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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 18:55:10
Hi
I find it interesting to read that many of you send emails to your T and visa-versa. I wonder how therapist feel about it. Do they set boundaries for you? I would be worried that someone would write a suicide note to their T or something along those lines.
I wouldn't want to have email contact with a therapist. It seems like it crosses boundaries.
Opinions?
Maxime
Posted by zenhussy on December 31, 2007, at 19:38:48
In reply to Emails + psycho therapy, posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 18:55:10
Posted by sunnydays on December 31, 2007, at 20:32:00
In reply to Emails + psycho therapy, posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 18:55:10
I email my T all the time - quite often daily, if not more. He says I can email as much as I want and that when I am ready to write less I will. And I do go through periods where I don't write hardly at all when I am feeling better. Specifically over break he told me I could email him as much as I want to.
The boundaries for him come in that he sends very short responses, and only answers one or maybe two emails per day, although he will read them all, if quickly. He also only checks his email at work, which he has told me and I know not to expect an email if he's not at work. And since he doesn't respond to all my emails I don't expect more than about one response a day. I certainly understand that he doesn't usually check his email very reliably and I can't count on it, so in a crisis I have other things I know I can do to reach him and/or someone else at the agency where he works.
He seems to think it is something useful because I write much better than I speak. But I do think there is still a sense of boundaries kept. He doesn't respond to the pages I send him except with a word or two, and then we will talk sometimes about the topics in session, but usually only if I bring them up first. So the onus is still on me to do the work.
A suicide note? Well, I've written about suicide, but I would never do that to him. He generally knows when I'm in crisis and we set up more frequent phone check-ins and things like that to make sure I'm ok.
I think it crosses boundaries, but not necessarily in a bad or unethical way. It just depends on which boundaries a particular therapist-client pair find important to maintain the therapeutic space.
Also, I think most or all of my emails go in my chart, so that's another layer of protection for him and there are sometimes things I save for sessions because I would never want them on paper for someone to see.
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on December 31, 2007, at 21:52:47
In reply to Emails + psycho therapy, posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 18:55:10
IMHO I think the email thing would probably vary widely.
I think peoples therapy varies widely.
Due in some part to the nature of the client and how they present.
And also due to the nature of the T, and their training and experience.
So I think email may be fantastic for some, terrible for others and evrything in btwn.
I also think it can be abused like anything else.
Boundaries are not set in stone neccesarily and everyones boundaries vary.
They also vary according to where you are in therapy as well.
So, that being said, I do email.
I used to fax. But that was a pain.
Email uses less paper, and I am more spontaneous and honest with it. I used to edit my faxes too much.
It also enables my T to send a brief reply if she wishes to reassure me. So its a timesaver as well for her.
I blank out on the phone, so phoning is useless.
I tend to be rather mute in T. So my faxes were able to help with my expressing myself. The same goes with emails.
I email stuff I just cannot blurt out, and then when I goto T, we can talk about parts of them as I might wish to.
Cuz I just can't say stuff much, I freeze up.
So for me, it has been useful.
But I agree, that may not be the case for all.
I am thankful for email, it has helped me alot.
LOL!!! I dunno what my T might say!!!! LOL!!!
But she has never said anything negative bout it, and I have asked if its a prob. and she said no. So I guess its OK!
Take care,
M
Posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 22:51:36
In reply to Re: Emails + psycho therapy » Maxime, posted by muffled on December 31, 2007, at 21:52:47
I can see now how emails would be useful for some people. I think I might be one of them! LOL! I also can write my feelings better than expressing them in his office.
Maxime
Posted by Racer on December 31, 2007, at 22:51:40
In reply to Emails + psycho therapy, posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 18:55:10
Every so often, I'll email something to my T -- like when I sent a very assertive email to the board of our HOA, I forwarded a copy to her, so we could talk about it. It's not often, though, and it's not really part of therapy.
I *do* check in with my pdoc via email pretty regularly, though. It's something he offers, and I think because of my history he considers it a good thing for me to do, because it helps form the connection between us. When I started EMSAM, since I have a history of freaking out over new medications, we set it up that I'd email twice a week to check in on how it was going. That helped a lot for me.
I don't know -- I see what you mean about boundaries, but I think it can work for some people. Those who have trouble talking in session, or those who need the connection between sessions. Or those who have revelations between sessions that they just won't remember -- says she of the swiss cheese brain.
For what it's worth, my therapist has only replied to one of my emails, and that was a check in for the pdoc that I included her on. My pdoc does respond, even though I told him he didn't have to respond to the updates on EMSAM. I like that about him. And the emails do help -- even though he's been consistently good for me, I still freak out that I'll somehow ruin it. Hearing back from him helps alleviate that fear.
Good discussion topic, by the way.
Posted by star008 on January 1, 2008, at 1:28:10
In reply to Emails + psycho therapy, posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 18:55:10
I think I would like it if I had the option to email my t..He has never offered it and I have never asked.. I could though i guess.. I could get alot more info out a lot faster if I could write it out. I could ask if he has an office emai.. i hate to even ask though
Posted by lovelorn on January 1, 2008, at 11:09:02
In reply to Emails + psycho therapy, posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 18:55:10
lol. Mine doesn't even have a computer on her desk! We don't do emails. At this point it would feel, to me, as if boundaries have been crossed. Though I do see a value to it for those that express themselves better in writing. I just imagine though that if the T has X number of clients, it must get to be quite a handful of work to receive emails and to see clients face-to-face. I imagine they have a system worked out or limit it to only certain clients, as the case may be.
Mine has offered me to call her in between sessions if I need.
Posted by Poet on January 1, 2008, at 12:56:38
In reply to Emails + psycho therapy, posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 18:55:10
Hi Maxime,
I don't email my T very often, usually when I have something I need to tell her that I'm not comfortable saying on the phone. Yeah, think I'll ever get over my trust issues?
She voluntarily gave me her email address so I know she's okay with it. Her responses are usually something along the lines of we'll talk about this in our next session.
Poet
Posted by Wittgenstein on January 1, 2008, at 15:27:17
In reply to Re: Emails + psycho therapy » Maxime, posted by Poet on January 1, 2008, at 12:56:38
Hi Maxime,
I've had e-mail contact with my T since the first session, and I think it's a standard means of contact for him besides phone.
I've found it useful as words come easier to me on 'paper' and I'm not that keen on phoning. In the first months I sent him lengthy texts which he printed and read (usually didn't reply) - this was a good way to cover a lot of ground regarding my history. However, as time has gone on, he has encouraged me to speak about the contents of the texts rather than just write - he'd ask me to 'remind him what was written'. He stressed that it was important to talk everything over in the 'therapeutic space'.
Lately, I do e-mail him every now and again - perhaps once in a week or two and he mostly replies with some advice or support. It's a good way to keep connected.
Witti
Posted by anneke06 on January 1, 2008, at 19:18:22
In reply to Emails + psycho therapy, posted by Maxime on December 31, 2007, at 18:55:10
I use e-mail extensively with my therapist...at least once a week and she almost always answers them. We've talked about it many times and she encourages it as it helps me stay connected.
Posted by antigua3 on January 2, 2008, at 6:54:56
In reply to Re: Emails + psycho therapy, posted by anneke06 on January 1, 2008, at 19:18:22
Good thread. I'm jealous of those who can email. My T doesn't mind emails to keep her up to date between sessions, but her replies are always very short and on the line of "we'll discuss that in session." She's not very computer literate, and it can take a week to get the expected response, but it's very useful now that we are at every other week. If it's really important, I always call and she calls back quickly.
I don't even have my pdoc's email. I do write to him, though, when I think there's been a misunderstanding or I have something to say. He never calls about the writing, and waits for me to bring it up. His point is that he wants me to be able to verbalize these feelings in therapy, which I agree with. that said, he says he's learned a tremendous amount from what I've written and that I do "written" therapy well. He thinks it's cathartic, but I don't view it that way.
I wish I could email my pdoc, but I understand this boundary.
antigua
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