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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on December 24, 2007, at 3:05:27
Dear Santa,
It is Christmas eve and the world is holding its breath. What will you bring tomorrow? Will we wake up to wonderful surprises?
I am asking for something really hard this year. I'm pretty sure it won't fit in my stocking...but maybe you can find a way to wrap it up. Santa - I want to stop feeling suicidal and embrace 2008. Instead of feeling sad about another year to get through, I want to find some joy and peace every day. I want to be able to say "next week or next month" without flinching. I want to have the hope that others have for me. It's a tall order Santa - do you think you can help me?
Santa - last year you gave me the gift of great friends - friends who made 2007 bearable. This year I'm asking that you give me the wisdom and strength to be a good friend in return. Maybe I could borrow some of your magic dust?
I know this is a lot to ask, Santa. But I'm asking anyway. Nothing else matters, really.
Thanks for listening. And for Babble.
I left the milk and cookies out. Don't step on the cat.
Love,
Daisy
Posted by fallsfall on December 24, 2007, at 8:28:11
In reply to Dear Santa (trigger), posted by Daisym on December 24, 2007, at 3:05:27
Dear Daisy,
Santa does have magic, and you CAN have what you have asked for. He's really busy today, but I made sure that he read your letter, and he has packed your gift in his sack.
Love,
Mrs. ClausP.S. Your nice-ness rating is very, very, very high. You should be proud of that!
Posted by star008 on December 24, 2007, at 15:17:01
In reply to Dear Santa (trigger), posted by Daisym on December 24, 2007, at 3:05:27
Daisy..
What a wonderful letter.. It touched me. You are right, nothing else really matters..
You know, if I could, I would wrap up your wish like a giant present and leave it on your doorstep for you to see in the morning.. You would never have to open it up. only you and I would know what the gift was.. and what a gift it would be.
All I can do is wish for you. A wish for peace, contentment, and most of all a wish that you will wake up looking forward to each day.
Posted by Poet on December 24, 2007, at 15:21:58
In reply to Dear Santa (trigger), posted by Daisym on December 24, 2007, at 3:05:27
Hi Daisy,
I have a stocking hanging on the mantle maybe Santa can bring enough joy and peace for both of us.
I can't leave cookies and milk out, my cats would eat/drink them.
You've always been a great babblefriend to me.
Poet
Posted by muffled on December 24, 2007, at 15:32:27
In reply to Dear Santa (trigger), posted by Daisym on December 24, 2007, at 3:05:27
You bestow beauty and understanding upon this world daisy.
Thanks for that.
Hope you can get some peace, and maybe even some joy this season somehow.
The beautiful miraculous creation that was baby daisy is still there. She got badly hurt. But the beauty is still there. We see it when you post.
Don't give up on that.
Don't let the badness win.
Take good care.
M
Posted by annierose on December 24, 2007, at 16:19:17
In reply to Dear Santa (trigger), posted by Daisym on December 24, 2007, at 3:05:27
I hope you get all your wishes. You deserve to be happier. You deserve a life without so much pain.
You already are a wonderful friend to so many people, including me. You already are that person that is kind and gentle and thoughtful and there.
I hope Santa fulfills your dreams.
Love, Annie
Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2007, at 23:24:34
In reply to Dear Santa (trigger), posted by Daisym on December 24, 2007, at 3:05:27
You certainly deserve all that and more, Daisy.
I hope you get all that you wish for.
Posted by DAisym on December 25, 2007, at 0:36:41
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » Daisym, posted by fallsfall on December 24, 2007, at 8:28:11
I'm glad Mrs. Claus thinks I'm nice. :) I want to stay on her good side.
It feels very selfish to ask Santa for such a personal thing -- maybe if I wished for world peace instead of inner peace, it would be better. I keep hoping that the work I do in my own little corner contributes and makes it OK for me to ask this. But I don't know. I don't know much these days.
Thanks for speaking to Santa on my behalf, Mrs. Claus. Keep a little magic for yourself, too.
Love and hugs,
Daisy
Posted by DAisym on December 25, 2007, at 0:39:21
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » Daisym, posted by star008 on December 24, 2007, at 15:17:01
I believe in the power of universal wishes. So I'll take yours and add it to mine. Thank you for that.
I see so much beauty around me and so many possibilities. And yet I can't quite reach out...can't grab on to that hope that keeps everything going.
But thank you for making me feel less alone.
Merry Christmas,
Daisy
Posted by DAisym on December 25, 2007, at 0:41:40
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » Daisym, posted by Poet on December 24, 2007, at 15:21:58
Hi Poet,
I can't think of a nicer way to spend Christmas, sharing a stocking with you. You are so sweet to offer.
I hope you hung up a huge stocking, so we have enough of that inner-peace to share.
And leave out some cat treats...I hear Santa likes those as well as cookies. Your cats told me so.
You are special Poet. Don't forget that.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by DAisym on December 25, 2007, at 0:46:41
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger), posted by muffled on December 24, 2007, at 15:32:27
Beauty? Kind of a stretch there Muffled - but thanks. It made me smile.
It isn't so much the badness winning as it is being tired. Tired of feeling ineffective in a world that doesn't seem to care about kids and tired of wishing so many things were different. I want to fix it all, to protect them all. And I can't even protect myself. I used to believe that I could make a difference...now I just feel like I'm tossing pebbles in a pond.
ug - It isn't just work but so many things. But thanks for the support and encouragement.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your children.
Daisy
Posted by DAisym on December 25, 2007, at 0:50:08
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger), posted by annierose on December 24, 2007, at 16:19:17
Annie,
You have been such a good friend. It warms my heart to think I've in anyway been one back. Lately I feel like all I do is lean - instead of support. Maybe we could stand back-to-back, leaning and supporting at the same time? I've heard this works!
I don't know about deserve - there are lots of people who've gone through lots worse. Sometimes the weight of it all just gets to me and I don't know where to turn. Santa seemed a good option.
Thanks for vouching for me. I know you and he are on good terms.
Love and hugs,
Daisy
Posted by DAisym on December 25, 2007, at 0:51:20
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » Daisym, posted by Dinah on December 24, 2007, at 23:24:34
Thanks Dinah. I know you've been having a rough go of it and I've not been here much. But I'm sending out good thoughts and I quietly cheer you on from the side lines.
I hope Santa was good to you and yours.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 1:59:02
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » muffled, posted by DAisym on December 25, 2007, at 0:46:41
> Beauty? Kind of a stretch there Muffled - but thanks. It made me smile.
I wrote something to T, where I said 'the beauty was not gone.' She assumed it was the beauty in my inner kid, but I'd actually meant the beauty in the world was not gone. But that beauty was overshadowed by badness, but it was not gone...
But then I thot bout my Franchesca(my inner baby), and how sweet and pure she is, and I thot she IS beautiful....and she, is in me...weird...but oddly comforting somehow.
And sorry to tell you, but there's been times I have read what you have written, and I have seen beauty. Like or lump it Daisy, you got beauty, you do.
> It isn't so much the badness winning as it is being tired. Tired of feeling ineffective in a world that doesn't seem to care about kids and tired of wishing so many things were different. I want to fix it all, to protect them all. And I can't even protect myself. I used to believe that I could make a difference...now I just feel like I'm tossing pebbles in a pond.*a few sessions ago, I was talking to my T, saying i couldn't stand the badness. I couldn't stand the bad thots in my head. They were so disgusting.
She of course delicately asked the question of why did I feel my thots were disgusting, and it crossed my mind that she wanted to make sure I wasn't having bad thots towards kids, she may have asked right out, don't remember. But I had to explain to her that my bad thots,was that I WORRY so much bout ALL kids out there. I can look at kids in my kids school, and sometimes I sit there and think.....there are MANY kids walking past me right now who are being abused....and noone knows. And I feel enraged and helpless all over again. That I can't somehow stop it. I can't know which kids are hurting and help them, protect them.Be beside them and keep them safe. Hold them in my arms if they feel safe w/that, and just let them feel safe and not alone for a bit with their secrets. I used that word too, protect, I said i wanted to protect them all. But I felt so dirty and disgusting to even be thinking that way, that my thots would dwell on this horribleness.
But you know Daisy, if you manage to help even 1 single child to feel less alone.....then that is work well done. What if that child had been me, or you....just one child helped is HUGE. And then maybe, just maybe, that child will be able to help others too.
I know the world seems like such a horrible cesspool at times, but there is good too. Sometimes it may be hard to find. But its there....somewhere...> ug - It isn't just work but so many things. But thanks for the support and encouragement.
*well, if its of any use to you to post here, post away....
I dunno where your at, but sometimes the world seems so w/o hope for me. But we gotta keep trying. I wanna try and be good. I wanna try and do some goodness in this dark world. My light is dim, I reckon it was damaged, but I gonna shine what light I got and keep trying.
Like my T says, sometimes when we just don't know what else to do....we just keep going...
> I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your children.
> Daisy*Thanks Daisy. I hope your Christmas is OK too.
You've said lotsa good stuff whats helped me when you post.
You are very insightful into interpersonal stuff often.
Thanks.
M
Posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 2:26:24
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » DAisym, posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 1:59:02
And its not like it is for other people for us to think these things.
Gazing upon the kids in the schoolyard...
Others may say to themselves, sadly, that statistically speaking 1 in 5 of those kids walking by are being, or will be SA, but thats where it stops likely.
Those people just say SA, but they don't get pitures in their heads....
They don't think of how those kids FEEL....
In their bodies, in their minds, in their souls...
They don't think of so many things...
Details...
:-(
And THATS why I feel so disgusting.
:-(
Thats why I feel tainted. My T tries to tell me I am not. But I AM, and this is an example of it.
Other people don't think thots like me. I am glad they don't. I am sad that others do. That they know.
And I feel so helpless.
I want to protect them all.
I don't want those sweet babies to feel what I feel.
I guess,
what I felt.
Or someone did anyways.
But I will try.
I will keep my eyes open.
Try to keep my heart open.
Shrivelled though it may be.
M
Posted by gardenergirl on December 25, 2007, at 2:27:29
In reply to Dear Santa (trigger), posted by Daisym on December 24, 2007, at 3:05:27
Dear Daisy,
You are dear to me. I hope like heck Santa brings you what you wish for. I wish it for you, too.When I was a girl, we used to write our letters to Santa on Christmas Eve, and then toss them in the fire. My parents said that the smoke would find its way up to Santa at the North Pole where he'd read our letters before he set out on his magical journey. Earlier today I thought about writing down my wishes for the year and throwing them in the fireplace. Maybe next time we're all together around a fireplace (and it's not housing any critters), we can send our wishes and dreams out to the universe. Depending on the season, maybe a grill would suffice?
If I could wrap up the warm feelings I've had and have for you in a pretty box with a perky bow and have it delivered Christmas morn, I would. Perhaps I can toss it up as Santa goes flying by. He does go east to west, right? ;)
Merry Christmas, Daisy.
gg
Posted by Daisym on December 26, 2007, at 0:42:01
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » DAisym, posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 1:59:02
Don't look now but it seems like you are admitting more and more what happened to you and how it makes you feel. It seems to me that this is HUGE progress. I think you are a sensitive soul and I bet you help lots of children.
Take care.
Posted by Daisym on December 26, 2007, at 0:48:37
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » Daisym, posted by gardenergirl on December 25, 2007, at 2:27:29
I forgot how tight you and Santa were - I love that he is willing to messenger for you. :)
I think starting a tradition of Santa letters from babblers would be terrific. I know he accepts wishes all year long. What a sweet thing for your parents to teach you. I hope you continue the tradition with your nephew.
I treasure our friendship. I hope you know that.
Love,
Daisy
Posted by antigua3 on December 26, 2007, at 9:53:37
In reply to Dear Santa (trigger), posted by Daisym on December 24, 2007, at 3:05:27
Sorry that I'm a little late to this, but I hope Santa did bring what you asked. You know, of course, that our wishes can take the whole year to come true, so be patient.
Daisy, your wishes can come true. Mine have. I had the most wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas with my family, and I'm so grateful for feeling better than I think I've ever felt. You will get there. Hope is hard to come by sometimes, but try to keep it in your heart. You have hope for others, I know, so try to save a little for yourself.
We love you, care for you and hope that you have a wonderful New Year. When I think about where I was just a couple of years ago--even a year ago--I feel so blessed that my life has come together in ways I never imagined. I even woke up feeling great today, no regrets or emotional hangovers from yesterday. I am hopeful about the New Year because I have plans and dreams (yikes! I even used that word!) that I hope will realistically come true.
So, remember, wishes for Santa aren't always immediate (except for one little boy at my house who is still feeling "awesome" after his Christmas), but they will come true. I have faith, and I do believe.
antigua
Posted by DAisym on December 26, 2007, at 18:39:53
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » Daisym, posted by antigua3 on December 26, 2007, at 9:53:37
I'm so happy that you are feeling so strong and so much better. It is good to hear. And I bet those dreams that you dare to dream do come true. It is especially great that you see how much things have changed and can embrace feeling good. You really deserve it, Antigua.
Santa didn't leave what I asked for exactly, but I did get some nice reminders that things have changed and not all in a bad way. And I'm almost half way through my therapist's vacation and still holding it together (mostly), so that is good too.
Happy New Year - I'm sure it will be.
Posted by muffled on December 29, 2007, at 19:02:53
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » muffled, posted by Daisym on December 26, 2007, at 0:42:01
> Don't look now but it seems like you are admitting more and more what happened to you and how it makes you feel. It seems to me that this is HUGE progress. I think you are a sensitive soul and I bet you help lots of children.
>
> Take care.*Ya you take care too.
Progress.
Makes my lower ribcage hurt and my throat feel funny.
My head spins some, cuz I have such opposition.
I can read what I wrote.
And I STILL very much vehemently deny....
Its so very odd.
I will help children.
I will help others.
I just goto get past my defenses.
Somehow.
I hope you can be OK Daisy.
M
Posted by zenhussy on December 29, 2007, at 21:10:23
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » Daisym, posted by muffled on December 29, 2007, at 19:02:53
>>>Progress.
Makes my lower ribcage hurt and my throat feel funny.
My head spins some, cuz I have such opposition.
I can read what I wrote.
And I STILL very much vehemently deny....<<<right there w/ you muffled. haven't been able to say much in while.
your words struck deeply here and hit true.
grateful for your willingness to express here as you do.
Posted by muffled on December 31, 2007, at 9:46:51
In reply to Re: Dear Santa (trigger) » muffled, posted by zenhussy on December 29, 2007, at 21:10:23
This is the end of the thread.
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