![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 28. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 13:31:43
So, in following with Tamar's idea, is anyone here willing to pretend like they are my ex T and help me get closure and move on?
I wrote him an email recently - telling him how I hadn't told him all that happened with my dad, how I had always been messed up emotionall from childhood. How I was always emotionally tortured and hurt and scared, and confused and contradicted with all the various issues.
I asked him if I should try to dig further or try to just move on.
I told him about babble and my chatting here and being taken care of by so many babblers.
I told him the india plans - to return after 2 -3 months to india for a couple of years.
I told him things with my hsuband has been better and he is fairly nice and pleasant, but sometimes he is physically violent with me.
I told him I found it hard to terminate with him so abruptly and not being able to contact. I asked him if he would allow me to write 2 - 3 times more and if he would atleast write me a one liner once or twice more to help me move on. I told him I try to manage but found it incredibly hard to just stop contacting and move on. I told him I understood all the feeligs I had towards him was all transference - that is probably why I ended up asking him again and again if he liked me, even though I knew he was indifferent and I was just a patient. I told him I had projected all these stuff on to him.
I told him I should perhaps never write again to him.. and I wasn't even sure if he is going to read my mail or if the email address is still even valid.
That is pretty much what I wrote. Is anyone willing to pretend like my ex T and help me get closure and move on?? He is probably never going to write again.
Posted by Jazzed on May 25, 2005, at 16:38:45
In reply to Help me get closure with my ex - T?, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 13:31:43
I don't think anyone can really help you get closure over the web. Sound like you have things that you seriously want to delve into, and that another T might be able to help you with, including that closure. If you go again, and you don't want that intimate transference feeling, you might try a female T. I never developed that with a female. I hope you can get through this, I can hear that it's causing you a lot of pain, and I can definitely relate to that.
Jazzed
Posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 16:51:55
In reply to Re: Help me get closure with my ex - T?, posted by Jazzed on May 25, 2005, at 16:38:45
Thanks Jazzed. I think you have put some real sense into me. Yeah, I think it is a very stupid idea.
I am fine. I am going to a new T, but it is not really helping in my transference.
Actually, I am not hurt. Not anymore. It is not causing me pain anymore.
This will be the last post that I am writing about my ex T. I am not going to write to him or dwelve about this anymore. There really is no way to get closure other than to just forget it and move on. And I will do that.
Posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 16:57:19
In reply to Re: Help me get closure with my ex - T?, posted by Jazzed on May 25, 2005, at 16:38:45
Actually what you have said really struck me.
And I think I am going to put an end to everything right now. No more digging deeper and no more trying to heal emotionally and all that. I have done enough of it. And I am not going to do it anymore. No more of all this transference talk and all this different child states and emotions and all that. IT is all too messy - doesn't lead you anywhere, it just makes you ruminate more and more and more.. it spoils your functioning in job, it spoils your mood. I don't know why I didn't see it before. And I don't like therapy at all. I hate it.
I am going to start terminating with my current T also. I don't need therapy anymore.
Posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 17:26:34
In reply to Re: Help me get closure with my ex - T? » Jazzed, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 16:57:19
To start all this therapy in the first place. Why did I even start it.. It is gotten only further and further complicated. I have been completely messier in the past 3 years. Regressed, childish, attached, emotional and sentimental. Completely idiotic and stupid.
I can't believe I led myself into this nightmare. I should have stopped all my therapy after the first 5 - 6 sessions, and not continued writing. I should have just let it go and made peace with my husband and not worry about trying to grow up and all that bull. It is not worth it, and I hate it, and I don't want anymore of it. All this projection and transference and everything is plain bull. I can't believe I bought all this stuff. All this looking into and trying to grow and heal.. no way. I am so angry with myself. How could I have been so very stupid?
Posted by happyflower on May 25, 2005, at 17:39:03
In reply to Help me get closure with my ex - T?, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 13:31:43
I don't think I can be much help because I am going through some intense sh@t right now, but I am thinking about you and offer you a hug if you like. The boards seem very slow today, but I hope someone can help more than me. Right now I just suck. ((((((((pinkeye)))))
Posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 17:40:43
In reply to Re: Help me get closure with my ex - T?, posted by happyflower on May 25, 2005, at 17:39:03
Thanks. Actually I don't need any help. I am quite allright. Just wondering how plain stupid I have been all these years.
Posted by Dinah on May 25, 2005, at 17:46:08
In reply to I can't believe how damn stupid I have been » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 17:26:34
I thought you said that you were very difficult to live with before you started therapy? That you were having trouble controlling your temper.
Is it possible that you tend to think in either/or terms? It's a common thing. I think I've noticed it a bit lately in your posts. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. But it's a way of thinking that can leave you feeling a bit trapped sometimes.
Like... Self nurturing is a wonderful thing. It can be very helpful. But it's unlikely that it can be the entire answer to life difficulties. It can be part of a healthy well balanced life.
And... It's possible that therapy can be good in some ways and bad in some ways. And that some therapies suit some people more than others.
And your feelings for your father seem to swing widely. From thinking he was a good man who did his best, to extreme anger.
I could be completely wrong. It's just something I've noticed a bit lately. Has your therapist talked to you about it?
It could be a coping mechanism on your part that is becoming a bit more pronounced under stress. Obsessing about something unrelated to the problem at hand is another coping mechanism, one I use all the time. You're under a lot of stress and it's possible that a lot of your old coping mechanisms are being used more than usual.
If you think you're decompensating a bit more than you like, can you ask your therapist to stop probing for a while and help you shore up your coping skills? Step back and practice the basics? That's a reasonable request. Do you think medication might be helpful?
You're under a lot of life stress right now. It's really scary to revisit your childhood with a therapist and have them relabel the actions of your parents with scary names. It can be confusing. It might be a worthwhile thing, but not necessarily when life stressors are pushing in on you.
You have a few basic choices you need to make at this juncture of your life. They involve sorting out your priorities and deciding what you want to be, who you want to be. Therapy can help you with that. But it doesn't necessarily sound like your therapy is attempting to help you with that.
But I'm not in your therapy room, so I don't know. Do you talk to your therapist about the practicalities confronting you? What does she say?
Posted by annierose on May 25, 2005, at 17:51:02
In reply to I can't believe how damn stupid I have been » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 17:26:34
Pinkeye -
Please don't make hasty decisions. I have several thoughts right now, so bare with me.
I think your relationshiop with your ex-t should be not be dismissed. Consider continuing working with your current T (if you like him or her). I think in the long run, it would be valuable. Therapy is a long process. This is my 2nd go-around, and the first time, I was with her for close to 5 years. Be patient with the process. Please. I feel pain through your posts and I just want to hug you and let you know that you can do this. It is worth the fight.
Secondly, you mentioned that you kept asking if your T liked you, and now you know it's all transferance. Pinkeye - your T probably does like you. Just because he was your T, it doesn't mean he didn't have feelings (appropriate ones) for his clients. Think of school teachers: they have a classroom of children every year that they think very highly of. They don't necessarily want to take these kids home and be their parents, but while in his/her care, teachers tend to their needs. And often times, outside of school, the teacher may think of a child if they come across someone or something that reminds them of him/her. I use this analogy because I have several friends that are school teachers, most with their own children. And sometimes they go on and on about their school children and I have to ask, "and what about your own children?".
Professionals do care. It's not a 100% reciprocal relationship, but I don't feel it's 100 vs 0% either. I receive so much from my T. She gives me her undivided attention, her thoughts, her support, her caring, her time ... and I try to soak it all up. There is a give and take, on both sides.
How often do you meet with your current T? You have such great access to your emotions, I think you would enjoy going more often, if it was a possiblity.
You are not stupid. You are wise and have lots of questions that you should address. Pretending they don't exist does not make them go away. Your brain remembers, and this stuff comes up again and again in different ways. One thing I have learned about therapy the first time and now, she (my T) was right. The pain is always there. It may be hidden, but it does surface in others areas of your life if not dealt with.
Re: transferance. I am female and my T is female. Of course I have transferance issues with her. Would they be worse if I saw a male? I don't know. But caring is a non-gender issue. I feel very close to her. Transferance happens. And it's up to your T to help you deal with those feelings.
I wish we could meet you in Chicago. You are such a kind hearted person. Don't beat yourself up. Please. And post often.
Annierose
Posted by Dinah on May 25, 2005, at 18:03:30
In reply to Re: I can't believe how damn stupid I have been » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on May 25, 2005, at 17:46:08
It was intended to try to help you feel less pain.
Posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 18:10:51
In reply to I apologize if my last post was presumptuous., posted by Dinah on May 25, 2005, at 18:03:30
No need to apologize. You were not being presumptuous. I think lot of what you said is valid.
I will revisit your post sometime later. Right now, I am not in all that great mood. Thanks for writing.
Posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 18:12:02
In reply to Re: I can't believe how damn stupid I have been » pinkeye, posted by annierose on May 25, 2005, at 17:51:02
Thanks Annie.
I will reply later to you. I am not in such a great mood right now. Thanks for the support.
Posted by Dinah on May 25, 2005, at 18:23:40
In reply to Re: I apologize if my last post was presumptuous. » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 18:10:51
Posted by JenStar on May 25, 2005, at 18:52:56
In reply to I can't believe how damn stupid I have been » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 17:26:34
hi pinkeye,
It sounds to me that you're only starting to get more frustrated because you're coming to learn more about your past and to realize that big mistakes were made by your parents. Like Dinah said, it DOES seem that you have two warring perspectives: On the one hand, you are sort of "trained" to give your dad ultimate respect and deference, because that is what you learned culturally, even though he hurt you and your mom. On the other hand, you're learning that he made big huge colossal errors with you, and you didn't deserve that, and he's not really facing it or admitting it. And that makes you MAD and not want to respect him and what he did to you. So you have these two factions fighting in your mind for dominance, and it's tearing you up right now, because you have to choose between yourself and your cultural upbringing. The issues with your husband seem to mirror the issues with your dad, and again, you have to make a choice. At least, that's the way it seems to me from the outside, and I apologize if I"m missing the mark here!You're NOT stupid. You're brave and smart. You're trying to figure yourself out, and that is never a bad thing to do! It just seems like you opened a box that was shut tight and hidden away deep inside you, and now the feeling of self-worth and self-preservation and respect are coming out and you don't know exactly what to do with them.
I hope it all works out! (I know that sounds lame, but I mean it.)
((pinkeye))
JenStar
Posted by Tamar on May 25, 2005, at 19:25:07
In reply to Help me get closure with my ex - T?, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 13:31:43
I really want to reply properly to your post, but I'm unusually tired today and I have to get some sleep now or I'll be falling apart tomorrow.
But I'll be thinking of you in the mean time.
Take care,
Tamar
Posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 20:19:17
In reply to ((((pinkeye)))) gonna reply as soon as i can » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 25, 2005, at 19:25:07
Thanks a lot everyone. You guys are all right. I need to work out this emotional problems instead of just shutting it off. OTherwise, it will end up eating me alive.
But it is so incredibly hard for me to fail so badly in something.
To suffer so much, to not be able to be happy, to hurt so much. It feels like I am just discovering that I am a complete idiot when I had thought I was very intelligent. To feel you don't control your own emotions and it has its own life and won't listen to your logic. And that it has the capacity to affect even your logical thinking and working in job. I feel like I have failed so badly in life.
And I don't know what to feel towards my dad. I know he has made me what I am today, yet he has made me suffer so much - and I didn't do anyting to deserve so much of suffering and hurting and guilty feelings and scared feelings. I don't take responsibility for my happiness, and I let him dictate my actions even now, and I feel so miserable for giving him so much power. And to add to it, I am right in more things than he has ever been in his life. He is very fanatical, and takes extreme stance in everything and really has no clue how life works for anyone. And I really know better, but find it impossible to break away from him and his views. And I know in my heart, that he treated me as his wife.. he used me to fulfill his desires for companionship, and he made me his mirror. And I know it is a horrible thing to do to a child. I would never do it to my child. But I still love him a lot. And always will. I have to figure out what place to give him in my life and it is so extremely frightening to become like an adult instead of a dependant child. I did very well being a dependant child - and did whatever I was supposed to do really well - studied, behaved well, came to US because my father asked me to, got a great job, managed to get a Green Card, etc. But I compromised myself as a woman in that process - and didn't allow myself to bond in a healthy way to men and confused my own sexuality and femininity etc. Now I have to define what I want as a woman, and break away from my dad. And it is horribly difficult. I feel like I am doing the ultimate betrayal to my father.
And it is very emotionally hurting to not hear from my ex T as well. Maybe it is all a projection, but this kind of sudden withdrawal of all contact is very hard to take. I feel thrown out like an object, and right or wrong, that is the way I feel. And it feels really very bad.
And combined with work pressure, India/US issue, and my arhtritis pain has shot up and it hurts to even walk.
And I try to beat my emotions up to perform, almost like beating up a failing donkey to run and carry more on its back, and it is fumbling down and falling over, and usually I take control of things from my logical mind when it gets too messy, but this time, even I am not able to do that. And it feels really scary to know that the one thing that you have always counted upon - is failing you as well. I am not able to keep up in work or concentrate as I should be able to. And it is extremely difficult to me to fail so badly. But I am not able to do it. Thankfully I am planning to resign from this job anyway in couple of months, so it is allright even if I fail now. But I really don't like the feeling of underperforming. And I just don't have the energy to read and learn new things. I feel my emotions have overtaken and spoilt my logical mind also.
Thanks for listening and for the support. I don't have energy to write back to each of you individually.
Posted by JenStar on May 25, 2005, at 20:49:51
In reply to For all of you, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 20:19:17
((pinkeye))
I'm so sorry you're hurting, physically from arthritis and emotionally from the issues with T & Dad. I totally understand that you can't write back to everyone, and I hope you feel better soon. :) I'm thinking of you with kind thoughts! I'm sending you happiness vibes thru the internet (wouldn't it be cool if that really worked??)
Take care of yourself!
JenStar
Posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 21:55:40
In reply to ((pinkeye)) » pinkeye, posted by JenStar on May 25, 2005, at 20:49:51
Thanks My father is an extremely good person though. He didn't realize all his actions was causing me so much of confusion. But it did cause me confusion. And I know I am suffering because of it.
Thanks a lot for the support Jen Star.
Posted by Jazzed on May 25, 2005, at 22:35:22
In reply to Re: Help me get closure with my ex - T? » Jazzed, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 16:57:19
> Actually what you have said really struck me.
>
> And I think I am going to put an end to everything right now. No more digging deeper and no more trying to heal emotionally and all that. I have done enough of it. And I am not going to do it anymore. No more of all this transference talk and all this different child states and emotions and all that. IT is all too messy - doesn't lead you anywhere, it just makes you ruminate more and more and more.. it spoils your functioning in job, it spoils your mood. I don't know why I didn't see it before. And I don't like therapy at all. I hate it.
>
> I am going to start terminating with my current T also. I don't need therapy anymore.Oh, Pinkeye, I feel so bad! I never ever meant to infer that you shouldn't do therapy. I think that therapy can be very positive, and sometimes we have to go through the muddy water to get to the sandy beach on the other side. I think you have been through so much, and I'm not sure what happened with you and your exT, but whatever it was, it obviously hurt you very deeply. I think we need to work through these things. It's like falling in love, and then breaking up. It's very messy, and very hurtful, but there's hope that eventually we'll feel better. Unfortunately the way I see it, is that you had that intimate relationship with your T, it broke off, but not only do you have to deal with that, but all the other pain in your life.
I'm so sorry if I made it sound as though you should just sweep it under the carpet, NO, no, no! Find a T who can really help you, and if it's not this one, find another!
Jazz
Posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 22:46:28
In reply to Re: Help me get closure with my ex - T?, posted by Jazzed on May 25, 2005, at 22:35:22
Thanks. Don't worry about the post. You did end up putting lot of sense in me.
I realized that I am never going to get closure from my ex T. It is just not soemthing which I can expect.
And I didn't have a very intimate relationship or anything. I obviously was projecting everything on to him, because of my wrong thinking. And he doesn't have any part in all this. He would have forgotten me by now, and I really don't want to feel bad about him. He did his job.
Only because of my transference and all these confusions I am so feeling bad. Maybe if I had a clearer view of myself and been able to understand myself better before, I probably would have remained distant myself. I was relating like a kid, like an adult all possible combinations and permutations and I was just drawing all these paintings on him and making him wear different faces and just using that to grow up myself. I did it without knowing, but that is what I ended up doing. And I am feeling bad now, and that is what is the expected outcome of therapy anyway. This is expected when you have transference I guess. I just have to accept it. And your post finally made me do it. So don't feel bad.
Posted by Jazzed on May 26, 2005, at 4:06:20
In reply to Re: Help me get closure with my ex - T? » Jazzed, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 22:46:28
> Thanks. Don't worry about the post. You did end up putting lot of sense in me.
>
> I realized that I am never going to get closure from my ex T. It is just not soemthing which I can expect.
>
> And I didn't have a very intimate relationship or anything. I obviously was projecting everything on to him, because of my wrong thinking. And he doesn't have any part in all this. He would have forgotten me by now, and I really don't want to feel bad about him. He did his job.
>
> Only because of my transference and all these confusions I am so feeling bad. Maybe if I had a clearer view of myself and been able to understand myself better before, I probably would have remained distant myself. I was relating like a kid, like an adult all possible combinations and permutations and I was just drawing all these paintings on him and making him wear different faces and just using that to grow up myself. I did it without knowing, but that is what I ended up doing. And I am feeling bad now, and that is what is the expected outcome of therapy anyway. This is expected when you have transference I guess. I just have to accept it. And your post finally made me do it. So don't feel bad.
>It just sounds like you got part way "there", but didn't finish. I do think transference is part of therapy, but when you work through it with your T, then you get to the "other side", and that's when you can work through the real stuff you have going on. I think you just didn't get to the other side, and now you can try to do that. It's so hard, and it takes a lot of time, but don't give up on it. Sounds as though maybe your T didn't know about transference, or didn't know how to help you work through it?
Jazzed
Posted by Tamar on May 26, 2005, at 4:45:01
In reply to Help me get closure with my ex - T?, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 13:31:43
Following on from your original post, if I were your ex-T I would reply to your email and say something like this:
Dear pinkeye,
Thank you for your email. I am glad to hear that you have been learning how to think psychologically and that you are finding insights into your problems.
I understand why you found our termination abrupt and I regret that you suffered because of it. Unfortunately I had reasons for the abruptness, and now that I no longer practice as a therapist it was no longer possible for me to support you. It is natural for you to feel abandoned, but it was not my intention to abandon you; it was simply a matter of the circumstances.
It is difficult for me to comment on the issues with your father, because I know him. However, I think you do need to explore your feelings and childhood experiences with a new therapist in order to be able to move forward. And I am glad to hear that your relationship with your husband has improved, although I am concerned that you report occasional physical violence. I think you might need to consider carefully how serious this violence is, and what it will mean for you if you come back to India.
I am glad that you recognise your feelings about me as transference. When I was a therapist it was necessary for me to be very objective with you, and that is why I did not discuss my feelings. However, I enjoyed the work we did together.
I am not sure that it would be a good idea to re-establish contact. I am no longer a therapist and you are no longer my patient, and I do not want to jeopardize or confuse any work that you might do with a new therapist. But I understand that the manner of our termination was difficult for you and that is why I am writing you this final email. I hope you will understand that I will always remember you, even if I cannot be your therapist any more.
I wish you well for the future.
With best wishes,
Your former therapist
Posted by Tamar on May 26, 2005, at 5:35:26
In reply to For all of you, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 20:19:17
> But it is so incredibly hard for me to fail so badly in something.
Gosh, I think you’re actually being very successful. You’re really working hard at addressing some things that have made you suffer for years.
> To suffer so much, to not be able to be happy, to hurt so much. It feels like I am just discovering that I am a complete idiot when I had thought I was very intelligent. To feel you don't control your own emotions and it has its own life and won't listen to your logic. And that it has the capacity to affect even your logical thinking and working in job. I feel like I have failed so badly in life.
Nah… you’re not a complete idiot. Sometimes it’s difficult to get emotions and thoughts into the same plane of existence. Working emotionally is a whole different kettle of fish from working intellectually. But you’re clearly demonstrating that you have the capacity to do it well.
I realise that what I said earlier about finding new challenges at work was probably not the right thing. If you feel you’re seriously underperforming at work, because you can’t concentrate and because your emotions are breaking into your ability to get your job done, then new challenges would just put too much pressure on you.
If (like me) you define your success by your performance at work, then it’s hard to feel you’re not successful. I’m still trying to get used to the idea that other successes in my life (like being happy, enjoying my family, finding pleasure in hobbies etc) might actually be more important than success at work. At the moment I’m trying to accept myself as only-just-good-enough at work, so that I can concentrate my emotional resources on the things I’ve decided matter more to me.
> And I don't know what to feel towards my dad. I know he has made me what I am today, yet he has made me suffer so much - and I didn't do anyting to deserve so much of suffering and hurting and guilty feelings and scared feelings. I don't take responsibility for my happiness, and I let him dictate my actions even now, and I feel so miserable for giving him so much power. And to add to it, I am right in more things than he has ever been in his life. He is very fanatical, and takes extreme stance in everything and really has no clue how life works for anyone. And I really know better, but find it impossible to break away from him and his views. And I know in my heart, that he treated me as his wife.. he used me to fulfill his desires for companionship, and he made me his mirror. And I know it is a horrible thing to do to a child. I would never do it to my child. But I still love him a lot. And always will. I have to figure out what place to give him in my life and it is so extremely frightening to become like an adult instead of a dependant child. I did very well being a dependant child - and did whatever I was supposed to do really well - studied, behaved well, came to US because my father asked me to, got a great job, managed to get a Green Card, etc. But I compromised myself as a woman in that process - and didn't allow myself to bond in a healthy way to men and confused my own sexuality and femininity etc. Now I have to define what I want as a woman, and break away from my dad. And it is horribly difficult. I feel like I am doing the ultimate betrayal to my father.
At the risk of sounding a bit Freudian, maybe breaking away from your dad is just the thing you missed out on in childhood. Most girls try to break away from their dad a bit during childhood, but your dad never allowed it. He kept you emotionally and physically close to him and didn’t let you develop in a healthy way. But maybe breaking away is exactly what you need in order to love him as an adult woman loves her father. Maybe he’s afraid that if you break away you won’t love him any more, and that’s why he wants to keep you close. He needs to discover that your love for him should be an adult love and not the starry-eyed hero-worship that little girls feel for their fathers. Perhaps rather than betrayal, breaking away from him could allow your relationship to develop into something happier and healthier?
> And combined with work pressure, India/US issue, and my arhtritis pain has shot up and it hurts to even walk.It’s awful to experience such serious physical manifestations of your psychological suffering. I hope it eases soon.
> And I try to beat my emotions up to perform, almost like beating up a failing donkey to run and carry more on its back, and it is fumbling down and falling over, and usually I take control of things from my logical mind when it gets too messy, but this time, even I am not able to do that. And it feels really scary to know that the one thing that you have always counted upon - is failing you as well. I am not able to keep up in work or concentrate as I should be able to. And it is extremely difficult to me to fail so badly. But I am not able to do it. Thankfully I am planning to resign from this job anyway in couple of months, so it is allright even if I fail now. But I really don't like the feeling of underperforming. And I just don't have the energy to read and learn new things. I feel my emotions have overtaken and spoilt my logical mind also.
I found that trying to stamp on my emotions with my logical mind just made things worse. It affected all sorts of things that weren’t supposed to be affected. For example, I felt very ashamed of my desire for my ex-T. Stamping on it made it seem to go away, but at the same time I lost my desire for my husband and I began to feel even more ugly than usual. In the end I had to let it back in, and tried to feel it was a good and healthy thing to feel desire for an attractive man. And then things were better with my husband and I felt a little more confident. Of course, allowing the desire back also meant feeling the full force of the pain of never being able to touch my ex-T, but at the same time I was able to feel more love for my husband. Emotions are complicated things!
(((((pinkeye)))))
You’re really going through a hard time right now, but you’re so brave and you’re working so hard on it. I really admire you.
Tamar
Posted by Jazzed on May 26, 2005, at 6:48:29
In reply to Re: Help me get closure with my ex - T? » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 26, 2005, at 4:45:01
Tamar, you really need to think about going back to school to be a T. Your response was so thoughtful and rational.
Jazzed
Posted by pinkeye on May 26, 2005, at 13:19:02
In reply to Re: Help me get closure with my ex - T? » pinkeye, posted by Jazzed on May 26, 2005, at 4:06:20
Thanks. I think I went only halfway through with my exT. There were several reasons why I couldn't fully work it through - email therapy being a major reason. It would have taken extreme amounts of email on both sides to have been able to do that.
It probably would have worked out even better if we had been able to see each other face to face or atleast talk in the phone.
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