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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 22:41:07
In reply to Newsflash! I'm not normal, posted by fallsfall on June 20, 2005, at 20:48:38
That's not normal?
I dunno, Falls. I think you're asking the wrong group of people.
I fall face forward into a forgetting sleep when I'm anxious. Or upset.
I can't do my work on my best days.
It just doesn't sound all that abnormal to me. It sounds like basic human nature.
Now... My husband would haul himself up and do whatever needs doing despite his anxiety. Then he'd yell at me or my son, or scare the dogs.
So I guess there are people who go on with doing what needs to be done regardless of their feelings. Yank themselves up by the bootstraps, yada, yada.
But they've got their own ways of letting that anxiety out.
There are worse ways of coping than distraction, Falls. Maybe there are better ways too, like getting all involved in work. But there are also worse ways, like yelling at your family.
But as gg said, maybe the significant thing was your anxiety and why you were anxious. Rather than how you coped with that anxiety.
Posted by daisym on June 20, 2005, at 23:53:36
In reply to Re: Newsflash! I'm not normal » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 22:41:07
I think we all wonder if our coping mechanisms are "normal" -- I think society likes some things (baking, cleaning, working) and not others. As a society we are quick to label things good or bad based on their perceived productive value. I think therapists fall into this too, sometimes.
There might be a bunch of reasons why he was pushing you. I guess next time you say, "I was anxious this weekend" and leave it at that. It makes me think of what my son's therapist says all the time to me: "the goal isn't that he doesn't experience anxiety, it is that he copes with it and it doesn't keep him from living his life."
I hope you write all this down so it doesn't get lost by Thursday. Until then, cool the anger with ice cream.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
Posted by All Done on June 21, 2005, at 1:06:43
In reply to Newsflash! I'm not normal, posted by fallsfall on June 20, 2005, at 20:48:38
(((((Falls))))),
What is normal? Sounds like your T must have his own set of coping mechanisms and the ones you employed this weekend didn't fall into his definition of "normal". That's *his* stuff.
I constantly need alone time where I don't do anything productive other than clearing my mind for a while (which I would argue can be very productive). My T understands my need for this time. He's never indicated to me that this isn't "normal". I also have friends who aren't dealing with mental health issues and they do the same.
I'm a little surprised that your T is labeling any behavior of yours as normal or abnormal. That must feel pretty lousy for you. I think it's important that you talk to him about it even if by Thursday you aren't feeling angry.
I hope you can get through this quickly so you can get to the bottom of your anxiety.
Take care of yourself and until Thursday do what you know works - lots of ice cream, games, and TV.
Big hugs,
Laurie
Posted by Jazzed on June 21, 2005, at 2:23:48
In reply to Newsflash! I'm not normal, posted by fallsfall on June 20, 2005, at 20:48:38
I spend hours everyday on the computer. But, I think these days it is normal, sure beats the heck out of drinking, or smoking pot or something. If it made you feel better then what's the problem. Are you going to bring up to him how he made you feel? Seems pretty crappy to me.
Jazzy (((((hugs())))))
Posted by happyflower on June 21, 2005, at 2:25:30
In reply to Re: You are normal, falls » fallsfall, posted by All Done on June 21, 2005, at 1:06:43
I think I like to zone out epecially after my session with my T. I either like to sleep or play solatair on my pc while listening to love songs on the pc radio. I drive my family nuts with this because I am in totally zoned out.
I remember as a kid when I played video games it worked to zone me out but eventally when I got tired, I would become frustrated with them. Do what you need to do, as long as it isn't drinking too much or doing drugs. :)
Posted by Jazzed on June 21, 2005, at 7:16:33
In reply to Re: You are normal, falls, posted by happyflower on June 21, 2005, at 2:25:30
> I think I like to zone out epecially after my session with my T.
Do you get caught up thinking about your T for hours and hours on end? Are ya in "that" zone?
I've been thinking a lot, and realizing I gave some real knee jerk reactions at my last session, have to not do that, they weren't really accurate.Jazzy
Posted by happyflower on June 21, 2005, at 8:36:29
In reply to Re: You are normal, falls » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 21, 2005, at 7:16:33
> > I think I like to zone out epecially after my session with my T.
>
> Do you get caught up thinking about your T for hours and hours on end? Are ya in "that" zone?
> I've been thinking a lot, and realizing I gave some real knee jerk reactions at my last session, have to not do that, they weren't really accurate.
>
>>
> I do think about him but not that much, at least not now. When I talk about being in the zone, I try not to think of anything, basically go blank.
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 14:50:32
In reply to Re: Newsflash! I'm not normal » fallsfall, posted by Poet on June 20, 2005, at 21:32:03
I love the ice cream cone!!!
He complains because it is another instance of me "dropping out". Sort of like the depression in general is an instance of me dropping out of life.
I told him I saw the behavior as not productive - but not counterproductive either.
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 14:58:00
In reply to Re: Newsflash! I'm not normal » fallsfall, posted by gardenergirl on June 20, 2005, at 21:35:13
We did talk about the anxiety. And he agreed that I had cause to be anxious. And that there wasn't much I could to affect that cause. And he wouldn't give me any *better* coping techniques - he just didn't like mine. Or, to be fair, he was pointing out what mine was, and pointing out that other people handle it differently (see, I'm getting angry again!!!)
I hate the dentist, too. And they should figure out when we are saying "I'm doing better but not perfectly" that the response should be "I can see you are doing better."
Thanks, GG.
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 15:01:47
In reply to Re: Newsflash! I'm not normal, posted by LadyBug on June 20, 2005, at 22:16:36
I'll reread this thread before I go in the next time so I can remember the anger. I think it is important to let our therapists know our reactions to things they say.
Sure people play on the computer. I do that all the time. But this was 6 continuous hours of a single game - no breaks. I agree it was excessive. But it got me through the day...
Thanks for your support!
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 15:06:01
In reply to Re: Newsflash! I'm not normal » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2005, at 22:41:07
Right. And I told him that it DID help me to get back into life. That kind of distraction does allow me to feel better (by Monday I was doing much better). I think he sees it as yet another instance of me choosing to bail rather than face something - escapism.
We did talk about the anxiety - it sounded reasonable to him that I would be anxious. He just wanted me to handle it differently.
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 15:09:08
In reply to Re: Newsflash! I'm not normal, posted by daisym on June 20, 2005, at 23:53:36
Glossing over it doesn't seem like the right approach for me. I wouldn't have brought it up if I didn't want some help on it. Somehow, though, being told that I'm "not normal" wasn't what I would include under the definition of "help". And my therapist would say that the anxiety DID keep me from living my life. Sigh.
I've been eating a lot of ice cream recently... But I think I'll eat some more.
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 15:12:19
In reply to Re: You are normal, falls » fallsfall, posted by All Done on June 21, 2005, at 1:06:43
It felt like he was being judgemental - and he's usually SO good at NOT being judgemental. It felt like he was being critical (which I know is a tranference area for me - and I know that I need to tell him that it felt critical, *because* it is a transference area for me.).
Tell the ICK that I'm going for Mint Chocolate Chip this afternoon... And give him a hug for me.
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 15:16:59
In reply to Re: Newsflash! I'm not normal » fallsfall, posted by Jazzed on June 21, 2005, at 2:23:48
Thanks, Jazzy.
I spend hours every day on the computer. But I tend to do a variety of things: Read/post on Babble, games, read the news, research things here and there, chat with my kids, email etc. The issue with Saturday was that it was 6 continuous hours of the same one game (I was hungry and I didn't get up to eat).
But you are right, there are much worse things that I could be doing!
I do need to talk to him about feeling criticized and angry. Last time I got angry at him, he was pleased...
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 15:18:18
In reply to Re: You are normal, falls, posted by happyflower on June 21, 2005, at 2:25:30
Thanks, Happyflower.
I don't drink and I don't do drugs. Maybe I'll mention that to him the next time.
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 15:27:16
In reply to Re: You are normal, falls » Jazzed, posted by happyflower on June 21, 2005, at 8:36:29
I hate it that I can't just let things be without confessing all. I didn't tell my therapist, but I HAVE to tell you guys... And I suppose I'll have to tell him on Thursday. Why do I need to confess this? Because you guys are all supporting me and saying I am OK, but I know that I'm not? I did a little (very little) SI, too. But it is more than I've done in kind of a long time. So maybe I'm thinking that playing that computer game for 6 hours was better than some other things I could have been doing. (GG, this is what you were trying to get at, I think, when you were talking about the dentist?)
So now we can add "shame" to the "anxiety" (though, the anxiety is a bit better now). But, boy, would I rather have public shame that be holding all the shame as a secret myself - so here it is world! Notice my shamefulness!
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 18:27:15
In reply to Confession (trigger), posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 15:27:16
Well....
If I consider your actions shameful I'd have to consider my own that way as well.
And I don't, really.
I think we all do what we need to do to get through life as well as we can. As we learn healthier coping mechanisms we can let go of the unhealthier ones. And you're doing that!
Show yourself the same understanding and compassion you'd show others. :)
Posted by Aphrodite on June 21, 2005, at 19:22:28
In reply to Confession (trigger), posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 15:27:16
First of all, I'm so sorry that you've had that urge even if it is "little" as you say. The pain behind it isn't little.
I was confused about the timeline. Are you saying this is new or that you did it in response to your difficult session? If it's the latter, you definitely need to tell him right away because he needs to learn to be sensitive to that. Actually, I think you need to tell him as soon as possible either way. Shame and anxiety are both powerfully destructive forces and together they can interact in a very malignant way that can hurt you and prevent you from reaching out.
I'm sorry this is such a rough time for you. I say play computer games until the cows come home if it stops you from self-destruction. I'm glad you've done a practice run here. I hope it emboldens you.
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 20:51:12
In reply to Re: Confession (trigger) » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 18:27:15
Yes, I am learning healthier ones. Thanks, Dinah.
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 20:53:44
In reply to Re: Confession (trigger) » fallsfall, posted by Aphrodite on June 21, 2005, at 19:22:28
The SI was over the weekend in response to the anxiety - not in response to the session. I just neglected to tell him about it in the session...
I will talk to him about it all on Thursday.
Thanks for your concern.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 22, 2005, at 7:13:36
In reply to Re: Confession (trigger) » Aphrodite, posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 20:53:44
Ahhh, no wonder ways of coping with anxiety came up. It sounds like you were "sitting on" one way that maybe you weren't ready to tell him. Were you trying to ease into it with talking about the computer stuff? I would imagine this would be a hard thing to tell a T, especially after a period of doing well.
(((((falls)))))))
I'm so glad you are thinking and talking about this. That's really positive.
Take care,
gg
Posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2005, at 10:59:43
In reply to Re: Confession (trigger) » fallsfall, posted by gardenergirl on June 22, 2005, at 7:13:36
See? This is why I like to talk about these things on Babble. You get so many different perspectives.
I thought (and still think, I think) that losing 6 hours to a computer game was worse than causing a small scab. So I *WAS* telling him about the "bad" stuff (as far as I knew).
But when I told you guys about the computer stuff and you just accepted it and said it was OK, I needed to tell you that it *wasn't* OK - that there was more to it than that. That I wasn't giving you all the details (I wasn't just "playing a lot of computer games"). And I guess I wanted you all to know that I really, really was anxious. I didn't want you to tell me that what I did was OK - because it didn't feel OK to me.
But at the same time, I didn't want my therapist to tell me that it *wasn't* OK - not because I thought it was OK, but because I already knew it wasn't OK. I wanted him to tell me what to *do* about the fact that it wasn't OK.
And I wore long pants to my therapy session(which cover the scab). I always wear shorts - but I had been to Jury selection that morning and we aren't allowed to wear shorts. I decided not to change because I wanted my therapist to see me "dressed" for jury duty - jeans with a nicer shirt (and a bra!). It did flash through my mind that he wouldn't see the scab. I can dressup for the real world, but look what I'm hiding underneath...
Thank you all for helping me think this through.
Posted by Daisym on June 23, 2005, at 18:26:30
In reply to Re: Confession (trigger) » gardenergirl, posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2005, at 10:59:43
Seriously? Truely? You go to therapy with no bra?!!
Here I was playing around with the idea of not wearing a slip because sometimes the office is really hot -- that would be a half slip, under a long, lined skirt but I'd keep the pantyhose and bra and undershirt...
You are my hero. You are so brave. :)
Posted by fallsfall on June 23, 2005, at 20:06:44
In reply to NO BRA?! » fallsfall, posted by Daisym on June 23, 2005, at 18:26:30
If the skirt is lined, you don't ever need a slip.
I even read that part of the post to him today!!!
Posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2005, at 14:24:02
In reply to Re: NO BRA?!, posted by fallsfall on June 23, 2005, at 20:06:44
Oh lordy! I so wish I could feel comfy not wearing a bra. It's the very first thing I take off after my shoes when I get home. I used to feel too self-conscious to even go bra-less in my backyard when watering plants or letting the dog out. Now I do it, but if my neighbor comes out to chat, I kind of cross my arms over my chest.
But to my T??? Or even out in public????
Now I don't wear slips or hose anymore. Well, sometimes hose when I need to suck everything in.
Sigh, I'm so jealous of your freedom.
gg
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