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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kerria on June 14, 2006, at 17:13:20
Hi everyone,
i know that i don't post a lot. So many times i read stuff that's so upsetting and feels like the door is closed to me here.everything is so hard for me. When DID comes up it's usually persons who have overcome and are having no problems now (i'm no where near that happening) or people comforting others saying that they don't have anything so bad as DID. i feel so isolated and alone irl also- there isn't the acceptance of my h- my family doesn't want to understand and are critical of my problems. The physical pain of a nerve disorder is so hard to live with also. i lost my T after six years- the only T who knows my parts and that i've had since dx with DID (Yes- i really have it). It's so hard to live because who i am keeps changing. My parts don't just come out once a week in t, i have to switch in order to work and have relationships. everything is a confusing mess all the time . i couldn't find another T so i returned to the one who i had that doesn't know how to help me very much and everything is a lose lose situation. i struggle without any friends to work a few hours a week - if i can get there- it's almost impossible to do anything successfully. Finances are a wreck and there's parts that do things that waste money besides.
i'm so disappointed and feel so left out of everything.Mostly whenever i post anywhere some always have a way of being critical and accusing- that i don't take responsibility and that i don't work hard enough to communicate with parts. They have no idea what it's like for me . i'm so hurt by support groups online. There's also a place that ends up barring me if certain parts write.- - she has no place to go without getting us thrown out- and i can't even help it.
No one understands that DID is Real- that there are parts- that some parts are doing well and some are having a very impossibly hard time - it's not all of me. i feel so cut off from everything- so misunderstood with no place to go for comfort and help.my disorder has isolated me from everyone - even myself.
i wish i could find understanding somewhere.
feeling so rejected by everyone,
kerria
Posted by Tamar on June 14, 2006, at 17:27:47
In reply to i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with me, posted by kerria on June 14, 2006, at 17:13:20
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It must be incredibly difficult and exhausting and frustrating. And I'm sorry that your therapist isn't able to help you as much as you want.
I don't really know what to say except I'm thinking of you and I hope things get better for you soon.
Tamar
Posted by Poet on June 14, 2006, at 19:33:13
In reply to i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with me, posted by kerria on June 14, 2006, at 17:13:20
Hi kerria,
I don't have DID, but I believe it is real. I can also see how hard it is for someone with DID to find others who can fully grasp what you're going through.
I know it's frustrating, but keep trying to find a T that has experience with DID. You deserve someone who knows how to help you. Remember you're always welcome on babble.
Poet
Posted by llrrrpp on June 14, 2006, at 20:31:53
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with me » kerria, posted by Poet on June 14, 2006, at 19:33:13
Hi Kerria,
I'm sorry you are feeling rejected. It must really hurt to feel that parts of you are welcome where others aren't. I hope you'll keep on posting. It sounds like you are struggling. Let us help you with your struggle. Even if I don't have DID, I know what it's like to feel isolated and different because of mental illness. I struggle too. And even if our disorders have different names, they also have things in common, like when loved ones don't take us seriously, when our treatment is not going smoothly, and the fight to maintain hope when things are supremely difficult. Please take care, you (and the rest of you too) are always welcome to share here.-ll
Posted by orchid on June 14, 2006, at 20:48:03
In reply to i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with me, posted by kerria on June 14, 2006, at 17:13:20
Hi Kerria,
I am sorry you feel so alone. I have actually felt very concerned for you quite a few times, just not now, but way back in the past when you were struggling to find a doctor to believe your pain. I remember you were in such intense pain and the doctors kept attributing it to nothing. I also remember your struggling with different parts.I just didn't reply that much to you - usually I reply to posters who go through transference, because that is one area I know personally, and don't find much to say to other types of issues.
However I do read your posts always and have felt very warm and caring towards you and I could understand the difficulty you were/are in. But I guess I should have said more. I am sorry about that.
Babble is a very nice and warm and caring place. IT is a great place to hang around, and one of the techniques to get back posts is to write lots of them. The more you write here, the more you become familiar and the more people will respond.
Whether it is DID or some other mental illness, it is always accepted here. And sometimes, when people say that one person doesn't have anything drastic, it is usually to comfort that person. IT is not to reject other persons who have that diagnosis.
> Hi everyone,
> i know that i don't post a lot. So many times i read stuff that's so upsetting and feels like the door is closed to me here.
>
> everything is so hard for me. When DID comes up it's usually persons who have overcome and are having no problems now (i'm no where near that happening) or people comforting others saying that they don't have anything so bad as DID. i feel so isolated and alone irl also- there isn't the acceptance of my h- my family doesn't want to understand and are critical of my problems. The physical pain of a nerve disorder is so hard to live with also. i lost my T after six years- the only T who knows my parts and that i've had since dx with DID (Yes- i really have it). It's so hard to live because who i am keeps changing. My parts don't just come out once a week in t, i have to switch in order to work and have relationships. everything is a confusing mess all the time . i couldn't find another T so i returned to the one who i had that doesn't know how to help me very much and everything is a lose lose situation. i struggle without any friends to work a few hours a week - if i can get there- it's almost impossible to do anything successfully. Finances are a wreck and there's parts that do things that waste money besides.
> i'm so disappointed and feel so left out of everything.
>
> Mostly whenever i post anywhere some always have a way of being critical and accusing- that i don't take responsibility and that i don't work hard enough to communicate with parts. They have no idea what it's like for me . i'm so hurt by support groups online. There's also a place that ends up barring me if certain parts write.- - she has no place to go without getting us thrown out- and i can't even help it.
> No one understands that DID is Real- that there are parts- that some parts are doing well and some are having a very impossibly hard time - it's not all of me. i feel so cut off from everything- so misunderstood with no place to go for comfort and help.
>
> my disorder has isolated me from everyone - even myself.
>
> i wish i could find understanding somewhere.
> feeling so rejected by everyone,
> kerria
Posted by littleone on June 14, 2006, at 21:43:36
In reply to i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with me, posted by kerria on June 14, 2006, at 17:13:20
Hi kerria,
I was thinking of you when I posted that post. I had been worried that it might upset you. I'm sorry if it did.
I too feel isolated a lot. My T wrote me a note a while back that really made me feel understood. I'll modify it a little to suit you:
"I feel very strongly that life has not been kind to you. I see you as a caring, compassionate and brave person trapped by the traumas you have suffered into a survival mode that cuts you off from yourself and the world."
It moved me so deeply when he wrote that to me. Like he understood how hard things are for me. I know you find life a lot more distressing than I do, but I still see you a lot in this comment. I hope it helps you to feel understood too.
This might sound really lame, but often I'll look to books to feel less isolated. For example, I really relate to a lot of things said in "Got Parts" so when I feel very alone I sometime re-read those sections to feel like I'm not so alone in the world. I thought you might relate a lot to sections in "Amongst Ourselves". Have you read that before? Does it comfort you at all when you can relate to what the author is writing about?
I know that a book is a pretty poor substitute for a real person. So if this is too lame you can just ignore it.
Also, I'm glad you could go back to your other T. I know it's not the ideal situation for you, but it is a small step towards settling your life down a little. If he's not the right T for you, then perhaps he could assist with support and stabilisation while you continue your search for another T.
Sending you warm thoughts.
Posted by B2chica on June 15, 2006, at 9:43:10
In reply to i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with me, posted by kerria on June 14, 2006, at 17:13:20
hi kerria.
so sorry you are struggling so much right now. i don't have DID but i very very much believe its real.
i was wondering if the dominant part of you would consider looking for a new therapist. one that can actively help you. it really doesn't sound like you are getting any help right now. you need someone who has worked with persons with DID before.
and if you need to switch in order to work and have relationships then don't feel bad about that. your body and mind created your 'alters' for a reason. each aspect of them has a function, a purpose and are there for you. remember this happened to help you get through the terror you were going through to begin with.and i hope you've never felt criticized or not believed here. there are a great group of people several of which currently or have in the past delt with DID first hand.
but know that you are all welcome to post...it may be helpful if you can let us know which one you are. but don't feel you have to.
and for all those insensitives that either don't 'belive' you or support you. you don't need that right now. so stay close to those that can offer you support.best wishes
b2c.
Posted by scentedgarden on June 15, 2006, at 14:45:53
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2006, at 9:43:10
SORRY TO SOUND STUPID , BUT WHAT IS DID? im not very up on these letters for things, and i would like to understand..so anyone what to share with me the meaning...much appreciated...and I hope you are able to feel loved and comforted even a little from the love that is on this board for you....i may not know the meaning of some names, but i know when there's a real care around and thats true here, people on this board cares about the people whoa re hurting...and that counts for something...doesn't it.I think so... Bye for now...lots of best wishes from scented garden.....ciao ciao xxx
Posted by B2chica on June 15, 2006, at 15:34:47
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with » B2chica, posted by scentedgarden on June 15, 2006, at 14:45:53
dissociative identity disorder. formerly known as multiple personality disorder.
sorry not much help. i know what it stands for but i don't know a whole lot about it. i know it has to do with dealing with (typically) childhood trauma so severe that you do some 'splitting' that helps you to survive those times, which is what many times those splits become separate alternate personalities, usually taking on the needs of the child such as a protector, a child, a wild one...etc.
this is just a very loose description, i hope i didn't put foot in mouth. there are others here Much more familiar with descriptions and definitions than i. but i wanted to give you an idea.
hopefully someone else chimes in.i agree with you about this board. i hope kerria comes to realize she is cared about here.
Posted by scentedgarden on June 16, 2006, at 5:45:30
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with » scentedgarden, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2006, at 15:34:47
Thank you ...for your help, and the description i think was just the kind i needed....it was easy to understand... actually i have a little bit of this thing going on in my personality.my therapsit says im separated .....when im in child mode im firmly in child mode and when im in grown up angr adult mode thats what im in and nothing else...but she says im changing from one to the other alot more now...dunno if thats good...i guess i need to talk about it all more with her...but she has so far not labled me with any condition, or disorder, as she thinks i dont neatly fit into any precise one....... so i dunno what do you think about that? Just out of interest, as you sound like a nice kind and helpful soul...B2chica....do you speak Spanish chica? ...bye for now and Tkae care everyone!!
Posted by kerria on June 17, 2006, at 0:32:36
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with me » kerria, posted by Tamar on June 14, 2006, at 17:27:47
Thank you Tamar.
i think it's so hard because i still don't accept it. It's too confusing to have separate parts.Thank you for being so kind and understanding,
kerria
Posted by kerria on June 17, 2006, at 0:46:06
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with me » kerria, posted by Poet on June 14, 2006, at 19:33:13
Thank you Poet, you aare a very understanding and kind person.
You're right- i really need a T who can help. i feel so lost since the breakup with the T i had. That was a bad relationship though- i need to find a T who can help me.Take care,
kerria
Posted by kerria on June 17, 2006, at 0:53:40
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with, posted by llrrrpp on June 14, 2006, at 20:31:53
Thank you ll. i'm sorry that you're struggling with feeling so alone also and for wanting to help.
Take care,
kerria
Posted by kerria on June 17, 2006, at 1:11:30
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with me » kerria, posted by orchid on June 14, 2006, at 20:48:03
Thank you, Orchid- for understanding and caring.
i should write more and get to know others better but even that becomes problematic for me. Later i won't understand or agree why a part wrote something - now i feel like a self-centered whimp. Everyone has loneliness and struggles here.
Thanks so much for reminding me of before, when it was worse for me- drs didn't think my pain was real and i didn't have treatment for it. At least i have a degree of pain relief now and also have hope that surgery can help me too. i'm not as bad off now in that way anyways.
Posted by kerria on June 17, 2006, at 1:44:49
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with me » kerria, posted by littleone on June 14, 2006, at 21:43:36
Thank you Littleone for your warm and caring thoughts and for everything you wrote.
i'm sorry that i thought that you didn't identify with me when you did.i'm sorry that you hurt and feel isolated also and how hard it is for you too sometimes.
Reading helps me too sometimes. A while ago i read" Amoungst Ourselves" . It's helpful in places but a little discouraging because i don't have the T who's so understanding and there all the time and the parts that become like a team who are happy to help each other. Maybe someday. It doesn't seem like my h will ever accept that
DID is reality for me and not something that i can control much of the time.
i haven't read, "Got Parts" yet.Thanks Littleone for encouraging me.
Take care,
kerria
Posted by kerria on June 17, 2006, at 2:07:39
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2006, at 9:43:10
Thank you b2c so much for writing. You're right- i do need to find a T who can help more. only then will i get to a more stable place. It's so hard now- there doesn't feel like any part is dominant. i think that adds to the 'stuck' feeling.
There is a lot of really good people here. i'm sorry that i wrote the post the way i did. Everyone has painful struggles. i think i'm the one that doesn't want to identify with me- that hurts the most- really.
Thank you so much B2chica.
Take care,
kerria
Posted by kerria on June 17, 2006, at 2:19:59
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with » B2chica, posted by scentedgarden on June 15, 2006, at 14:45:53
Thank you Scented Garden for your comforting words.
DID is a trauma disorder. It feels like everything keeps changing over and over and life feels all chopped up because there's separate parts instead of one person in the body.
i can have support sometimes but forget because another part is out.Thank you ScentedGarden, for writing.
Take care,
kerria
Posted by kerria on June 17, 2006, at 2:23:49
In reply to Re: i feel so alone- like no one wants to ID with » scentedgarden, posted by B2chica on June 15, 2006, at 15:34:47
Thank you (((((2bchica)))))safe hugs.
kerria
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