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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 15:33:03
For those of you who don't know, NUTMA is the acronym Honore came up with for a support group for those of us with whack-job mothers. Feel free to make suggestions for the long name....we never got that part settled.
Anyway, the point of my post... My mother dropped by a little while ago. She called saying she's been worried b/c she hasn't heard from me and wanted to drop by to see how I'm doing. wtf is up with that? She's NEVER done anything like that before. Ever.
I hate, hate, hate having her here; but, didn't know what to say to keep her away (that wouldn't alarm her....even saying I was taking a nap probably would) and so she came. Even though she talked mostly about herself, she still had me crying before she left. Just pushed me right on over the edge. To be fair, I was teetering before she got here. She just gave me a damn good shove.
I want to call my T right now. But, I see her tomorrow, so I won't. Plus, I hate the fact that I want to go running to her.
(And it's really OK to make NUTMA name suggestions on this thread. I think it would be funny.)
Posted by raisinb on May 21, 2007, at 15:51:24
In reply to Emergency NUTMA meeting, posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 15:33:03
Based on mine, here goes:
Narcissistic Unforgiving Therapy-necessitating Mother Association
Posted by Honore on May 21, 2007, at 16:31:42
In reply to Emergency NUTMA meeting, posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 15:33:03
Sorry your mother had to visit. But I assure you it wasn't to see how you were-- guess you figured that out for yourself, but I do need to remind you that even she doesn't believe that.
Or maybe she did talk herself into it, once it occurred to her.
But here' s my translation: she's jealous because she knows you went out of town to see some people you were looking forward to getting to know better-- and she's worried that you liked them too much-- and she wants to make sure that she's till No.1, and that you didn't have such a good time, and you're still miserable, which means you still need her and won't be able to make friends of your own, cause now that she's here-- she'll have you all to herself.
Um,, at least if my Mother showed up right after I'd been away for the weekend, that's why she'd be doing it.
But I don't want to speak for your Mother-- maybe you can do a better job-- just letting you know that NUTMA is alive and well on the East Coast, too.
And that I can imagine that whatever you Mother said, her real mission was to make sure you didn't have a really good time-- or at least, if you did, that you'd forget it and pay attention to her.
Whatever it was, though-- I'm really sorry she pushed you over the edge. I know this is a hard time-- and I wish I could make it better. You really are a good person-- try not to forget that.
(((Jammer)))
Honore
Posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 17:19:23
In reply to Re: Emergency NUTMA meeting » jammerlich, posted by Honore on May 21, 2007, at 16:31:42
She didn't even know I left town for the weekend!
But, I AM really interested in the idea that she didn't really come over to see how I'm doing. Now that you know she DIDN'T know about the trip, what do you think that reason might be?
Just off the top of my head, I think maybe she just wanted to see me, and she knows I'm usually evasive, so she did it in a way that tied my hands a little more. Or, she might have been trying to come up with a reason to avoid doing work. Or, maybe she did wonder how I've been, doesn't trust me when I tell her I'm fine, and wanted to see what my apartment is looking like as it might be an indication of my mental state. And if that's the case, thank goodness I just cleaned!
Posted by Happyflower on May 21, 2007, at 18:30:37
In reply to Emergency NUTMA meeting, posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 15:33:03
Hi Jammer,
uggh! I am glad my mom didn't stop by, I would totally freak out. I am glad you can really see what you are dealing with. It hurts, but you can protect yourself when you need to.
It was nice meeting you! You are a sweetie who has good taste in food! ;-)
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 21, 2007, at 19:41:40
In reply to Re: Emergency NUTMA meeting, posted by Happyflower on May 21, 2007, at 18:30:37
Not Unforgivable Though Manipulative And (fill in the blank with your own mother)
Jammer, this sounds very very hard. I'm sorry you were on the edge. I hope you can catch the rope we're throwing you.
My mom only has to CALL me to freak me out for hours and hours. She just called in the middle of this post. Good thing I took my daily klonopin about an hour ago. ((((anxiolytics))))
Thank you for your recent visit. I hope it wasn't too exhausting. I know that travelling can be very tiring, so please take some extra good care of yourself, okay? Even if it means calling for more support than you usually demand, even if it means that you may need some stronger interventions to get you through this rough patch (like medications, maybe?)
You deserve the best,
Can I join NUTMA?
my fill in the blank is guilt-ridden
-Ll
and for picking up tabs. that was such a wonderful thing. you are so generous. be generous to yourself too, okay?
Posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 21:53:29
In reply to Re: Emergency NUTMA meeting » Happyflower, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 21, 2007, at 19:41:40
Heck yes, you can join NUTMA!!! It's really a very easy process. You just have to say, "I'm a NUTMA member" with your foot behind your head, and you're in!!
The weekend was definitely NOT too tiring. Most importantly, it was great meeting you and everyone else; but, it was also a very good thing I had something to occupy ALL my time. Given the events of last week, it could have been a very bad weekend had I been home alone.
Thank you for being such a wonderful hostess, Dr. Noodle. I only hope it wasn't too terribly stressful for you.
Posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 21:58:54
In reply to Re: Emergency NUTMA meeting, posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 21:53:29
Posted by MidnightBlue on May 21, 2007, at 22:45:35
In reply to Emergency NUTMA meeting, posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 15:33:03
How does Nutty Moms sound? Not sure how to write the plural of Nutty Ma!
I had one too. She is getting up there in years now and even though she still can drive ME nuts I feel sorry for her.
MB
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 22, 2007, at 8:13:07
In reply to Re: Emergency NUTMA meeting, posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 21:53:29
Hi Jammer,
Hope that you are getting a little "space" between you and Mom, the NUTMA. Maybe you can use the recent visit as an excuse to avoid future visits."but mom, you JUST came to visit, as you saw, I am doing just fine on my own (lie through your teeth, if necessary)"
"Mom, sometimes adults just need to work things out on their own. You can't always protect me, you know."
stuff like that. Just a few lines to convey the sentiments that lie beneath your frustration over the need for emergency NUTMA meeting
Nurturing Unless The Mother's Unavailable
Necessary Until They Mature Alone
I suck at these acronyms
-Ll
Posted by Honore on May 22, 2007, at 9:54:25
In reply to Re: Emergency NUTMA meeting » Honore, posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 17:19:23
That's pretty funny-- that she didn't know. Well, again if my Mother is again an example, maybe she "sensed" that "something" was up-- and came over to see if she could ferret it out.
I stand on the principle that if there's one thing she didn't come over for, though, it's to find out how you were. My long experience with a Nutma Mother has taught me that no Nutma Mother ever does. There's always something.....
Guess we have to keep on trying to figure out-- but I'm glad your house was just cleaned!
Honore
Posted by B2chica on May 22, 2007, at 11:04:06
In reply to Emergency NUTMA meeting, posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 15:33:03
narcissistic, unavailable, tempermental, judgemental, obtuse, b#@c&
??
anyone?
boy, this feels good!
b2c.
Posted by jammerlich on May 22, 2007, at 19:31:46
In reply to how about NUTJOB? » jammerlich, posted by B2chica on May 22, 2007, at 11:04:06
That was a good one, b2!!!
Is it bad that it made me laugh??
Be sure to post again if you come up with something else!
Jammer
Posted by bil on May 23, 2007, at 7:21:48
In reply to Emergency NUTMA meeting, posted by jammerlich on May 21, 2007, at 15:33:03
Ok, how 'bout "ANNIE"?
I was thinking it could relate to 'Annie Get your Gun', because so many of us have mothers that push triggers BIG time. One way or another. :-)
Apologies to anyone who might really be called Annie, by the way.
BilA- Absentee
N- Nurturer
(with)
N- Neurosis
I- Inducing
E- Expectations
This is the end of the thread.
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