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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by akc on December 10, 2001, at 16:22:37
I have called myself an alcoholic for 3 1/2 years now. But I have always been a bit of a fraud. Let me explain.
Up to the day I checked myself into treatment, my drinking had been sporadic. I was never a daily drinker. The most I ever drank was when I first was out of high school when I would party with my friends.
Now I always got drunk when I drank -- always. No matter the best of intentions, I got drunk. However, I just wouldn't drink again for awhile. And those periods could be months, and even years (the longest 14 months).
I believe I have a problem with alcohol. In AA, the first step is "I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable." By the time I reached treatment, that step fit. I couldn't control my drinking when I began -- remember, when I drank I always got drunk regardless of my intentions. And, my life had become unmanageable. I had reached a point that when I drank, I either wanted to cut or kill myself. That seemed to me to be pretty unmanageable.
The reality is I cannot drink like others -- and the best plan of action is to never drink again. It is too dangerous. Just this past spring I got so drunk I fell in my house and hit my head -- I could have been seriously hurt.
But at the same time, I don't seem myself in the same vein as hard core drinkers -- I'm just a crazy person who can't drink.
I still hate my life.
akc
Posted by JohnDoenut on December 10, 2001, at 17:59:50
In reply to alcoholic, posted by akc on December 10, 2001, at 16:22:37
Are you taking into account the drinking and the meds? This may be a factor. . . the affect of alcohol and the interaction of the meds together.
Posted by sar on December 10, 2001, at 21:58:58
In reply to alcoholic, posted by akc on December 10, 2001, at 16:22:37
dear akc,
what medications are you on?
i think the first step is admitting addiction, facing reality.
*however,* and this may be unkosher to say, i know quite a few people who drink sporadically, but when they do drink, they drink to get drunk. otherwise they end up feeling sick or headache-y.
sometimes i think it's cultural...why are so many americans "alcoholics"?
if it causes problems in your life, then i would seriously consider chaning patterns.
of course, you are getting this message from a young'un. i drink daily, i act like emily dickenson but i have the tolerance of a fratdad. i am addicted.
the thing i worry about is getting too drunk, too f****ed up to the point to where you want to hurt yourself. last night i was drinking beer writing in my diary of love and dreams, but by the end i was drunk and writing about hanging myself when the weather got warm.
it's crossing that dangerous line.
what do you think? i'm in no position to give advive, only to share.
Posted by Shar on December 10, 2001, at 23:46:48
In reply to alcoholic, posted by akc on December 10, 2001, at 16:22:37
"I don't seem myself in the same vein as hard core drinkers -- I'm just a crazy person who can't drink."
==================================I mean this in the most civil and respectful way possible, and not directly and only to you, akc. I am responding to this because it seems I've heard it a lot lately. The 'us' and 'them' approach to alcoholism. When I attended a family night at my son's rehab center, there were 3 speakers who came in and talked about their recovery.
Two of the speakers discussed their notions, when recovering, of how they differed from 'those other' alcoholics. The ways varied; might be related to what they drank, when they drank, who they drank with, the reasons they gave for drinking, frequency of drinking. Could be a lot of things, and the important part was the differentiation of the speaker from 'other alcoholics.' They categorized that thinking as denial.
Point they were making was there really is no difference. Doesn't matter who, what, when, where, why, how, etc. The commonality among AAers is that they ARE alike under the skin, and they DO deal with the same problem (addiction). That problem has many forms, but the form doesn't make a true difference between the folks you'll see at an AA meeting.
At my first AA meeting, a guy was relating a story about waking up in a Dempsey Dumpster with a horrible hangover and thinking "I don't want to do this any more." Well, I've never awakened in a Dempsey Dumpster, but I knew I could have (there but for the grace of god...) and that his problem and my problem were the same.
Shar
Posted by akc on December 11, 2001, at 6:39:20
In reply to alcoholic vs. just can't drink, posted by Shar on December 10, 2001, at 23:46:48
I am not denying I am an alcoholic. I cannot drink "normally." It is stupid for me to take even one drink, because history has shown that when I take one drink, I get drunk, and that bad things happen.
My complaint is that it is as ignorant to treat each alcohlic/addict the same as it would be to treat each person presenting symptoms of bipolar. Look here, your bipolar, take these three meds and call me in the morning.
I am a huge supporter of AA (just see some of the other threads recently on this page). The fellowship is an important part of my life -- I go to several meetings a week. Even though I have picked up here recently, I have continued to go to meetings (I sit there ashamed wondering when I am going to take that first step again).
My complaint was with how my pdoc treated me yesterday. She was ready to send me to a half-way house without really knowing me. To separate me from my animals -- who are an important factor in keeping me alive.
I drink/cut right now not so much because I am an alcoholic (which I am) but because I am very depressed. I talked to my pdoc again last night -- she is now to the point that maybe I need hospitalized. That fits. Because what is wrong is not that I have fallen off the wagon, but that my mental illness is out of control. To just treat me as another drunk is to ignore the person. The drinking is a symptom of a larger problem. To focus on the drinking as the cause -- well that is pretty stupid too because the facts don't fit that.
In how it works it reads that "There are those to with grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest." Even Bill recognized that some drinkers had some extra problems. People are different. Period. AA works for a lot of people and I will always go and I will always hope that one day I get the miracle. But for my pdoc to treat me like a gutter drunk who can't hold a job -- well, that was upsetting. Especially when the drinking is a symptom of my mental illness, not the other way around.
One last story. When I was in my early 20s, I was involved in a church that marriage was expected and all. So you would be around a bunch of women and the issue of having kids would come up. I would always say I didn't want kids. And the comments always were, oh, you will want kids -- all women want kids. I shook my head at the time because that was not a very wise statement -- of course not all women would want kids for a variety of reasons.
People are different -- and get sick and well for a variety of reasons. AA has been a miracle in that it has helped so many hopeless drunks. And it has helped me put together some time. But why each drunk makes it there -- well it is for different reasons -- and those differences can be important. Especially in a situation where the person suffers from a grave emotional disorder.
I'm a drunk. I shouldn't drink. But I ask to be treated with respect by my pdoc and not pigeon-hole. That was what my post was about -- not getting further pigeon-holed.
Plus I was upset. Which I continue to be.
akc
Posted by Shar on December 11, 2001, at 23:39:55
In reply to Re: alcoholic vs. mental illness » Shar, posted by akc on December 11, 2001, at 6:39:20
I must have been very unclear, for which I apologize. The "sameness" I was applying to all alcoholics was their struggle with addiction. I do believe that all alcoholics struggle with addiction.
I do not, on the other hand, believe that all alcoholics are identical to each other, nor do I believe that there is one treatment that will be effective with every single alcoholic, nor do I believe that every alcoholic manifests the addiction in the exact same way. Thinking that would just be silly.
I am very sorry if I came across as categorizing people in that way.
This is the end of the thread.
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