![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 30. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on January 10, 2003, at 7:56:51
I don't know how to work out conflicts here. I tried with Alii, I used my "I feel" statements, I threw in some (sincere) praise along with the criticism. Maybe I could have worded it better. Looking back I think I could have, but it's a skill I'm learning. You can never be too gentle with people, I know that, yet I'm not gentle enough. I was just utterly stunned by the reply. The sarcastic subject line with my name in it was enough. My own words, my very "I feel" statement, twisted into a sarcastic quip. Can't think of anything worse. It didn't even get a PBC (another shocker, leading me to doubt my own perception of sarcasm). People say don't read posts if you have a problem with the person, a technique I use myself here, but subject lines are just there. THere's no choice about reading them.
All the comments about duels just made me sad. I couldn't tell how much was directed at me, but if anyone thinks I'm here to duel, believe it or not I'm actually here to connect with people. The best advice I've ever gotten on human relationships says if you have a problem with a person, the way to resolve it is to state it, with all the "I feel" stuff, etc. If that's going to be interpreted as picking a fight, then I just have to give up.
I'm not here to trade clever insults. I like cleverness, in the service of humor. Not mean-spirited humor. THere are so many comments on this board right now, in that thread, and the one to Beardedlady, that just strike me as being little insults, worded carefully so that they're barely under the radar of the civility cop. Maybe I'm misreading, but if so, then I can't function here. It's just too... can't even come up with a word. How about unsafe, that's pretty close.
Did Nikki actually call me a bitch? Honestly I couldn't tell if it was me or Alii, but either way it didn't help the situation.
It seems every time a conflict comes up, it just divides the group, people take sides, or try to be careful not to take sides, and a bunch of insult-trading happens, and the unlucky impulsive ones get blocked, and the conflict doesn't get resolved, and the division lingers. I don't know how to manage that problem here, with this format. In group therapy it's hard enough, but at least it's possible. One of the keys there is that first of all the members are screened. You've all got the same goal, to learn to connect with each other. When conflict comes up, you're all trapped together talking it out til it's resolved. Of course you've got a professional there to help you with your wording. And if any one person causes too much conflict they are removed. Nobody is there to win the one-upmanship contest. And if they are, they'll have to talk about it til they give up their game.
I think Dr Bob is on the right track, trying to keep the focus on support and education. That's a manageable goal. I probably wanted too much from this group, I wanted it to be more of a community, and I wanted to connect with people and develop relationships. (Those dang people, they just get tired of talking about side effects and want to socialize!) In retrospect, I can see the threads that work best are the purely light-hearted ones, and the purely supportive ones (i.e. person posts problem, everyone offers support, person feels better).
Yet I wanted more, I wanted to get to know people, get a picture of their personalities, and develop affection for them. Once you start doing that, then, conflicts happen, and, well, like I said, they just don't get worked out.
Beardedlady's departure hit me hard, too. I think I understand it better now. Everyone has their limits. For her, it's being seen as cruel. Maybe she'll get over that hurt and return, again. But I'm sad that going off alone and licking your wounds is the only option here. There really ought to be a better way.
I've been struggling with these feelings. I'd normally think OK, I'm hurt, I'll share my feelings with the group. I tried that one a while back, and got ridiculed for being too sensitive. The SPOW era. There's more stuff lately about thick skin, so I know that sharing my hurt will likely invite ridicule. It really leaves one in a box. Can't share hurt, can't share anger, can't call people on their crap.
Disillusioned. Hurt. Tears. Yup, I'm in tears over my message board. That's me. SPOW. Angry, the impotent kind, there's nothing to do with it. What do I do? Throw the computer across the room? Send some angry email? Sadness. COnfusion. Doubting my perceptions, unable to get clarification, because it doesn't even feel safe to talk about it.
I learned one thing about relationships, and I learned it the hard way. If what you're doing doesn't work, and you keep thinking if only you try again, or try harder, it will work, well... it's time to stop. Even if you're hooked into hoping for change. Just stop.
Posted by Dinah on January 10, 2003, at 8:58:15
In reply to Disillusioned, posted by Tabitha on January 10, 2003, at 7:56:51
For what it's worth, I saw your post as a genuine attempt to communicate. To get past a block, not to cause one. And although it may have got lost in the semantics, that was what I was trying to say with my touche' posts. That intent mattered.
It has been my experience on this board, that things that work in person don't always work well here. Mark expressed it far better than I could, in a post that is probably somewhere in the archives.
I am so sad that you don't feel safe here. I am so sad that Beardy doesn't feel safe here. I get the feeling that a lot of people are standing back and holding their breaths, afraid to post. And I really liked the supportive atmosphere that was here a week ago. People were posting for the first time, etc. I'm sorry for the setback in all of that, although I'm sure it is just a setback.
But what happened here is hardly unique. In fact the disagreements at the various hobby clubs I belong to are far more vicious, because there is no Dr. Bob and no civility guidelines. One spinoff from one splintered and divided group does have a strong moderator that keeps things on task works better than the others. But the emails!!! Of course that's why I mostly lurk at those groups.
I can only tell you what has worked for me, and I don't know how much help it will be for you. I had to put some distance between the board and myself. A shield of sorts. I took away its power to hurt me. I drop the shield to different degrees for different people, but I always keep in mind the possibility for hurt, and can step back.
That's really the only way I could come back here after the last time. My therapist had given me a strong suggestion to not return.
I can't tell you how glad I've been at the minimal conflict here lately. (And don't anyone start interpreting that as an insult to anyone. It's a simple statement of fact. There has been little conflict here lately. Period. I liked that. Period. If anyone wants to add anything to that, it's their stuff not mine.)
I do hope that you don't decide to leave over this. It's just not worth it. One or two people were offended by your post. That's going to happen from time to time. Heaven only knows it's happened to me. But you are a valuable member of the community, and on a more personal level, a dear friend. Your posts are funny, sensible, supportive, and civil. You have on more than one occasion helped me find perspective. I hope I can help you in this instance.
Very sincerely,
Dinah
Posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 11:38:12
In reply to Re: I am so sorry, Tabitha, posted by Dinah on January 10, 2003, at 8:58:15
In the last week I have seen so much garbage and thinly disguised personal insults that have more place on a high school bathroom wall.
I don't understand it either Tabitha. I know for me its not lack of safety thats the problem its more just revulsion.
I don't understand why the civility guidelines are being ignored here either How many times does someone have to apoligize before people can keep their
petty (YES) and juvenile little jabs to themselves.
Why post them here? Its not supportive its not clever and its not interesting. If its that important take it up on your own with the person involved.I don't know what to say about the bitch comment Tabitha, actually I'm not even sure its worth the effort of ignoring.
I don't know, what else to say. I don't know if I'd be sorry that you left for a while, how could I blame you when the sophomoric atmosphere just isn't appealing to me either?
This is after all supposed to be supportive at the very least. Open discussion is a good thing and conflict can be positive. I did see your comments as a genuine attempt to communicate. After thats been done, I don't know what the alternative is besides deciding to stop posting altogether, its sad but true and I'm really sorry this happened.
I've always thought your posts were particularly funny, kind and supportive and sought them out to read. You're leaving would be a huge loss
Posted by mikhail99 on January 10, 2003, at 11:50:06
In reply to Disillusioned, posted by Tabitha on January 10, 2003, at 7:56:51
> I don't know how to work out conflicts here. I tried with Alii, I used my "I feel" statements, I threw in some (sincere) praise along with the criticism. Maybe I could have worded it better. Looking back I think I could have, but it's a skill I'm learning. You can never be too gentle with people, I know that, yet I'm not gentle enough. I was just utterly stunned by the reply. The sarcastic subject line with my name in it was enough. My own words, my very "I feel" statement, twisted into a sarcastic quip. Can't think of anything worse. It didn't even get a PBC (another shocker, leading me to doubt my own perception of sarcasm). People say don't read posts if you have a problem with the person, a technique I use myself here, but subject lines are just there. THere's no choice about reading them.
You know Tabitha, you did just fine! I'm so angry that someone felt the need to tear your comments apart and analyze even though they're clearly not qualified to do so. I think it was easy to see that you were attempting to be sensitive and careful when you used "I feel" statements. That places the responsibility with you and no one else. There was no need for anyone to get sarcastic and nasty, I don't think you were trying to score any points with your posts and the debate over the use of touche just got out of hand. It's also too bad that the word "bitch" had to be thrown in. I think that the majority of us think long and hard about what we have to say and it isn't about being clever or witty, it's supposed to be about expressing yourself. I'm very disgusted that the postings had to degenerate into who could be the most clever.
>
> All the comments about duels just made me sad. I couldn't tell how much was directed at me, but if anyone thinks I'm here to duel, believe it or not I'm actually here to connect with people. The best advice I've ever gotten on human relationships says if you have a problem with a person, the way to resolve it is to state it, with all the "I feel" stuff, etc. If that's going to be interpreted as picking a fight, then I just have to give up.
>
> I'm not here to trade clever insults. I like cleverness, in the service of humor. Not mean-spirited humor. THere are so many comments on this board right now, in that thread, and the one to Beardedlady, that just strike me as being little insults, worded carefully so that they're barely under the radar of the civility cop. Maybe I'm misreading, but if so, then I can't function here. It's just too... can't even come up with a word. How about unsafe, that's pretty close.You are absolutely right about these posts just barely being civil. And when that happens, it's not too difficult to interpret intentions. I think the people responsible for the saracastic commentary were less concerned with the idea and intent of these boards and were more concerned with getting a direct hit.
>
> Did Nikki actually call me a bitch? Honestly I couldn't tell if it was me or Alii, but either way it didn't help the situation.Honestly, I don't think anyone was calling you a bitch but the OVERuse of the word was NO help at all.
>
> It seems every time a conflict comes up, it just divides the group, people take sides, or try to be careful not to take sides, and a bunch of insult-trading happens, and the unlucky impulsive ones get blocked, and the conflict doesn't get resolved, and the division lingers. I don't know how to manage that problem here, with this format. In group therapy it's hard enough, but at least it's possible. One of the keys there is that first of all the members are screened. You've all got the same goal, to learn to connect with each other. When conflict comes up, you're all trapped together talking it out til it's resolved. Of course you've got a professional there to help you with your wording. And if any one person causes too much conflict they are removed. Nobody is there to win the one-upmanship contest. And if they are, they'll have to talk about it til they give up their game.I think there's a very simple solution to monitoring this board and that is, if you wouldn't want it directed at you, you probably shouldn't say it. I think there is room here for honesty and disclosure but when one is too involved in the whole one-upmanship, then the intent of this board goes right down the toilet.
>
> I think Dr Bob is on the right track, trying to keep the focus on support and education. That's a manageable goal. I probably wanted too much from this group, I wanted it to be more of a community, and I wanted to connect with people and develop relationships. (Those dang people, they just get tired of talking about side effects and want to socialize!) In retrospect, I can see the threads that work best are the purely light-hearted ones, and the purely supportive ones (i.e. person posts problem, everyone offers support, person feels better).That's a good point too, that the light hearted and supportive posts work best here. I don't think anyone is out to censor people and I know that some of us (myself included) have a hard time with knowing what's always socially acceptable but like I said earlier, if you wouldn't want to be at the receiving end of your comment, then keep it to yourself!
>
> Yet I wanted more, I wanted to get to know people, get a picture of their personalities, and develop affection for them. Once you start doing that, then, conflicts happen, and, well, like I said, they just don't get worked out.
>
> Beardedlady's departure hit me hard, too. I think I understand it better now. Everyone has their limits. For her, it's being seen as cruel. Maybe she'll get over that hurt and return, again. But I'm sad that going off alone and licking your wounds is the only option here. There really ought to be a better way.
>
> I've been struggling with these feelings. I'd normally think OK, I'm hurt, I'll share my feelings with the group. I tried that one a while back, and got ridiculed for being too sensitive. The SPOW era. There's more stuff lately about thick skin, so I know that sharing my hurt will likely invite ridicule. It really leaves one in a box. Can't share hurt, can't share anger, can't call people on their crap.I hope your feelings will change about sharing your pain and hurt here. I always thought this was the place to do it. Of course, when we do, we open ourselves up to that "crap" you refer to. I guess the best we can do is look for certain names and avoid their posts. I know I'll be doing that in the future.
>
> Disillusioned. Hurt. Tears. Yup, I'm in tears over my message board. That's me. SPOW. Angry, the impotent kind, there's nothing to do with it. What do I do? Throw the computer across the room? Send some angry email? Sadness. COnfusion. Doubting my perceptions, unable to get clarification, because it doesn't even feel safe to talk about it.
>
> I learned one thing about relationships, and I learned it the hard way. If what you're doing doesn't work, and you keep thinking if only you try again, or try harder, it will work, well... it's time to stop. Even if you're hooked into hoping for change. Just stop.
Tabitha, I hope you won't be staying away from here. I've always appreciated everything you've had to say. I know that I've read some stuff on these boards from others and when I couldn't identify with it or if I thought it was out of left field, I decided that it would be best for everyone for me not to respond. Everyone here has that choice. If one feels they can't say something helpful or constructive or they don't understand then just don't respond! There are some very fragile folks here and we must respect that. (Tab, I hope you know that this diatribe of mine is not directed AT you but everyone) I would rather ban myself from the boards than think I would willfully hurt someone. If one feels they have to find a forum where they can be clever and witty at the expense of others, find another place to do it, this is not the place.'Nuf said.
Tabitha, take care of yourself. Check in with us from time to time!
Mik
Posted by mikhail99 on January 10, 2003, at 11:52:35
In reply to its not lack of safety to me, its lack of sense, posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 11:38:12
>
> In the last week I have seen so much garbage and thinly disguised personal insults that have more place on a high school bathroom wall.
> I don't understand it either Tabitha. I know for me its not lack of safety thats the problem its more just revulsion.
> I don't understand why the civility guidelines are being ignored here either How many times does someone have to apoligize before people can keep their
> petty (YES) and juvenile little jabs to themselves.
> Why post them here? Its not supportive its not clever and its not interesting. If its that important take it up on your own with the person involved.
>
> I don't know what to say about the bitch comment Tabitha, actually I'm not even sure its worth the effort of ignoring.
>
> I don't know, what else to say. I don't know if I'd be sorry that you left for a while, how could I blame you when the sophomoric atmosphere just isn't appealing to me either?
>
> This is after all supposed to be supportive at the very least. Open discussion is a good thing and conflict can be positive. I did see your comments as a genuine attempt to communicate. After thats been done, I don't know what the alternative is besides deciding to stop posting altogether, its sad but true and I'm really sorry this happened.
> I've always thought your posts were particularly funny, kind and supportive and sought them out to read. You're leaving would be a huge lossThanks Gabbix, you said that beautifully! You ROCK!! :-)
Mik
Posted by Dinah on January 10, 2003, at 12:10:31
In reply to Re: Disillusioned » Tabitha, posted by mikhail99 on January 10, 2003, at 11:50:06
I've started and erased a dozen posts today trying to figure out how to say "Let's get back to the real business of this board, supporting each other." And I haven't figured out a way to say it without seeming insensitive to the hurt all around, which I don't want to do. Because I don't think anyone was trying to be clever. I think everyone in one way or another was feeling hurt and responding to it in his/her own way. It's amazing how quickly hurt can spread around.
There was such a small number of posters involved on any of the threads, yet everything seems to have ground to a halt. And I am guilty of letting my frustration over that fact affect me.
I totally agree with what you said about the majority of us thinking long and hard about their posts. And yet even then misunderstandings arise and people are hurt.
I can't think of any reasonable solution except to just get on with things. And I'm afraid that sounds insensitive. Round and round, circular thinking.
Posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 12:44:44
In reply to Re: Disillusioned » mikhail99, posted by Dinah on January 10, 2003, at 12:10:31
Only partially of course...
and never could I see you as insensitive.People were genuinely hurt, but there were an awful lot of "after the fact" jabs that
in all honesty I think went way beyond responding to being hurt,and straight into the gratuitous nastiness department. I've a been hurt and overreacted, and I've been blocked for it too!
I could be completely off base there is always more to the story, regardless, judging by past P.B.C's there is no reason these personal insults should have gone unflagged.
And I can't defend the bitch comment,no matter how circular my thinking.
Posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 12:47:48
In reply to Re: Disillusioned » mikhail99, posted by Dinah on January 10, 2003, at 12:10:31
You make me blush..
Posted by mist on January 10, 2003, at 12:57:29
In reply to Disillusioned, posted by Tabitha on January 10, 2003, at 7:56:51
And it does make the board feel unsafe.
Posted by IsoM on January 10, 2003, at 12:59:19
In reply to Re: its not lack of safety to me, its lack of sense » gabbix2, posted by mikhail99 on January 10, 2003, at 11:52:35
Tabitha, I'm hoping the subject line caught your attention enough to read this.
I think the written form of communication on the internet is one of the worst way of expressing how we feel. You didn't err with your posts. And I feel that most times others didn't mean to either. I'd like to explain.
Because we come from such different backgrouds, experiences, mental/emotional states, & even cultures, something said by a poster, trying to express themself as best as they can, may mean an entirely different thing to a reader. It's frustrating for all concerned. And as you know, hurt escalates from there & doesn't seem to stop.
In over 30 years of adult life, I've got to know & have dealt with many people from different cultures - Japanese, Chinese, Korean (& each one is very different though all Oriental), Lebanese, Egyptian, South African (both white & black), Indonesian, Latin American (from a number of diff Central & South American countries), Punjabi (East Indian), native Indian (aboriginal), blacks from central Africa, Russian, Samoan (Polyensian), plus Europeans from Scandinavian down to Italian & Portuguese. It's unbelievable almost how different each one can seem but underneath, all have the same feelings, hopes, & disappointments.
I guess by trial & error, at first, then by specially reading about each person's cultures, mannerisams, idioms, etc, I've become pretty good at understanding people. I've had a Japanese woman say that I'm so Japanese compared to other Westerners. But then I had a lady from Vienna say I'm so European & onther from the Punjab say I'm so Indian. Latin Americans think I'm much like them. It's the ability to adapt & to take the best from each culture.
But there's no way I'd ever have learned without face-to-face contact. The internet is much too limited. I honestly think that many of us would really enjoy each others company if we were to meet face-to-face, even with those we seem to clash with. I honestly think that you & Alii would really like each other if you were to meet under better circumstances.
I don't even know if I have a point to this post. I'm saddened by the conflict & I HATE conflict. It's one reason that I post less & less here. I'm sure there'll be a point where I just don't bother any more. But I'd like you to know that the hurt & anger others feel probably wouldn't be there if we were to meet in real life.
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 10, 2003, at 13:09:22
In reply to Disillusioned, posted by Tabitha on January 10, 2003, at 7:56:51
Hun.. I relaly like reading your posts.. I may not reply to every one, but I do tend to read yours over alot of others.
The duel comments were IN NO WAY aimed at you.. far from it.. For me they were simply comments over the use of a single word, nothing what so ever connected with the people.. but I can see how that could have been misunderstood now.
There are some posters here that I find are always trying to start conflict, by posting messages that have a hint of antagonism about them, some people that always see the bad in any message or point.. but, I do not see you as one of these people at all.
I'm sorry you feel so sad about being here. I do really hope that it passes and you find some more peace here.
Nikki xx
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 10, 2003, at 13:15:01
In reply to Re: Disillusioned » Tabitha, posted by mikhail99 on January 10, 2003, at 11:50:06
a bitch.. I said I understood that when used in that context, the word was bitchy.. I said a WORD was bitchy.
If people would like to read between the lines of my posts and make accusations, please address them with ME.
I was not trying to be clever. I know I am thick as shit, I ahve been told this my whole life, so I can assure you I was simply talking. Nothing more, nothing less.
I am English, and hence I speak English English, not US English.. I even spoke to friends about this, and they all agreed that they only use the phrase Touche in a bitchy fashion, so maybe this is an English thing.
Nikki
Posted by Noa on January 10, 2003, at 14:21:04
In reply to I called NO ONE, posted by NikkiT2 on January 10, 2003, at 13:15:01
I have to confess I usually skip through most of a thread if I feel it has headed into conflict, but I wanted to comment on a couple of things.
First, thanks for raising the issue of linguistic misunderstandings, Nikki. I think there are real ways that we use language differently that can lead to misunderstandings. Glad you cleared that up.
Second, something that has been discussed here before is just how easy it is to misread people's intentions or affect via written posts. Misunderstandings and even slight sarcasm can lead to angry exchanges very easily and quickly.
Third, as for the posts that seem somewhat antagonistic or provocative, I have been using a rule of thumb for myself--if it seems like it is trying to provoke angry reaction, I stay out of it, and often just skip the rest of the thread.
Posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 15:37:08
In reply to Re: I called NO ONE and other misunderstandings, posted by Noa on January 10, 2003, at 14:21:04
>To me, its always means you've been a bitch.. if >someone is bitchy toward to someone, then we say >touche..
>Thats my understanding of the word, and yes, it >does seem to fit.Nicki, that's where the idea came from, that you'd referred to Tabitha as being bitchy, it was the "it does seem to fit" comment
Perhaps you meant your idea of what the word meant fit its actual definition, not that "bitchy" described the content of Tabitha's post.
I'm sorry if that was misunderstood very sorry,
and I'm sure Tabitha if she's reading these will be really relieved to know that too
I wasn't referring to you at all when I mentioned 'clever' it was toward the posts that as you put so well, in my opinion, have hints of antagonism.
Posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 15:47:14
In reply to Re: I called NO ONE and other misunderstandings, posted by Noa on January 10, 2003, at 14:21:04
> To me, its always means you've been a bitch..
>
> Thats my understanding of the word, and yes, it does seem to fit.Remember not to post anything that could lead others to feel accused, OK? Thanks,
Bob
PS: Follow-ups regarding posting policies should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration -- but if conflicts can get worked out here, that would be great...
This was another reason why you're intention was misunderstood. I'd thought if you'd not meant to put someone down, you would have said something here.
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 10, 2003, at 15:54:32
In reply to Re: I called NO ONE and other misunderstandings, posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 15:37:08
Ah, yes, I can see where the misunderstanding came from.
I was kind of trying, badly, to make my point.. that my definition, of it not being particularly nice, fitted the way it had been used.. but it was in no way directed toward a poster, just a situation.. I guess I really lose something when I cant use my hands.
I really am mortified I upset anyway.. I'm going through quite a detached phase at the moment, and it seems I find it hard to see how my words might impact on anyone but myself. I'm not seeing emotion in any way if that makes sense.
Thanks gabbix
Nikki
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 10, 2003, at 15:58:07
In reply to Re: I called NO ONE p.b.c NickiT2, posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 15:47:14
*laughing* I htought you'd pbc'd me there for something you'd copied into the thread!! Phew.. panic over
I honestly missed the pbc at first.. I didn;t get a new label (or did and missed it) so only saw it this evening.. it upset me a little as I realised what I had said.. and when I came back to it tonight this thread had already shot up. Also I was terrified of a reply sounding like I was simply back tracking anjd decided to give myself some time to think about my reply. I hate sticking up for myself, and I do feel I deserved the pbc..
Then once this thread was here I kind of panicked, attacked, and ran...
I am calm now though.. thankyou for your time tonight gabbi
Nikki
Posted by Dinah on January 10, 2003, at 16:06:23
In reply to Re: I called NO ONE and other misunderstandings » gabbix2, posted by NikkiT2 on January 10, 2003, at 15:54:32
Now I feel we're getting somewhere, and the heaviness on the board seems a bit less.
I'm hardly likely to be accused of being an eternal optimist, but in general I have come to the conclusion that it is wisest to give people the benefit of the doubt. And OK, sometimes I let my own hot buttons get in the way of doing that, but I do try. And also, sometimes the best possible interpretation still leaves room for irritation. But I've just seen too many times where it really seemed like someone meant one thing, but what they really meant was something else, or they really did mean what they said but only because they were starting with a mistaken belief.
I'm glad that my absolute disbelief that Nikki was calling Tabitha a bitch was justified. :)
Posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 16:10:23
In reply to Re: I called NO ONE p.b.c NickiT2 » gabbix2, posted by NikkiT2 on January 10, 2003, at 15:58:07
I'm so glad you took that the way it was meant.
I felt bad, because the combination of this annoying computer keyboard, and my state of mind made things sound more terse than I wanted.I'm just glad it got cleared up, and I hope you have a good Friday night. I doubt you'll be going out cause I know that you have as much problem getting out the door as I do, Friday or not. However when I'm at home wondering why no-one asks me to go out anymore.. I'll think good thoughts to you.
Posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 16:13:12
In reply to Re: Heyyy NickiT2 thank-you, posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 16:10:23
Posted by mikhail99 on January 10, 2003, at 16:17:13
In reply to Re: Disillusioned » mikhail99, posted by Dinah on January 10, 2003, at 12:10:31
> I've started and erased a dozen posts today trying to figure out how to say "Let's get back to the real business of this board, supporting each other." And I haven't figured out a way to say it without seeming insensitive to the hurt all around, which I don't want to do. Because I don't think anyone was trying to be clever. I think everyone in one way or another was feeling hurt and responding to it in his/her own way. It's amazing how quickly hurt can spread around.
>
> There was such a small number of posters involved on any of the threads, yet everything seems to have ground to a halt. And I am guilty of letting my frustration over that fact affect me.
>
> I totally agree with what you said about the majority of us thinking long and hard about their posts. And yet even then misunderstandings arise and people are hurt.
>
> I can't think of any reasonable solution except to just get on with things. And I'm afraid that sounds insensitive. Round and round, circular thinking.It doesn't sound insensitive, I think it's come to a point where that's all we can do. I think at this point, a lot of misunderstandings have been cleared up EXCEPT for the ones (and I'm sorry, I disagree with you) from those who felt the need to be sarcastically "witty". I guess it's probably a defensive mechanism for some but as I said previously, there are some fragile people here (and that could include me during certain moments in my life) and we must think before we type. Nothing is gained by nastiness and sarcasm. What was it my mother used to say, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all..." :-)
Now if we can just get Tabitha back... TABITHA!!!! TABITHA!!!!!
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 10, 2003, at 16:23:18
In reply to Re: Heyyy NickiT2 thank-you, posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 16:10:23
I'm having a really nice friday night (its 10:15pm here)... I'm drinking beer for the first time in ages (only had two bottles, just the right amount) and chatting on MSN with one of my bestest friends, a lady in canada who I met years ago online, and she visits me every year, and we are hoping I can get to hers this year some time.
I know some people might call me sad, but I;m warm and happy now tonight. VT (virtual time) frienships and arguments are very important to me, though I may deny it at time ;)
Nikki xx
Posted by Dinah on January 10, 2003, at 16:29:26
In reply to Re: Disillusioned » Dinah, posted by mikhail99 on January 10, 2003, at 16:17:13
With the confident exterior and the interior that is far more sensitive than she might care to admit, the Beardy who is devastated by the loss of her dog.
Besides, who would correct my many grammar errors. (which Miss Bearded Lady, ma'am, I assure you are mainly intentional.)
Posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 17:00:08
In reply to And Ms Bearded Lady, ma'am, too, posted by Dinah on January 10, 2003, at 16:29:26
I second that! and your description is my perception of miss Beardedlady too.
see look at al thes misstakes Im makin
doesnt this make yuo wantt to come bak berdy?
Posted by Tabitha on January 10, 2003, at 18:13:31
In reply to Re: And Ms Bearded Lady, ma'am, too, posted by gabbix2 on January 10, 2003, at 17:00:08
Wow, I'm overwhelmed. Can't even reply coherently now to these messages and some very kind emails, but wanted to at least say thanks Nikki for clearing up that one comment. I was truly confused about what you said. I know the responsible thing to do was to ask you for clarification, but I wasn't up to taking the risk of getting an unkind reply at that point.
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