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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on May 23, 2006, at 10:04:45
My T is going on vacation! Is she kidding me? What timing.
I know I posted about what happened about 2 weeks ago earlier... she didnt call back when she said she would when I was having a very hard time. I felt completely abandoned and completely lost my trust in her. Then my session the next week went really really well and I left feeling pretty good about things and very cared about and "held" by her. I was able to be emotional in a way that I never have really done in therapy before, so it was a huge step for me. Verbalizing feelings is probably the biggest issue for me in therapy.
Yesterday was my next session since then. I went in and one of the first things she tells me is that shes going on vacation and wont be there next week. In the past, she knows I've had a hard time with her leaving, so thats why she said she told me at the beginning of the session. I had been excited to tell her how good I was feeling and several things I was proud of myself for, but I mostly didnt. I built my wall right back up as soon as she said that, and 3 times stronger than it was before.
I'm feeling quite depressed right now (and I had been feeling so good..) but also sort of numb. I cant get in touch with any of the feelings, even about this. It's just such horrible timing.. and I told her that. It seems like every time I open myself up here lately, it's being punished. First I ask for her help and call, and she doesnt call back. Now I open myself way up in session, and then she tells me she wont be there next time. I told her that if I'd known that last week, I wouldnt have opened up like I did. It's way too hard. Why would I trust her when this keeps happening? I'm in therapy because I'm not happy with the way I currently function and relate to people.. but I'm not sure that I'm unhappy ENOUGH with it to make all this worth it.
She offered me a session on Friday to make the 2-week gap not so long. I told her I had to think about it and I'm supposed to let he know tomorrow. She doesnt normally work on most Fridays, so I appreciate her offering.. but I dont know. The walls are back up with extra-strength reinforcements and I'm just not sure I want to talk anymore. Plus, I also know that she probably doesnt really WANT to come into work Friday.. and I dont want to make her just for me. Especially because I'm not in any crisis right now. What if I go in and have nothing to say and it's one of those useless sessions we all have sometimes? I know, she's willing to do it since she offered.. but I dont know.
I guess I'm just mad. I know shes allowed to go on vacation, but I just want to scream... doesnt she know how bad of timing this is for me? Everyone I've ever trusted has just run off when I really needed them, and I know that shes not leaving me, but it sure feels that way. I hate this.
Not sure what I'm looking for by posting this. Just needed to tell someone who would understand, I guess. I tried to a friend last night but he just didnt understand and I felt even more unheard after the talk. Thanks guys.
Posted by TherapyGirl on May 23, 2006, at 10:29:42
In reply to is she kidding? - vacation, posted by wishingstar on May 23, 2006, at 10:04:45
Wishingstar, sometimes I think we're twins separated at birth.
I have had this happen with me and my T so many times. Every word of your post is so familiar to me. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I wish she would give you more than a week's notice (I usually get at least a month's notice) -- or would that be worse for you?
I think you should take her up on her offer about Friday. If she wasn't willing to do it, she wouldn't have offered. And it will make it somewhat easier to get through next week.
(((((((((Wishingstar))))))))))))
Posted by B2chica on May 23, 2006, at 12:07:06
In reply to is she kidding? - vacation, posted by wishingstar on May 23, 2006, at 10:04:45
first don't worry about her coming in on friday, if she didn't want to she wouldn't have offered. that was her choice.
and i think that going would be of some help to you. if nothing else you can talk to her about her leave. about how you are feeling and maybe some things you can do while she is gone.this must seem awful for you. i know there were a few times when my T had to leave unexpectedly and i only had about a week notice (sometimes less) and i thought i would die. to be honest, i' m glad i didn't know about it sooner, i think i would have just worried about it more and got less accomplished. however, maybe that's something you can tell her and that if she has to be gone again that maybe telling you even further ahead will help you (if it would).
and i can certainly see how you would feel abandoned and closed up. that 'closed up' feeling is a protection method. and it's ok. because you are thinking what if i go into crisis when she's gone...there's no one there...where will you turn? Maybe ask her these questions. is there an on-call therapist you can call if you need to? will you be able to leave her messages? etc.
but if you feel that you need to 'close up' to protect yourself then i say do it. you need to be safe...especially when your T is gone. also find out when she will be back (not your next appt but the day she will be back in her office) maybe ask if you can call her then or if she would call you just to check in.
all i know is no matter what, you won't be alone. we are here 24/7.
not too many words of wisdom but i care and am sorry this is happening now.
b2c.
Posted by happyflower on May 23, 2006, at 17:15:18
In reply to Re: is she kidding? - vacation » wishingstar, posted by B2chica on May 23, 2006, at 12:07:06
(((((wishing star))))))
I hate it when our T's affect our therapy time. DO you know about Camp Comfort that we do on Babble? Maybe it is time to start it up again. Heck, my T might be on a permenate vacation from me. Maybe I could be an innkeeper of Camp Comfort.
Posted by Jost on May 24, 2006, at 19:02:55
In reply to Re: is she kidding? - vacation » wishingstar, posted by B2chica on May 23, 2006, at 12:07:06
Eh, go on in. It's awful (emotionally) that she's going away, and that she didn't come through for you with the phonecall, but she's trying to do give you something good. Let her do it, if you can.
Ask about anyone filling in, or whether she's checking messages, if that would help. Or maybe you and she can work on figuring out what will help--for this time, and/or over time?
Take care, Jost
Posted by wishingstar on May 28, 2006, at 23:19:14
In reply to is she kidding? - vacation, posted by wishingstar on May 23, 2006, at 10:04:45
Thanks for the responses you guys. I'm sorry for not responding individually (or even at all, until now). I just havent really had it in me to come out of my shell and communicate with people the last few days.
I did go to my appointment on Friday. It was okay.. not great, but not bad I guess.
Right now, I'm just feeling very alone and very hopeless. It'll pass. I'm struggling with urges to SI but havent so far. I hope tomorrow is better.
I hope no one thought I was ignoring them. I truly do appreciate your comments. Just one of those times.
Posted by wishingstar on May 28, 2006, at 23:23:36
In reply to Re: is she kidding? - vacation » wishingstar, posted by TherapyGirl on May 23, 2006, at 10:29:42
Hm I hope we're not twins.. I dont want you having to deal with my parents too! :)
I would have definitely appreciated earlier notice. She has gone on vacation before and I've had a hard time with it, so she normally tells me earlier.. but I think she held off because I was so upset with her about other things the week before. I would have really lost it if she'd told me that week. But still, not having any advance warning is hard.
I did go on Friday. We didnt talk about her leaving. I didnt say anything all that important.. mostly just what I call rehearsed stuff. Things that sound emotional if you dont know me well, but things I'm comfortable saying, if that makes sense. None of the real work.
Realized today that I only have 2 more sessions after she gets back before I'm gone for 2 months. I may be able to see her 2-3 times over those 2 months, but definitely not regularly. I cant stand this.
I sometimes think therapy is more pain than its worth.
Thanks for the hugs. I could really use some right now.
Posted by TherapyGirl on May 31, 2006, at 9:08:29
In reply to Re: is she kidding? - vacation » TherapyGirl, posted by wishingstar on May 28, 2006, at 23:23:36
Yeah, my parents aren't exactly angels either. Maybe we were born to wonderful people who inexplicably gave us up for adoption. :-)
I know exactly what you mean when you say you talked about rehearsed stuff on Friday. I do that, too, especially before my T goes away, so that I can make sure nothing extra horrible is going on in my mind while she's gone. My T goes on vacation (again) on June 10.
I'm so sorry this is so hard for you. And I'm sorry you will have such a long time without regular sessions this summer. Will there be anything you can distract yourself with?
(((((((((((((WishingStar)))))))))))))))))
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