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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on September 14, 2005, at 0:25:14
I have been determined to not fall apart about my therapist's vacation beginning this Friday. I know he needs one, in order to come back refreshed and ready to keep working. I'm pretty sure (75%) he will come back and keep working with me. This is a huge improvement from before.
I've admitted to him I don't want him to go. And I admitted upset and a tiny bit of anger. But I didn't want to bring it up this week. And I really didn't want to be sad and cry. I wanted to be mature about the whole thing, not need reassurance of any kind.
So what does he do? At the end of my session today he asked me if I wanted to hold on to his talisman, like before. I started to cry and I said I hadn't wanted to ask for it, I wanted to be OK with him going. He said it was OK for me to be sad and miss him and that lots of people liked to keep reminders around about people they miss. It keeps them connected. He also asked me if I would write to him if I started to really miss him, so he would know what I had been feeling while he was gone. And he promised to come back.
Tonight I'm really, really glad I have things to hold on to. But when do I stop needing props? Shouldn't I be able to hold him in my heart and just know that he'll be back and it will all be OK? Why can't I do this for myself? I want to be graceful and accepting about him being away and not have him see these tears.
I'm disappointed in myself that I couldn't do that.
Posted by orchid on September 14, 2005, at 1:33:45
In reply to Getting ready for vacation, posted by daisym on September 14, 2005, at 0:25:14
Hi Daisy,
I am sorry you are feeling bad.But you have been going through intense regressive therapy, and it is expected that you will react pretty intensely to your therapist being away, given the kind of attachment you have and which he permits you to have too.
So, don't force yourself to feel a more adult like response now. Since your therapist is extremely understanding, be a child if you want to be, whenever you need to be. It will help you ultimately overcome and grow.
I know it hurts, but hurting is perhaps a process of healing too.
Take Care.
- Orchid
Posted by fallsfall on September 14, 2005, at 6:35:45
In reply to Getting ready for vacation, posted by daisym on September 14, 2005, at 0:25:14
You have such high expectations of yourself.
Can you see how far you have come? You have allowed yourself to become vulnerable (for the first time in your life). And you ARE handling this better than in times past. Can you accept that you have made so much progress? There is still time in your life to get to where you think you "should" be. Accept where you are now.
You don't need to be "done". You are still in the journey.
What would you say if your 9th grader said "Mom, I'm going to be grown up some day, so I need to go out and get a fulltime career job today."? You would say "Be a kid a little longer, you will have time to be a grownup when the time is right".
So, Daisy, be dependent a little longer. You will have time to be selfsufficient when the time is right.
Posted by antigua on September 14, 2005, at 7:28:35
In reply to Getting ready for vacation, posted by daisym on September 14, 2005, at 0:25:14
Hang in there, and hold on tight to your props. Use anything that helps.
I agree with falls. You have come so very far in this past year; it's obvious to us from the outside.
I hate vacations. My T and I just got back from a 3 week absence (half hers, half mine) and I was mad as could be at the length. The holding on of everything until they get back is what's hard for me (hey, think I'll ever learn to let go??)
So take it easy. I think Camp Comfort is still open and it must be beautiful this time of the year.
best,
antigua
Posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 18:29:52
In reply to Re: Getting ready for vacation, posted by fallsfall on September 14, 2005, at 6:35:45
I agree with falls.
It sounds to me as if you've made huge progress. And I think you deserve to give yourself a break. And also you deserve to accept the comfort that keeping his talisman would give you.
After everything that's been going on for you recently, it's not surprising that you don't want to let him go. But a 75% belief that he'll come back sounds like pretty good odds. And he has promised to return.
(((((Daisy)))))
You have nothing to prove. Just be who you need to be.
Tamar
Posted by jammerlich on September 14, 2005, at 18:57:03
In reply to Getting ready for vacation, posted by daisym on September 14, 2005, at 0:25:14
>>>>>Tonight I'm really, really glad I have things to hold on to. But when do I stop needing props?
I think it's ok if it takes as long as 18 years (she grins), give or take a couple. Of course I'm not saying that it WILL take that long, but I don't see any reason to be ashamed of it. (Now could someone please repeat that to ME?) If you think about what some of us missed growing up, and how long we feel it takes a child to really mature, some of these things can take a long time, can't they? And I think as adults we may be in a worse position because all the "shoulds" of adulthood are flying at us. For kids who have the proper kind of upbringing, I imagine that it's just ok for them to be little. But as an adult, sometimes (ok, a LOT of the time) that just doesn't feel right. But surely in therapy, it HAS to be an okay thing. (Again, please repeat to me.)
Daisy, I think what ever you need is okay, for however long you need it. And I think your therapist must believe the same thing, or he wouldn't have offered. Remember, he asked you first and I don't think they are in the business of encouraging things that are bad for us.
Posted by Daisym on September 14, 2005, at 19:24:39
In reply to Re: Getting ready for vacation » daisym, posted by jammerlich on September 14, 2005, at 18:57:03
Thanks everyone, as always. It is very hard to just let myself have this kind of comfort. I told him that today and also told him there was relief that he didn't expect me to be OK with him leaving. He said the relief makes sense and so do the tears. I did make him laugh when he asked if I had plans while he is away. I'm going skydiving on Friday with my son. This was not the answer he expected. He said this might be the turning point in my therapy, although if 15 minutes of falling makes a huge change he is out of business. :)
At the end I said I would try not to cry tomorrow and he told me I didn't have to take care of him and I didn't have to be perfect and together to guarantee he would come back. I just had to be myself. (Does that mean he doesn't think I'm perfect!?)
I'm going to miss him a lot.
Posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 20:34:52
In reply to Re: Getting ready (for all), posted by Daisym on September 14, 2005, at 19:24:39
> Thanks everyone, as always. It is very hard to just let myself have this kind of comfort. I told him that today and also told him there was relief that he didn't expect me to be OK with him leaving. He said the relief makes sense and so do the tears. I did make him laugh when he asked if I had plans while he is away. I'm going skydiving on Friday with my son. This was not the answer he expected. He said this might be the turning point in my therapy, although if 15 minutes of falling makes a huge change he is out of business. :)
Skydiving! Wow! Well, that might be quite a distraction, at least for the 15 minutes you’ll be falling through the air!
> At the end I said I would try not to cry tomorrow and he told me I didn't have to take care of him and I didn't have to be perfect and together to guarantee he would come back. I just had to be myself. (Does that mean he doesn't think I'm perfect!?)
Maybe he prefers people with a few imperfections! I know I do.
> I'm going to miss him a lot.
How long will he be on vacation? (Sorry if you’ve already said; my memory’s like a sieve).
Do keep posting. We’ll all be here for you while he’s away (and always).
Tamar
Posted by happyflower on September 17, 2005, at 22:45:24
In reply to Re: Getting ready (for all) » Daisym, posted by Tamar on September 14, 2005, at 20:34:52
Hi Daisy Girl!
We will help you get through the vacation! It must be a hard time letting go of your son and your T all at the same time. I know I will be sad but happy to see my kids going off to college some day. I think your T is great, he seem to know you so well inside and out. What a guy! How long have you been working with him, I forget?
I can't believe you sky dive! I bet it is exhilerating! I just don't know if I could ever do it, I am scared of heights. So what goes through your mind when you do this. I know what would be going through my underware if I did it!LOL sorry to be so gross! LOL I think it is amazing that you can be so brave!
You know maybe this break from your T will be a good thing. YOu have been working so hard on so many hard things, maybe it will help you take a break and your T too. I think you are doing great work, I am amazed at your T and his skills. He seems so honest and not afraid to take on hard subjects. I think you are probably making him a better T that he was.
You have a lot of guts, in therapy and sky diving. You can be one tough cookie! One day when the veil of unhapppiness lifts, you are going to be a inspiration to everyone you touch. I can see the potential. Have a great night!
This is the end of the thread.
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