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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by messadivoce on May 20, 2005, at 2:48:11
Okay, so I've moved home after graduation. My room is filled with boxes and I'm slowly going through them. It's getting cleaner in here. Too bad my mind is such a mess.
I will be living at home at least for the summer. Depending on what kind of job I can find, it may be possible to move out in the fall. But since I want to get married next summer, I could save SO much $$ living at home.
I feel so weird right now. I can feel myself on the verge of a depression/anger meltdown and I just can't go there. To summarize, I struggle with living with my family. I am so different from them in almost every way. I struggle with reconciling the memories I have of my dad with the man who has been very helpful through this move. To anyway, it looks as though we have a good relationship. No one guesses at the hurt I still carry.
It is so tough to not fall back into old patterns. I have to keep talking myself up. I'm not the helpless little girl anymore who had to take whatever was dished out. I'm valuable as a person, even though I'm so dramatically different from my family. I'm a capible woman who has proven herself. Then why do I feel like a kid again???
I'm not in therapy right now, but maybe I should be. My T is not currently in private practice. She is seeking out jobs in university clinics. She's talked about a private practice, but nothing's materialized. I could start over AGAIN with a T (#3) but the thought of that makes my heart and my lungs and whatever else is in there sink. And then there's the $$ issue. I don't know if I can afford therapy now that I would have to pay.
Is it the upheavil of moving that has triggered this?? I wonder.
The good news is that I have a lot more now than I've ever had. I have a computer with a DSL connection in my room, so I can babble to my heart's content. I have a big room so I can do yoga, and I have decoration plans to turn this back into my space. I'm determined to keep myself sane. And I have my music, and still have lots of friends close by. I've got memories of my T.
I hope it's enough for now.
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 20, 2005, at 9:36:19
In reply to Raise your hand if you hate moving, posted by messadivoce on May 20, 2005, at 2:48:11
>>I'm a capible woman who has proven herself. Then why do I feel like a kid again???
It is totally understandable that you feel as you do. Going back home after living on your own is tough. very cool on computer and decorating. that should help make you feel better.
if it gets unbearable then dont force yourself to stay.i think that there is a very good chance that all this has triggered these feelings.
And finishing school adds to that as well. Im not sure if its relevant to you but alot of people I know have major issues with the inbetween phase. It casues alot of unwanted feelings to emerge.Take care
rain
Posted by sunny10 on May 20, 2005, at 12:11:21
In reply to Re: Raise your hand if you hate moving, posted by rainbowbrite on May 20, 2005, at 9:36:19
make your mantra "this is temporary, this is temporary"...
Posted by pinkeye on May 20, 2005, at 14:26:10
In reply to Raise your hand if you hate moving, posted by messadivoce on May 20, 2005, at 2:48:11
You are possibly overwhelmed with everything right now.. finishing graduation, moving back to home, and living close to your parents, and not having therapy etc.
Start babbling a lot :-) That would help.
I have the same fears of going back closer to my parents. I wonder if I will be strong enough to keep all that I learnt and not fall back into a scared kid state. My parents still manage to terrorize me a lot - either about money or about health, or about India or about my husband. I have to learn to discount everything that my fahter says. I wonder how I will manage that.
Talk to people.. the more you talk and write, the more you heal and move on. I think I am one of those who wrote the way to cure (as much cure as I have got now). You can do the same.
Posted by anastasia56 on May 20, 2005, at 17:50:23
In reply to Re: Raise your hand if you hate moving » messadivoce, posted by pinkeye on May 20, 2005, at 14:26:10
i moved back in with my mother twice after college. It was incredibly hard to 'regress' as it felt that way and I was really depressed.
After a while i adapted but i know how you feel. On the positive side it allowed me to save enough money to buy a house of my own...it's sooo hard to save when you are renting. It gave me a huge leg up financially. Try to think of that while you are adjusting (which will come eventually).
ana
Posted by messadivoce on May 21, 2005, at 2:09:29
In reply to Re: Raise your hand if you hate moving, posted by rainbowbrite on May 20, 2005, at 9:36:19
> but a lot of people I know have major issues with the inbetween phase. It casues alot of unwanted feelings to emerge.>
Yeah, I think it's a big part of why I feel the way I do right now...
Voce
Posted by messadivoce on May 21, 2005, at 2:09:57
In reply to Re: Raise your hand if you hate moving, posted by sunny10 on May 20, 2005, at 12:11:21
> make your mantra "this is temporary, this is temporary"...
I love that advice!!!
Voce
Posted by messadivoce on May 21, 2005, at 2:11:18
In reply to Re: Raise your hand if you hate moving » messadivoce, posted by pinkeye on May 20, 2005, at 14:26:10
> Start babbling a lot :-) That would help.
I'm afraid I won't do anything but babble! That could be dangerous advice. ;-)
Posted by messadivoce on May 21, 2005, at 2:12:25
In reply to Re: Raise your hand if you hate moving, posted by anastasia56 on May 20, 2005, at 17:50:23
>On the positive side it allowed me to save enough money to buy a house of my own...it's sooo hard to save when you are renting. It gave me a huge leg up financially. Try to think of that while you are adjusting (which will come eventually).
Yeah, that's a huge reason of why I'm here. I hope it will pay off.
Posted by 10derHeart on May 21, 2005, at 12:29:38
In reply to Raise your hand if you hate moving, posted by messadivoce on May 20, 2005, at 2:48:11
...I do understand. I guess I grew to accept it, so there wasn't much room for hating it left in me. Too busy, too much responsibility.
Being a retired military person, I moved 10 times in 26 years. In fact, the longest after high school I ever lived anywhere was 4 years, and that seemed tooo long. This Oct will be 4 years where I am now, and I feel restless and odd even now, though I've grown to love where I live.
I think for me, as for lots of military folks I've asked over the years, it's a mixed blessing. It's exciting and you just learn so much about yourself, about how to handle ANYTHING (I moved 6/10 times as a single parent), and then about all the places you end up living in.
Of course, the flip side is the loss. Loss and goodbye. Leaving and tears. Nothing is permanent fron day 1. This leads to both holding back for some, and incredibly close bonds for others.
I'm in the latter group. Get close, really quickly, and stay in touch with some of those who were most special - for years. It is hard, though. Now, through therapy, I'm beginning to sort out, for me, how all that regular moving might fit in to my abandonment stuff that started at least at 19 when my mom died, if not earlier.
I think I was both better able to withstand and adapt to the emotional toll it took, AND I was deeply wounded each time. If it makes any sense that I could be both ways simultaneously. Hated being left, and hated leaving people you'd had such wonderful relationships with.
Enough of that for now....Voce, as to some of your other comments, yes, transitions of any kind leave us more open for confusions, hurts and old stuff to bubble up, I think. Even just in a practical way, routines change (eg, no more classes) and bam! too much time to think, too much change, too much stress = rumination.
You'll be alright (or better at least) once a new routine is set up, I'll bet. And of course, one of your important constants can be Babble! :-)
This is the end of the thread.
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