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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 16:16:15
I feel silly that my first post here is about something so relatively insignificant. I've been reading here for almost a year now and feel like I know you all so well, so it seems weird to post knowing that I am a stranger to virtually everyone. I have been in Open a couple of times as "hatemeifuknewme." But for some reason I can't get in anymore. Anyway, I digress, so on the the point.....
I need, need, need to send a letter to my former therapist and, silly as it may seem, I'm in a quandry over whether to send it typed or handwritten. On the one hand, it is personal and I want it to *feel* personal, so I'd like to write it out. But I'm also concerned about the possibility that she won't read it and will just toss it in my file instead. And let's face it, a typed letter will appear much shorter and she might be more likely to read something that seems shorter. What do you all think?
This is so dumb that I've had to sit a bit to decide whether or not to post it. I can't believe I'm worried about something this stupid. Probably because it keeps me from worrying about how gut-wrenching it will be to write, how nerve-wracking it will be to wait after I send it, and how potentially painful it will be to get the response that I do not want but most certainly expect - or worse yet, to get no response at all.
Posted by annierose on June 21, 2005, at 16:43:06
In reply to Writing Letter to Therapist, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 16:16:15
Without a doubt, I would hand write the letter. Of course she will read it (no matter what). A handwritten letter is much more personal.
Welcome to posting on Babble!
Posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 16:54:13
In reply to Writing Letter to Therapist, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 16:16:15
Hey, welcome to the board. I remember meeting you in Open. (I like your posting name better than your Open name, by the way!)
Obsessive person that I am, I would do it both ways and see which one "looks" better to you. Which one "feels" more like what you are trying to say.
How long ago was your termination? What was said about staying in touch? Do you expect her to respond? Are you prepared if she doesn't? Will you ask her to respond in the letter?
This sounds like a brave thing to be doing. Let us know what you decide.
Posted by Shortelise on June 21, 2005, at 17:17:48
In reply to Writing Letter to Therapist, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 16:16:15
I had this same quandry just last week ... though it was a letter to my current T. I sent it typed because I wanted to get it sent and I didn't have the patience to write it out. And my handwriting is challenging.
It **is** more personal when it's hadnwritten, I guess, but given the sort of stuff I wrote, I could have recorded it with a computer voice and sent it and it would have been personal. It's by its nature extrememly personal.
ShortE
Posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 18:33:37
In reply to Writing Letter to Therapist, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 16:16:15
Hello jammerlich,
> I feel silly that my first post here is about something so relatively insignificant.
I think it's actually quite significant. Naturally you want to be heard and understood by your former therapist!
> I need, need, need to send a letter to my former therapist and, silly as it may seem, I'm in a quandry over whether to send it typed or handwritten. On the one hand, it is personal and I want it to *feel* personal, so I'd like to write it out. But I'm also concerned about the possibility that she won't read it and will just toss it in my file instead. And let's face it, a typed letter will appear much shorter and she might be more likely to read something that seems shorter. What do you all think?
I would send it handwritten because it's more personal. I agree with annierose: I think she'll read it whether or not it's typed.
> This is so dumb that I've had to sit a bit to decide whether or not to post it. I can't believe I'm worried about something this stupid.
I can relate to that worry. I wanted to send a thank-you note to my therapist after I terminated and it took me over a month to find the emotional resources to write all of three sentences! So I can imagine that a whole letter would be quite an undertaking.
> Probably because it keeps me from worrying about how gut-wrenching it will be to write, how nerve-wracking it will be to wait after I send it, and how potentially painful it will be to get the response that I do not want but most certainly expect - or worse yet, to get no response at all.
Yeah. The question of the response is a tricky one. If you've been reading here for a year you'll have seen that different therapists have different policies about post-termination contact. Did you talk about further contact when you stopped seeing your former therapist?
Tamar
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 18:49:30
In reply to Writing Letter to Therapist, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 16:16:15
Hi and welcome. :)
My handwriting is so bad that even I can't read it. So that's not something I've given much thought to out of sheer practicality.
How did your termination come about? What sort of response do you expect and fear? What do you hope to accomplish? Are you prepared for whatever outcome you get? Do you have support available if you think you need it? (A general Babble rule is that no question needs to be answered. They can just be considered rhetorical if you prefer.)
I'm afraid there are a few therapists out there who believe it is best not to respond to post-termination contact. :( If your response is no response at all, please don't take it personally. It's probably just their policy.
Posted by pinkeye on June 21, 2005, at 19:10:02
In reply to Writing Letter to Therapist, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 16:16:15
I would say don't even waste your time and energy thinking about it..
IT is most likely not going to matter anyway you write to most therapists.
And if they want to reply, they will reply anyway - whether you write in hand or type it.
Posted by Aphrodite on June 21, 2005, at 19:27:06
In reply to Writing Letter to Therapist, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 16:16:15
Welcome to the board!
I've written a lot to my T, and I've done it both ways. I don't think it's a trivial issue at all -- I pondered over it too. I ended up liking typed the best because I get rather lengthy and my handwriting tends to get sloppy after awhile. I agree with Falls that you should do it both ways, and see which one speaks to you.
Has it been a long time since you stopped seeing your therapist? Was it on good terms?
I hope that you get the things you need from getting your feelings out on paper and in the hands of your ex-therapist. Good luck!
Posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 19:27:50
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist » jammerlich, posted by annierose on June 21, 2005, at 16:43:06
I wish I was a confident as you are that she'll read it! I know I would probably read it if I were in her shoes, but who really knows? I agree that handwriting is so much more personal. Thanks for passing along your vote and for the welcome!
Posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 19:30:14
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist » jammerlich, posted by annierose on June 21, 2005, at 16:43:06
To those of you who have taken the time to respond, I want to let you know that I will be back later to answer each of you individually. I have some things to take care of, but I *will* be back!
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 21, 2005, at 21:07:02
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 19:30:14
Hi Jammerlich! :-)
Id type it...unless you have really easy to read writing....
Rain
Ps- glad to see you posting and welcome!
Posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 21:43:36
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist » jammerlich, posted by fallsfall on June 21, 2005, at 16:54:13
I think you are absolutely right about doing it both ways. What a good idea! That way I can see how it really looks all written out and can experiment with using one or both sides of the page. And if it looks too long after all that, I can just send the typed letter.
Personally, I wouldn't call our ending a termination. It was more of a dumping from my perspective. She delivered an ultimatum and I felt submitting to it would be a self-desertion of sorts. It happened 7 or 8 months ago. I'm not specifically asking her to respond, but I am asking her to reconsider her demands, so a response is certainly warranted. I think if she doesn't, it would speak volumes about the sort of person she is.
Posted by pinkeye on June 21, 2005, at 21:46:32
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist » fallsfall, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 21:43:36
SHe won't respond.. Whatever wrong she did - she is not going to give you any reasoning.. from my personal experience.
Posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 21:48:20
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist » jammerlich, posted by Shortelise on June 21, 2005, at 17:17:48
I've been following your threads and I think you were so, so brave to write and send that letter. Kudos to you!! If you don't mind my asking, how did you get through the actual writing of it? I've been working on mine for 6 weeks probably and I just can't seem to get it done. It's so emotionally overwhelming. And I may have no choice but to send it typed. I can easily imagine my tears smearing the ink on anything I tried to write out. And I wouldn't dare send a tear stained letter for fear she would think I was trying to make her feel sorry for me.
Posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 21:54:46
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist » jammerlich, posted by Tamar on June 21, 2005, at 18:33:37
Thank you for normalizing my concern over this. I was wasting a lot of energy just feeling dumb for posting about it. It seemed so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Thanks for helping me see why it feels as big as it does.
We didn't really talk about contact afterwards because this wasn't a typical termination - at least I hope it wasn't. It was more of a "you can't come back until you agree to do this" sort of thing. I'm in a different place now and I'm asking her to see me for one or a few appointments (with no commitment) to see if we can find some middle ground and continue to work together.
i just re-read that last paragraph and it sounds like it's been so easy, but it hasn't. It's been excruciatingly painful.
Posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 22:03:20
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist » jammerlich, posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 18:49:30
<<<<<<<My handwriting is so bad that even I can't read it. So that's not something I've given much thought to out of sheer practicality.>>>>>>>One of the reasons I'm considering handwriting is because she told me several time that my handwriting is beautiful. I'd kind of like to remind her of something positive about myself.
<<<<<<<How did your termination come about? What sort of response do you expect and fear? What do you hope to accomplish? Are you prepared for whatever outcome you get? Do you have support available if you think you need it? (A general Babble rule is that no question needs to be answered. They can just be considered rhetorical if you prefer.)
>>>>>>> My termination came about because she wanted me to do something I felt wasn't in my best interest. Not because we had finished our work or because she was moving on to something else. My purpose in writing her is to let her know I'm in a different place than I was when we parted ways and to ask her to meet with me to see if we can meet somewhere in the middle and work together again. I fear and expect that she will refuse. And I guess I'm prepared for it because if she does indeed say no, I'm no worse off than I am now. Do I have support? Not really, but it's been the case all these months so it doesn't seem to matter.
Posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 22:04:31
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 22:03:20
Posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 22:09:17
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist » jammerlich, posted by Aphrodite on June 21, 2005, at 19:27:06
> Has it been a long time since you stopped seeing your therapist? Was it on good terms?It's been between 7 and 8 months since I've seen her. Good terms? That is a tough one for me to answer objectively. During the *dumping* she left a way for me to come back and she did say some nice things about what she thought of me. But I didn't believe them so much and felt hurt and abandoned just the same. I guess my final answer is that I'm not really sure.
Posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 22:10:06
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist » jammerlich, posted by rainbowbrite on June 21, 2005, at 21:07:02
Thanks for your vote and for the warm welcome!
Posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 22:14:34
In reply to DONT DO IT. » jammerlich, posted by pinkeye on June 21, 2005, at 21:46:32
I know you've felt so much pain over what happened with your ex-therapist and I can *so* understand where you are coming from.
I just think that maybe our circumstances are different. I'm not asking her for reasoning so much as for an opportunity to try and find some middle ground. And a lot of this has to do with finding some peace for myself. I don't think I'll be able to move on and let it go if I don't do this. I'm afraid if I don't it'll be one of those things I look back on and regret not doing.
Posted by pinkeye on June 21, 2005, at 22:49:17
In reply to Re: DONT DO IT. » pinkeye, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 22:14:34
I understand where you are coming from.. but I think you are going to be very disappointed. if someone is not sensible enough in the beginning to do this, then most likely they will continue to be insensible and can't see your point.
if you have to do it, do it. But I don't think she is going to reply or agree to see you. I think they just don't bother that much.
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2005, at 23:06:48
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 22:03:20
I think that if you've thought about it and have come to believe you can agree to her terms, or at least have a compromise to offer, it is a perfectly fine thing to do. Especially since you say she left the door open for you. And it also sounds as if your expectations are reasonable, and you've cushioned yourself a bit for an answer that isn't ideal.
You have a bit of support at least, if you post here. If, heaven forbid, she doesn't respond as you'd like her to, maybe it would be a good time to find a therapist who is a better fit? (I know, I know. I'm a fine one to talk. smile.)
Posted by Shortelise on June 22, 2005, at 1:07:21
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist » Shortelise, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 21:48:20
I just sat down and did it. I real through my writing here, and my journal, and wrote it.
The idea of ultimatums scares me. I am more and more afraid that my T will fire me - and I am considering not going back for that reason.
ShortE
Posted by fallsfall on June 22, 2005, at 11:15:45
In reply to Re: Writing Letter to Therapist » Tamar, posted by jammerlich on June 21, 2005, at 21:54:46
>I'm in a different place now and I'm asking her to see me for one or a few appointments (with no commitment) to see if we can find some middle ground and continue to work together
This is a mature outlook. I certainly hope that she will be willing to meet with you to discuss it - even if the answer at the end is that you can't work together.
I would ask her to let you know if she is agreeable or not. I (personally) would not survive if she didn't respond - I would take 6 months, every day waiting for an answer. I find that usually if you tell a therapist that you are expecting a response that they will give one (even if the response is to say that they won't "respond"). But if you don't ask for a response, they often won't give one.
It sounds like the termination was painful for you. It must have felt strange (or something else??) to have your therapist *requiring* something that you thought was not in your best interest.
It takes courage to face this stuff. Good for you!
This is the end of the thread.
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