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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 49. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 15:46:29
About ex T.. I get triggered again and again and feel down. Nowadays when I read other people's pleasant experiences and great experiences with their Ts I feel really jealous. (bad :-( I know, but can't help it).
And it makes me go back again and again and ruminate ..And I feel going in circles many times. I don't really think I even like him anymore that much.. But just that bad termination feelings keep coming back again and again. I think he went horribly wrong in how he terminated me..
But I am not able to stay away from babble also..
Posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 17:04:43
In reply to Babble is triggering old feelings again and again, posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 15:46:29
I am really thinking that I do so well when I am not very emotional. When I just work, and go on from my superficial level.
Once I become emotional, I become all messy and depressed and crying.... I think this feeling thing is not for me. All this emotions and talking about it and trying to heal etc - is much more than it is worth.
Posted by shrinking violet on June 16, 2005, at 18:03:48
In reply to I am much better off without feelings » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 17:04:43
{{{{pinkeye}}}}}
Me too, hon. It's hard, isn't it? I haven't read here much lately, but at the same time I feel like I don't want to "miss" anything either, so I come and read once a week or so, even though I know it's going to hurt and I don't have anything productive to give right now.
I'm sorry for your pain. And mine. And everyone else who can relate. I hope someday we can all find peace with this issue, in some way.
Take care,
sv
Posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 18:07:41
In reply to me too..... » pinkeye, posted by shrinking violet on June 16, 2005, at 18:03:48
yeah.. I feel I will be better off staying away from any feelings..
I just have so much of anger towards my ex T today. I feel why did I even stick to him for that long.. I should have just terminated after the first few sessions..instead of waiting for so long. I feel like throwing up all the things he taught me in the wind.. and to say to hell with it.
Posted by Jazzed on June 16, 2005, at 23:47:08
In reply to Babble is triggering old feelings again and again, posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 15:46:29
> About ex T.. I get triggered again and again and feel down. Nowadays when I read other people's pleasant experiences and great experiences with their Ts I feel really jealous. (bad :-( I know, but can't help it).
>I see this as a perfectly understandable feeling. I know I would absolutely feel the same way if I had a bad termination. I hope I never have one. I"m sorry that you and SV had such bad experiences. I have seen you go from feeling bad to good and back again. I know that you must try to convince yourself that you don't feel bad, that you don't care anymore, but I'm sure, like a death, it takes a lot of time to get over something like that. I'm not sure, short of some type of med, that there's an easy answer. I know when I took Lexapro, I didn't feel my emotions as strongly, which I thought would be good, but it made me too tired, so I got off of it. I know you mentioned AD's. Is it possible to just give one a try to see if it helps?
Jazzy
Posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 8:41:48
In reply to Babble is triggering old feelings again and again, posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 15:46:29
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I feel a little guily about my good T post right now. I don't want to make you feel bad.
All I can offer is hugs to you if you want.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 12:56:08
In reply to Re: Babble is triggering old feelings again and again, posted by Jazzed on June 16, 2005, at 23:47:08
Thanks Jazzed. I know I should really take AD. I don't think I am able to move past this without some form of medication.
I will talk to my T about it. Thing is, I am moving back to India in a couple of months, and wondering if I should wait till I go there to start an AD. Prescriptions here may not match what is available there, so I might have to discontinue quickly if I start here.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 12:56:57
In reply to Re: Babble is triggering old feelings again and again, posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 8:41:48
Don't feel guilty about the post. You need to write here to overcome your own issues, and feel free to write it in any way you want.
I will try to stay away as much as possible for sometime.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 16:45:22
In reply to Re: Babble is triggering old feelings again and again » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 12:56:57
Babble is not working for me.. It triggers me again and again..
I am finding it very hard to let go of my ex T after reading all the T stories here.
And I know I am not going to hear from my ex T again. And it is incredibly hard for me to digest that and participate here and I don't think working through it is working anymore or it is ever goign to make things easier for me. I don't think I am going to ever be healed from all this.
And I don't know what the right answer is now. I have given up.
Posted by shrinking violet on June 17, 2005, at 17:03:58
In reply to This is not working for me, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 16:45:22
I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much. Again, I can relate to what you've said here, especially today. Babblemail me, anytime. I wish I had some words of healing for you.
Take care of yourself, and keep posting if it helps at all,
sv> I am finding it very hard to let go of my ex T after reading all the T stories here.
> And I know I am not going to hear from my ex T again. And it is incredibly hard for me to digest that and participate here and I don't think working through it is working anymore or it is ever goign to make things easier for me. I don't think I am going to ever be healed from all this.
> And I don't know what the right answer is now. I have given up.
Posted by Tamar on June 17, 2005, at 17:08:06
In reply to This is not working for me, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 16:45:22
I'm so sorry you're hurting pinkeye. I know it's awful to go through these feelings for an ex-T.
I wish I could think of something helpful to say. I'm not at my most articulate at the moment. But I'm thinking of you.
(((((pinkeye)))))
Tamar
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:00:07
In reply to Re: This is not working for me » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on June 17, 2005, at 17:08:06
Thanks. I am more and more leaning towards CBT approach - just let it go and forget instead of trying to understand and analyze and grow etc. That is not working for me. And I don't think I can reasonably do it without any input from my ex T. Maybe if I still had contact with him, I could have tried to grwo. But not after this abrupt termination and lack of any contact. Too much damage has been done and it is not worth trying to grow now. Best would be to try to forget and move on and focus on other things.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:26:48
In reply to Re: This is not working for me » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:00:07
I regret ever going to therapy with my ex T. I regret I ever went to him and even bothered explaining anything to him. I should have never even talked with him and just shut him out 3 years back this day. IT is all a waste of time and energy and nonsense and heights of stupidity on my part.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:36:39
In reply to I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:26:48
His way of termination has destoryed all the respect and regards I ever had for him. I used to think of him very highly till this date.. But no more. He doesn't understand emotions at all. He is perhaps logical but when it comes to emotions, he doesn't understand anything.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:40:18
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:36:39
And I feel sorry for myself that I ever thought he would be able to understand and help me.
I am sorry I ever tried to open up and trust and heal. It is totally not worth it and it is not possible.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:49:35
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:40:18
And why should I feel bad? It is him who should feel bad. If I were a therapist, I wouldn't terminate my client especially long term ones like that. I would never ever have done that to anyone of my clients. He should have had little more common sense than to abruptly send one mail one day and temrinate and vanish.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:01:20
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:49:35
He really needs to learn a lot if he ever wants to become a therapist again and treat long term patients like me. OTherwise, he is going to cause more harm than help in the end. He needs to understand about emotions, transference, how significant it is and everything.. and how important it is to talk about emotions and childhood and let the client heal instead of just asking to cope up with the world now. Maybe they didn't teach him all this in college, but he has more exposure, he should know more. He messed up my termination, but I am thinking I should send him an email of what he did wrong so that he doesn't do it to the future clients. Otherwise he is just going to cause havoc in other patients.. ATleast I was the first long time woman patient he had (perhaps the only one), if it happened to other people in India, they wouldn't have had even as much info as I have about all this.. it would have been a disaster. They wouldn't have been able to recover at all. Atleast I have so much other info and support and understanding about transference.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:06:36
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:01:20
And I honestly don't think many clients puts as much effort as me in understanding things and trying to heal.. And even with so much of effort on my part, if he didn't handle the termination right, what to say of other less motivated clients? They would have just commited suicide if terminated so abruptly.. They would have just totally given up on life.. Even with so much of undersatnding about transference, I find it so hard to accept it.. what to say of less informed patients?
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:21:49
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:06:36
And I really think I tried my best.. I don't think many people put as much effort as me.. He messed it up.. he should have given me atleast 3 months warning, and asked me to slowly terminate, and he should have given me little bit of after tmermination support. I would have done much much better if I had had that considerate approach instead of this hardcore abrupt termination and pick up yourself I don't care what you do attitude. That is what really got to me. I didn't mind that he terminated.. but just that he terminated so abruptly.. that totally sucked. And he didn't reply when I told him I felt bad.. what kind of person would do that? If he felt I was a nuisance, he could have had little more courtesy to tell me before hand.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:43:42
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:21:49
oh.. why should I blame him for my own problems and transference.. I am so emotionally immature nobody could ever help me anyway. why just blame him alone.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:46:23
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:43:42
I should really not live.. I make everyone's life around me miserable.. my parents, my husbands, my own, and now I am blaming my ex T also.. I really don't know how to live.. I wish I can die soon. I really dn't know how to be simple and happy.. I am so very complicated..and messed up. And I don't think there is any point in continuing to live this way.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:51:08
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:46:23
babblers - don't get concerned over me.. I won't do anything stupid..
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:53:33
In reply to forgot to add trigger for above post, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:51:08
I want to leave babble.. I don't know if I can.. but I desperately want to leave. I keep coming back here.. almost like push and pull.. I am a miserable person.. and I don't feel like I belong here.
Posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 20:54:26
In reply to forgot to add trigger for above post, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:51:08
> babblers - don't get concerned over me.. I won't do anything stupid..
Well I am concerned about you pinkeye. I just wished I knew what to say to make you feel better. I care about you and I hope you will be all right. (((((pinkeye)))) I feel really sad about this.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:59:19
In reply to Re: forgot to add trigger for above post, posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 20:54:26
don't worry about me. it is not worht it.. I have given up on myself. I don't think it is ever possible for me to be happy or even decently not miserable. I have always been like this, and am always going to be like this. there is really no use anymore and no hope for me. I will just have to live like this.. I have really tried.. believe me I have.. no effect. not even a little bit.
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