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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on November 28, 2005, at 23:24:06
I'm caught in a vicious circle, where I can't seem to get anything done, and I "know" that if I did things I'd feel better. Instead, I get nothing done and then hate that I didn't. (Nearly wrote that I hated myself -- maybe I do, but I know it's not healthy to say it. Maybe if I don't say it, I will learn not to feel it?)
Which comes first, the depression, or the inability to get anything done? What can I do, since I can't seem to do anything else? All I want to do is climb under the covers, pull them over my head, and nap. Or, right now, cry?
(Keep in mind, fertility drugs -- they're part of teh emotional roller coaster.)
Anyway, I don't know if I need advice or comfort. Maybe mostly comfort -- as usual, whenever I think about how I "should" deal with this, I end up beating myself up even more: "For cryin' out loud -- you know that you'd feel better if you got your fat lazy @$$ off that chair and cleaned the bathroom/kitchen/went to the store/gym/whatever, and you still don't do it. No wonder you feel so miserable -- and you have no one but yourself to blame." You know the routine, right? I don't know which is worse -- the situation itself, or the self-recriminations.
Ugh.
Posted by muffled on November 28, 2005, at 23:48:12
In reply to I can't seem to do anything, posted by Racer on November 28, 2005, at 23:24:06
> I'm caught in a vicious circle, where I can't seem to get anything done, and I "know" that if I did things I'd feel better. Instead, I get nothing done and then hate that I didn't. (Nearly wrote that I hated myself -- maybe I do, but I know it's not healthy to say it. Maybe if I don't say it, I will learn not to feel it?)
***That'd be cool. Lemme know if it works.
>
> Which comes first, the depression, or the inability to get anything done? What can I do, since I can't seem to do anything else? All I want to do is climb under the covers, pull them over my head, and nap. Or, right now, cry?***Depression majorly sucks
>
> (Keep in mind, fertility drugs -- they're part of teh emotional roller coaster.)***whoa fert. drugs, heard they can be pretty wicked, least its temporary. Doesn't help much now tho does it?
>
> Anyway, I don't know if I need advice or comfort. Maybe mostly comfort -- as usual, whenever I think about how I "should" deal with this, I end up beating myself up even more: "For cryin' out loud -- you know that you'd feel better if you got your fat lazy @$$ off that chair and cleaned the bathroom/kitchen/went to the store/gym/whatever, and you still don't do it. No wonder you feel so miserable -- and you have no one but yourself to blame." You know the routine, right? I don't know which is worse -- the situation itself, or the self-recriminations.***Both, whole thing freaking sucks. But its curable. Its not forever. You not gonna die. Just feel like freaking sh*t awhile. The dirt and crud will wait for you. Leastaways mine does. My dirt and crud BREEDS when I leave it. Damn dirt and crud anyways. Sh*t.
I got a mouth like a freaking sewer this eve.>
> Ugh.***Seen your posts off and on Racer. Really hope things pick up a bit for you soon.
So I send you some comfort. From one who knows. IT F*CKING SUCKS. Give youself a break, g'head and crawl under the sheets for a coupla hours and tell the world to go to hell cuz you got some misery to attend to.
Seriously,
Please take care.
Not easy, but not forever.
Muffled.
Posted by one woman cine on November 29, 2005, at 6:52:16
In reply to I can't seem to do anything, posted by Racer on November 28, 2005, at 23:24:06
I hope you feel better soon.
I find that if I don't "fight" whatever emotion I'm dealing with, it'll just come, do it's thing; and then pass - I know this sounds counter-intuitive ; our deepest instinct is usually to defend against it. But maybe you are just going through an inactive period, it will pass.
Best wishes.
Posted by fallsfall on November 29, 2005, at 7:47:41
In reply to Re: I can't seem to do anything » Racer, posted by one woman cine on November 29, 2005, at 6:52:16
See my post below, I don't want to hijack your thread.
Posted by Dinah on November 29, 2005, at 9:49:03
In reply to I can't seem to do anything, posted by Racer on November 28, 2005, at 23:24:06
Hormones get me every time. Be forgiving to yourself.
I wish I knew the answer. I'm having the same problem myself. I finally got into the flow at work, but it's not the same as it is when I'm at my best even so. And I still feel really really depressed. I just manage to put it aside.
I think the depression probably comes first, then is exacerbated by the problems that come from inactivity.
Posted by NikkiT2 on November 29, 2005, at 11:32:30
In reply to I can't seem to do anything, posted by Racer on November 28, 2005, at 23:24:06
I am SO with you here..
if I could get off my *rse and get this flat sorted, I could move to a larger house, nearer work and be alot happier. (plus have rooms for people to come and stay which would also make me happy)
But for the life of me, I can't get myself moving and doing anything about it.
Which gets me even more depressed.
Chickens and eggs..
N xxx
Posted by Shortelise on November 29, 2005, at 11:42:50
In reply to I can't seem to do anything, posted by Racer on November 28, 2005, at 23:24:06
I'll just send sympathy - I know so well the cycle you describe! I do it **all the time**.
To me it feels like an interior war, one side trying to push me out of my chair,the other holding me there, neither stronger than the other, thus I am immobile. (I just had a vision of little elves...)
But, my dear Racer, I just have to tell you that reading your post made me reach for something I've needed to do for the past two weeks and have put off. I'm going to do it right now!!! Thanks for that.
(((Racer))) I hope you feel better. Soon. Really soon.
ShortE
Posted by Racer on November 30, 2005, at 14:00:20
In reply to I can't seem to do anything, posted by Racer on November 28, 2005, at 23:24:06
Thanks for the support, everyone. My dietician and I talked about this yesterday -- since I had been trying to get productive again the only way I knew how: no eating. She said that, even though my weight is within a healthy range now, this is probably still the refeeding syndrome. Since I've gone back and forth between restricting and eating, but not eating normal amounts on a normal schedule, my body is still not adjusted to non-starvation. Once it does adjust, she thinks I'll have energy again.
What really sucks about this, besides the fact that I can beat myself up with the best of them, and that it's all been going on so long, and all that -- what really sucks is that I don't "look" anorexic, so everyone seems to assume I'm doing fine, and that not getting anything done is because I'm lazy, self-indulgent, undisciplined, etc. All the things that, in the world view I've inherited from my family, are synonyms for "FAT."
At any rate, I'm supposed to work on a few things -- not beating myself up, making deals with myself to get something done each day, etc. Maybe it'll help.
This is the end of the thread.
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