable. We live in a large 3 bedroom house. The basement has a series of cat walks from one room to another, stuff literally up to the ceilings. One of our bedrooms you can't walk into and our large family room is unuseable. The porch is loaded with toys that her neice out grew, literally a thousand benie babies. she refuses to sell any of it. I cant find anything in the house that I look for. I would walk out today if it weren't for the dogs!
Can any one give me advise on this topic? Does this sound like a medical condition or is she just weird?
Posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 15:53:51
In reply to Full House, posted by Alexs on October 21, 2003, at 15:31:16
Hi,
I'm sorry about the frustration this is causing. You wife seems to be an animal hoarder (I do some rescue dog/cat volunteer work, and we see this fairly often). Usually, though, it's a woman who lives alone, and it's usually cats...I cut and pasted some information on it for you.
**Psychiatrists are just beginning to study the phenomenon, but humane societies have struggled with hoarders for years. Their behavior is one of the most perplexing mysteries of the human condition.
Animal hoarders are driven to collect many more pets than they can handle. They often live in tremendous filth, endangering not only their animals but themselves and neighbors. The quality of life on entire streets can be destroyed by the foul smell and the insects that hoarding attracts.
“Nobody's really sure what to do with these cases,” says Chuck Vaughn, an assistant Kenton County attorney. “It is such a large problem. If you do shut down (a hoarder), what do you do with the 100 dogs you've got?”
To better understand the problem, a national consortium is studying the motivations and thought patterns of these unusual people.
They tend to be female, older and solitary, perhaps with compulsive personalities or a strong need to nurture. They consider themselves especially in tune with animals, but they fail to recognize when their pets are suffering.
Their behavior may be a warning sign for dementia or other mental illness, says Gary Patronek, a veterinarian and epidemiologist at the Tufts University School of Veterinary Medicine in North Grafton, Mass.**
If at all possible, see if your wife will go to a therapist and talk about this issue. Go with her if it makes her feel better. If it's a mild case, perhaps just bombarding her with a lot of information might help. Like, it's *OK* for puppies/young dogs to be split up from one another almost all of the time (I wouldn't split up two dogs that have been together 5 or 6 years, though). And if she's feeding a sense of nurturing something, then she needs to realize that having too many pets is like having too many children. At some point, you can't afford them all and level of quality care could suffer.
>>literally a thousand benie babies. she refuses to sell any of it.
<<I don't know about being a pack rat. Does she say *why* she won't sell it?> Can any one give me advise on this topic? Does this sound like a medical condition or is she just weird?
<<Medical condition. And can become harmful (to her, you, the animals). It's very difficult to maintain a sanitary living area with that many animals inside. (Outside ones, I don't know too much about them). You can do the animals a big favor and find placements for them through a local humane society or an animal rescue group.
Posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 15:58:08
In reply to Full House, posted by Alexs on October 21, 2003, at 15:31:16
Oh,
And you mentioned something about your wife driving down to Washington to get another pet? Did you mean Washington DC? If you live close to DC (so do I), I can give you a lot of local resources (humane societies, shelters, rescue organizations) if you want.
In the mean time, in my opinion, absolutely put your foot down if she wants to get another animal. If she goes out on her own and gets another animal, take the animal to a shelter immediately. Even if you think you can care for it. It's destructive behavior and it cannot be enabled. I wish you the best. I know how you must be suffering....
Good luck,
Susan
Posted by Dinah on October 21, 2003, at 16:18:24
In reply to Full House, posted by Alexs on October 21, 2003, at 15:31:16
Well, as a five dog owner myself....
However, the household situation sounds a lot loke the hoarding variety of OCD. My mother has that. There are medications that work fine, but first they have to admit they have a problem. My mother doesn't, despite governmental citations for the back yard. And heaven help us if they see the house. I'm sure some fire code is being broken.
Can you suggest marital counseling and discuss the problem with your marital counselor? They should be familar with the medical aspects of it.
Posted by Alexs on October 21, 2003, at 17:50:57
In reply to Local Resources, posted by Susan J on October 21, 2003, at 15:58:08
Thanks for the info Susan. I live in the New England area. My wife recently started seeing a therapist because she was having a hard time dealing with her mothers death. She wont tell me if she is talking about anything other than that, the situation is obviously out of control and I'm going to have to make some tough decisions. First of all I'm going to demand she allow me to go to her therapy sessions when they deal with her hoarding problem because I can't take her word that she is even talking about it. I think it will help a lot if some one in a position of authority tell's her she has a problem. Judging from her extremely compulsive personality I don't think talk will be enough. She started taking effexor after her mother passed away but it's not doing anything for her compulsiveness, she's still on e-bay every night! Does anyone now of a *specific* medication for hoarding?
Thanks to everyone for your responses.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on October 21, 2003, at 21:13:15
In reply to Re: Local Resources, posted by Alexs on October 21, 2003, at 17:50:57
Alexs,
I don't know of any specific medications for that kind of behavior, but I agree with Susan and Dinah.
I would also, if your wife wants more animals, point out that the more She has, the less time she has for each of them. It would be good to point out just how many workers and volunteers an animal shelter has to take care of the number of animals they take care of. It is very important that animals have enough attention.
As for the 'things', I used to do something like that. I would find broken items that I could fix. Soon I had ha house-full of working things that I didn't need. Moving a few times, and finding out how sick I actually am has helped. I still have to sonsciously avoid buying anything that I don't need, and still sometimes I find myself doing just that, but it is much less than I did before. (Being in much smaller quarters helped too.)
I don't know if any of this helped, but I hope so.
Dee.
Posted by jay on October 21, 2003, at 22:39:12
In reply to Re: Local Resources, posted by Alexs on October 21, 2003, at 17:50:57
> Thanks for the info Susan. I live in the New England area. My wife recently started seeing a therapist because she was having a hard time dealing with her mothers death. She wont tell me if she is talking about anything other than that, the situation is obviously out of control and I'm going to have to make some tough decisions. First of all I'm going to demand she allow me to go to her therapy sessions when they deal with her hoarding problem because I can't take her word that she is even talking about it. I think it will help a lot if some one in a position of authority tell's her she has a problem. Judging from her extremely compulsive personality I don't think talk will be enough. She started taking effexor after her mother passed away but it's not doing anything for her compulsiveness, she's still on e-bay every night! Does anyone now of a *specific* medication for hoarding?
> Thanks to everyone for your responses.
>
>
>Hi....there are a few really good meds for this OCD spectrum type of disorder. One is called Anafranil (generic Clomipramine) , it's an older class tricyclic antidepressant also used for OCD's. Another is Luvox (generic Fluvoxamine), and also I have seen Prozac (generic Fluoxetine) work very, very well in combination with some type of counselling. It may be a tough ride (as it already sounds like it has been), but good doses of these meds can keep the compulsions under control. I don't recall Effexor being studied for OCD, as it is a disorder that requires a strong serotonin-acting drug to rid of both the obsessive and compulsions they lead to. Please keep posting, as you will get some great support around here.
Best wishes,
Jay
Posted by fallsfall on October 22, 2003, at 11:16:38
In reply to Re: Local Resources, posted by Alexs on October 21, 2003, at 17:50:57
I understand your frustration and your need to have the situation addressed. However, I might suggest a slightly different wording for this:
>>First of all I'm going to demand she allow me to go to her therapy sessions when they deal with her hoarding problem because I can't take her word that she is even talking about it. I think it will help a lot if some one in a position of authority tell's her she has a problem.
"demanding" is going to make her defensive. If they talk about hoarding they probably do a little here and a little there and talk about other things in between. May I suggest that you try something like "The number of animals and amount of stuff in this house is making me uncomfortable (i.e. it is YOUR problem that you want to address). Can we set up a special session with your therapist so that I can understand why you want all of this here, I am hoping that she understands you well enough to help me understand (i.e. you DON"T want her to feel that you are taking over her therapy or horning in on her therapist). She may also have some suggestions for us so that we can BOTH be more comfortable (i.e. there are probably things that BOTH of you should do differently)."
I don't know your wife, but if someone demanded to come into my sessions, I know that it would not be a pretty sight. I probably am more sensitive to this than most, but - better safe than sorry?
Good luck!
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