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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 20:39:06
Did you ever meet your ex T or see a picture of him? This is the T who you did internet therapy with right? Or am I just confused as always, lol.
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 20:43:00
In reply to Question for Pinkeye! :), posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 20:39:06
I first did face to face therapy with him, before I switched to mostly online because he was in India and I was in the US. I met him when I went to India for vacation.
I haven't seen him for more than a year and a half - but I have met him. In fact I have seen picture of everyone in his family - his mohter, father, wife. And I know about his family, their occupation, where they live etc etc. And he has met my father, mother, husband also.
Posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 20:55:38
In reply to Re: Question for Pinkeye! :) » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 20:43:00
Thank for answering Pinkeye, I was wondering how he became your T. I wondered how email therapy worked. So how ofter did you write in a week, or was there no set schedule?
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 20:55:52
In reply to Question for Pinkeye! :), posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 20:39:06
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 20:58:12
In reply to Re: Question for Pinkeye! :), posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 20:55:38
No set schedule.. I usually wrote couple of times a month - sometimes once a week, sometimes several times a week. He usually responded maybe once in couple months - sometimes more frequently, sometimes not for 3 months. but for the past one or one and a half years, he had really not been doing therapy as such - I wrote all the problems, but I think he was mostly giving only mild support.. we never really did in depth kind of threapy via email.
Posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 21:02:53
In reply to Why did you ask?? (nm) » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 20:55:52
I guess I am just nosey! lol So how long did you do face to face therapy? You don't have to answer if if makes you uncomfortable. I am only curious about how it is done.
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 21:06:48
In reply to Re: Why did you ask??, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 21:02:53
Mine was totally off the regular work. I had initially gone for a vacation to India, and ended up having a huge fight with my husband. And I was very depressed. So my father took me to this psychiatrist who was in a nearby town. So I saw him for about 4 weeks - once or twice a week, and then I had to come back to the US. Since our therapy was not really done ( I had seen him only for maybe 5 times but 2 - 3 hours each session), then I continued to write to him. Initially he also wrote back but then slowly didn't write back that frequently.
Then I went again to india for a vacation one and half years later and met him again to continue some therapy for about 5-6 sessions. Then had to come back after 5 weeks to US again. ANd continued writing. Then he left practicing after an year, and moved to a different city. So I haven't seen him for a long time now - maybe a year and a half.
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 21:18:53
In reply to Re: Why did you ask??, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 21:02:53
It is my turn to ask you a question - So how did you move on from your mother's abuse? Can you teach me how to move on? I have always been very bad in making peace and moving on. How do you move on when you break up?
Posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 21:46:41
In reply to Re: Why did you ask?? » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 21:18:53
> It is my turn to ask you a question
It's okay, ask me anyting! :)- So how did you move on from your mother's abuse?
Well I physically moved on when my mom put a gun to my brothers head 2 days after my dad died ( xmas day) . Learning this and that my brother seizure problem was due to severe child abuse to the head. I suspect there may have been SA with him too. Learning all of this one day when I took my brother to a nurosergeon, and he totally broke down when the doctor told him that his brain damage was due to child abuse or a very bad car accident, and not a doctors mistake when he was born which is what me and the whole family was told by my mom.
Well this triggered me big time, brought back all kind of memories. I was scared for my safty and my families safety, this was about 5 years ago. I never had a close relationship with either parent, ever. Even growing up , I wasn't loved, or cared about. So there was no bond to break.
Now emotionally, it is somedays really hard, but EMDR has helped me so much to put it behind me. I don't have those flashbacks anymore. Do you remember a couple of months ago about my story of her threatening me as a security guard at the mall? I was scared of her abducting my kids. Well this is what started the PTSD, and brought me to therapy in Jan.Can you teach me how to move on? I have always been very bad in making peace and moving on. How do you move on when you break up?
I think it works differently for all people. I just said enough was enough. I did it for my kids, and my husband. I had to put it behind me for my own sanity, and for me to be a good mom and wife. I think in your case, you have an emotional attachment to your ex T, I didn't have an attachtment at all to my mom. She was never a mom like most people know it. She was cruel with her emotional abuse, physical abuse, and of cource neglect. I was never loved by her, my dad told me he loved me 2 times in my life. It is a long story, and I don't know how much you want to know. I am open to all of it, I am comfortable talking about it.
All through my life growing up I knew there was something not right with my family. Lucky I had some wonderful teachers and friends parents who supported me. They didn't know of the abuse though. I read a lot of books on morals and how to be a parent. I watched Cosby Show, and other moral tv. shows. I was scared that I would repeat the cycle. But the good thing is that I did stop it. For once in my life I know what it is to be a part of a loving family.
I don't know how to teach you to move on. I guess one day, you will just get sick of your sad feelings, and just say enough is enough. You will say I deserve better than what was given to me. I want better for myself . I wish I could help you more. I guess I anwered more than you asked. lol I am a chatter box lately! lol
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 21:57:30
In reply to moving on, could trigger, physical , SA, emotional » pinkeye, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 21:46:41
thanks for telling me that. I think it must have been awful for you growing up.
If you wish to share more of it, I am always here. If that would help you.I guess it is kind of in a way easier to move on when the other person is a jerk. But actually I wouldn't want my ex T to be a jerk just so I can move on or even to think of him as a jerk. I know he is not, and he did care a great deal about me. And I really don't want to think of him like a jerk.. it would really destroy any confidence I have in men. I somehow want to really feel good about him as well as move on !!. Actually for me, feeling good about a person is much easier to move on. There was a guy I liked a lot for a long long time - for many years.. And all the time I didn't tell him that I liked him becuase he was married. After 7 years, after I got married myself, I finally sent him an email one day and told him that I had really liked him long while back. And he replied with such affection and understanding, and after that only I really moved on from him. He told me I meant a great deal to him too - that he really liked me and I was quite special, but he was in love with him wife at the time I met him. And I really didn't mind about that after that. Till that time I really found it impossible to get him out of my mind.. but once he told me he had liked me a lot, boom - it was over for me. and I finally made my peace. I guess it works differently for different people
Posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 22:10:37
In reply to Re: moving on, could trigger, physical , SA, emotional » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 21:57:30
Pinkeye,
Have you ever had a teacher during school that you really liked and had to move on at the end of the year?
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 22:17:36
In reply to Re: moving on, » pinkeye, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 22:10:37
Yes I did - when I was in eighth grade, I was so crazy about a lady teacher.. I would get upset if she doesn't come, I would be watching for her all the time, etc etc. I was absolutely crazy about her. But I don't remember exactly what I felt when I had to move on after the year. She taught me for 2 - 3 years in different subjects. But then I think I was still continuing in the same school, so even if I went to another class, I was going to see her everyday and I could talk to her. So I think it really didn't mean like moving on.
But other than that, I have never been crazy about a lady ever.. I was crazy about a guy in my college, and I had a hard time moving away from him - but all along I knew he was really a jerk. He was a flirt and a big playboy, and I knew deep down I really didn't respect him. But I did find it very hard to leave him when we finished college (we didn't even really go out or anything - I just used to have a huge crush on him), it was very hard - actually it took me couple of years to even move away from him. But one day I just realized he was totally not worht it and then boom - it all vanished for me.
Posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 22:29:01
In reply to Re: moving on, » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 22:17:36
> Yes I did - when I was in eighth grade, I was so crazy about a lady teacher.. I would get upset if she doesn't come, I would be watching for her all the time, etc etc. I was absolutely crazy about her. But I don't remember exactly what I felt when I had to move on after the year. She taught me for 2 - 3 years in different subjects. But then I think I was still continuing in the same school, so even if I went to another class, I was going to see her everyday and I could talk to her. So I think it really didn't mean like moving on.
>But you have moved on, and sucessfully, because you don't think about missing her everyday!
> I just used to have a huge crush on him), it was very hard - actually it took me couple of years to even move away from him. But one day I just realized he was totally not worht it and then boom - it all vanished for me.Well, this is what might happen to you about your T. Time heals things like this. One day you will realize you forgot about thinking about him. Maybe sending that email has helped. You seem to be doing really good today! :)
Posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 22:31:05
In reply to Re: moving on,, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 22:29:01
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 22:36:59
In reply to Re: moving on,, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 22:29:01
> Well, this is what might happen to you about your T. Time heals things like this. One day you will realize you forgot about thinking about him. Maybe sending that email has helped. You seem to be doing really good today! :)
thanks. Maybe I should really just leave it to time..the question is how long though. And hopefully that email helped as well.
Thanks HF
Posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 22:41:34
In reply to Re: moving on, » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 22:36:59
You know I heard once that when you get a divorse, the partner that was left, usually needs to grieve as long as the marriage was for to get over being left. You are on your way, pinkeye, time will heal.
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 23:02:31
In reply to Re: moving on, » pinkeye, posted by happyflower on June 26, 2005, at 22:41:34
thanks. I definitely hope it will not take that long for me !! :-)
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