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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on September 16, 2008, at 20:20:46
I just want to apologize to everyone here, especially to those who have responded to my recent posts, for my lack of posting/responding recently and for basically disappearing. In fact I havent disappeared at all.. I'm still reading in the evenings.. I just havent been able to respond. I really appreciate all the thoughtful and helpful responses everyone has written to my recent posts and I'm very sorry if anyone feels ignored, unappreciated, etc. Please know it's not personal and I really do appreciate it. I've had several really major blows recently involving problems with my romantic relationship, work, and my therapist.. probably the biggest 3 things in my life.. and I'm just very unstable overall. I'm experiencing every emotion I can think of and it's changing from minute to minute. For extra fun, I cannot rely on my closest friend/support right due (long story) and my therapist is out of town due to an impending death in her family and had to cancel tomorrows appt.
Anyway, I just wanted to apologize and address my absence. I hope no one feels frustrated, unhappy, etc because of my lack of responses/support to others/etc. I am reading, and I do care, I just have no emotional/mental reserve left right now. Thank you again everyone for your help and for listening. I promise to get it together soon.
Posted by lucie lu on September 16, 2008, at 20:39:02
In reply to Sorry for being gone, posted by wishingstar on September 16, 2008, at 20:20:46
Wishingstar,
I'm so sorry to hear things have been so hard recently for you. I'm glad at least you have the time to read the board if not to post. It happens to us all the time that real life intrudes and our attentions need to be elsewhere. I hope things work out for you soon. We'll be thinking of you.
My mother has a great email closer - NRN. It stands for No Reply Necessary. I think I will sign some of my posts from now on, NRN.
Take care,
Lucie
Posted by Phillipa on September 16, 2008, at 23:47:08
In reply to Re: Sorry for being gone » wishingstar, posted by lucie lu on September 16, 2008, at 20:39:02
Wishingstar it's you you need to be thinking about at this time. Take time for you and seek support for you. Phillipa
Posted by llurpsienoodle on September 17, 2008, at 4:31:49
In reply to Re: Sorry for being gone, posted by Phillipa on September 16, 2008, at 23:47:08
((((((((((wishy)))))))))))
thanks for saying hi, you know you'll always be welcome here, even if you need a break now and then.Things sound SO tough. Take good care of you, and don't be afraid to talk to pdoc in a pinch. when my T has been away, I try to schedule a pdoc appt, because at least I'll have SOMEone to vent to.
hugs to you. no response necessary.
we're thinking of you
-Ll
Posted by Nadezda on September 17, 2008, at 10:29:54
In reply to Sorry for being gone, posted by wishingstar on September 16, 2008, at 20:20:46
It sounds like you're going through more than enough in your life, without any more to worry about..
Speaking for myself, I'm concerned about how you're doing, because I know you were feeling shaky even before some of these so-difficult issues surfaced That's why I'm sorry that you haven't felt able to post. But I don't feel let down. All of us, I'm sure, have gone through periods when we didn't have the energy or clarity to put together a post about how/where we were. It's as struggle on the best of days to get your thoughts down-- and to say what's really on your mind.
And often whatever I've written about is weighing on me so heavily, that it's hard to write individual responses-- especially when so people put so much thought into responding-- so I want even more to respond, yet it feels that I'm just not up to the task of responding as each one deserves.
I 'm glad to know, though, that you've been here in spirit, and are still connecting to us-- that's a really good thought. And I hope you know that any time you do write, you don't have to feel that individual responses are required. Even if it's great to get one-- I think all of us know that the pressure of events and time can make it impossible.
I hope you can post from time to time to let us know how you're doing. And I hope that at least your support system will be more in place soon-- I assume your still seeing your current T? Will she be around more consistently soon?
(((Wishingstar)))
Nadezda
Posted by antigua3 on September 17, 2008, at 17:25:33
In reply to Sorry for being gone, posted by wishingstar on September 16, 2008, at 20:20:46
Please don't worry about this; you have enough on your mind.
Is there anything we can do to help?
Just keep it in your heart that we're here for you if you need us. And, as it has been said before, nobody is keeping score here; we just all do what we can.
Please take care of yourself,
NRN (I like this!),
antigua
Posted by lemonaide on September 17, 2008, at 22:26:26
In reply to Sorry for being gone, posted by wishingstar on September 16, 2008, at 20:20:46
Sorry things have been hard. It is nice to see your name, you don't always have to respond, I am guilty of this too when I am feeling overwhelmed. Take care of yourself...
Posted by wishingstar on September 18, 2008, at 21:21:59
In reply to Sorry for being gone, posted by wishingstar on September 16, 2008, at 20:20:46
Thanks everyone for being so understanding and supportive. I really need that right now and I appreciate it.
I forget if I said this in my above post but my T had a death in her family and had to unexpectedly leave town and cancel my session for this past Wed. She hopes to be back Monday and scheduled an appt for me that day but it's really quite up in the air.
I called the couples T my boyfriend and I saw a few weeks ago, and also emailed my "old T" from 2 hours away... explained to both that current T is gone for an emergency and I desperately need to talk to someone.. both refused. Old T said in email that she feels like she's being triangulated (understandable, although I dont think its accurate right now) and wants me to talk to current T before seeing her again, even once. If I could talk to current T, I'd never have emailed her! I'm just DESPERATE for someone to talk to right now. Anyone. Even a T I havent met, if theyd see me for a session, I dont care. I'd PREFER my current T or my old T, but at this point, anyone is better than nothing. I cant see any of the other Ts at my current Ts office, even once, because I work in the field and refer my own clients to them for counseling sometimes and they are professional colleagues to me. I dont want them knowing my personal stuff.
My boyfriend has always been my major support outside therapy and due to the issues we're having I cannot lean on him at all right now. When i try, he immediately launches into how he feels worthless etc etc and I end up having to comfort him. I have talked to him about this but it keeps happening. And now every T I have any contact with is unavailable or unwilling to see me.
I havent felt this way in a long time. I had bad nausea all night last night (it woke me up) and I've had a sharp stomach ache all day today. Stress related. I dont usually get physical symptoms either. I feel like I'm losing touch with my ability to feel things, which is a very old coping mechanism for me that I havent really fell into for several years now. Once I learned to talk and cope and use healthier things, I stopped really being able to "turn it off" and feel "nothing"... and now I'm struggling at that line of "nothingness" trying not to fall over. It's not dissociation... it's just shoving everything down. But it's bubbling up and it feels REALLY bad. I feel like screaming and kicking and throwing a major fit, and crying, and hiding, and hurting myself, and throwing things.. you name it. I just feel like the two options are step into this "nothingness" or totally lose control and I dont feel like the choice is totally mine anymore... I've lost the ability to control it completely. I think just an hour to talk to someone would help so much.. I need a release.. but I cant get it. I've been journaling and keeping busy and trying to use all the good coping mechanisms I know. I've been fairly productive at work even. But I'm just at the end of my rope... I'm so overwhelmed with feelings and every outlet I had is gone right now. The things I was upset about a week or 2 ago dont even feel that strong right now... theyre there, but the pain of them has disappeared and been replaced by this overwhelming feeling of "out of control" and "desperate", fighting the "nothingness" I mentioned. This isnt "depressed" exactly, although it sort of is. Depressed I can deal with... I know what that is.. but this is different. I'm lost. I really couldnt give many "feeling words" for this.
A few of you I think asked me what it is I need right now. I dont think it's anything anyone here can provide. I need to sit down in front of someone, be able to talk, without having to comfort them. I need to feel vulnerable for a few minutes. I appreciate everyone saying to keep posting and I will try to, but it's hard to conjure up words for anything right now. As you see, when I do, it's long and rambly and probably doesnt make much sense anyway.
Thank you all for being so understanding. Tomorrow I'll go to work and continue to play the competent, intelligent, together "game", no emotion involved, as I do every day. My job depends on me putting on that face.
Posted by lucie lu on September 19, 2008, at 8:15:10
In reply to Re: Sorry for being gone - long rambly, posted by wishingstar on September 18, 2008, at 21:21:59
Wishingstar,I don't know if this is a good suggestion or not, but could you try an on-line therapist? I have always been curious about those, even thought about finding one myself for when my T is away.
Wish we could do more for you.
(((((((((((((((((((((wishingstar)))))))))))))))))
NRN! Best, Lucie
Posted by wishingstar on September 19, 2008, at 20:42:25
In reply to Re: Sorry for being gone - long rambly » wishingstar, posted by lucie lu on September 19, 2008, at 8:15:10
I'm going on a small trip to a state park/lake area this weekend with my boyfriend and a few old friends we used to dance with (ballet). I havent seen the other 2 couples in a year. I'm hoping it'll be helpful.. it'll keep me busy if nothing else. T would be proud as I think going is probably a healthy thing to do. I'll let you all know how it goes when I get back.
Posted by Nadezda on September 19, 2008, at 21:28:16
In reply to Re: Sorry for being gone - long rambly, posted by wishingstar on September 19, 2008, at 20:42:25
Have a good time and try to relax and just enjoy your friends' company, Wishingstar.
Lakes and parks can be really restful, enlivening places. So I hope you have a peaceful weekend.
Nadezda
This is the end of the thread.
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