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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tamar on May 17, 2005, at 8:45:16
Tomorrow it will be two months since my final appointment with my ex-T. There’s something about dates that makes things hard, isn’t there?
Finally, after all this time, I wish I’d told him how much I wanted his friendship. I never had the courage to do it before, because I was so afraid that his words of rejection would make me feel suicidal.
And yet now I feel I need to hear it in order to move on.
So I wrote him a letter, which I won’t send to him (because I know he won’t reply), asking him to tell me we can’t be friends. I’d like to post it over on the Writing board. If anyone feels inclined to do a little role playing and reply to it in the role of my ex-T, I’d be delighted.
Sigh.
Tamar
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on May 17, 2005, at 9:45:56
In reply to Ts and trouble (****possible trigger****), posted by Tamar on May 17, 2005, at 8:45:16
Tamar,
I made an attempt, see writing.
Posted by pinkeye on May 17, 2005, at 13:22:28
In reply to Ts and trouble (****possible trigger****), posted by Tamar on May 17, 2005, at 8:45:16
Here is my attempt.
Dear Tamar,
Thanks a lot for your message. I really cherished it and I can understand the caring and affection you have towards me. I was thinking about you and was wondering how you were.
You don't have to hurt yourself over my friendship. You will always be thought of in a warm and nice way, and I like you a lot. I would love to be your friend too.
But that said, there are a few things that I am in charge of and I am required to abide by. I see lots of clients every day, 5 days a week. And so that amounts to about 40 patient hours per week. Amounting for the duplicates, I see about 30 women per week. And I do like many qualities in many of them. There are some I like and some I don't like that much.
But by profession, I am not allowed to make my personal likings or dislikings come into play in therapy. I am supposed to treat everyone perfectly equal and not develop too much of liking or disliking towards anyone.
So you can possibly understand, that following the same logic, I cannot be friends with 30 women at the same time. Or after everyone terminates. It would cause huge issues for my personal well being, and for the well being of the clients.
I understand your offer, and I think very highly of you, but unfortunately, I am not in a position to accept your offer.
But just because you have been my client, doesn't mean I have to rule you out of my life forever. In the future, after sometime, if I happen to run into you in any other circumstance, I will definitely reconsider my stance. That is, if sufficient time has passed, and if you fully recover from all your transference towards me, and I don't think of you as a client anymore.
Just that you have been my client, and that too very recently, doesn't allow me to accept your offer at this point of time.
I hope you understand my stance. But I also want you to know, that you are welcome to write to me. Not everyday, but perhaps once in a quarter. I would like to know what is going on in your life, and I would always be your well wisher. And I can reply most of the times. I may not reply to all of your mails, but I am sure I can reply to some of them.
But you also have to promise, that you will keep up what you learnt in therapy, and will apply it in your life. That you will make all efforts possible to make other friends in real life, and you will keep yourself well, and happy and cheerful. More than anything, that is what I really want. For you to become a full human being. I will be a guide in that process, but I cannot be a copassenger in your journey of life - at this time. I hope you understand.
You have been a very cherished patient, and I will always remember you and think of you. And I do already think of you. I hope that eases your pain.
Wishing you well,
Kind regards
Your ex T.
Posted by pinkeye on May 17, 2005, at 13:28:43
In reply to Re: Ts and trouble (****possible trigger****) » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on May 17, 2005, at 13:22:28
P.S - Don't hurt yourself too much that you never got a chance to talk to me about this. I have understood you always - said or unsaid. If there is anything I don't want, it is you getting hurt over me. That is the worst thing I can do to a client of mine, and though I understand pain at a loss of a relationship is inevitable, I would like you ease yourself off of the pain gently. I miss you too. Take Care.
Posted by Tamar on May 17, 2005, at 16:40:09
In reply to Ts and trouble (****possible trigger****), posted by Tamar on May 17, 2005, at 8:45:16
Thanks you so much for your responses. They made me laugh and cry and ultimately start dealing with reality which, frankly, I didn’t want to do until now.
Miss Honeychurch, I could almost hear my ex-T’s voice. It meant so much to me that I won’t be forgotten and that I can still write from time to time. And yes, the boundaries protect both of us and he has my best interests at heart. It’s good to remember that.
10der, I’m glad it sounded like your ex-T too. I think it’s wonderful that you’re able to reduce contact gradually like that. He sounds wonderful.
Pinkeye, it helped so much to know he might still be thinking about me, and that he didn’t want me to feel too hurt about it, and that he understood me even though I didn’t say it. And that I should do my best to be a full human being. And you’re right: he can’t be friends with everyone because it wouldn’t be fair.
I’m deeply touched by your willingness to respond and by your care for me. Hugs to all of you.
Tamar
Posted by Jazzed on May 18, 2005, at 12:27:11
In reply to Re: Ts and trouble (****possible trigger****) » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on May 17, 2005, at 13:22:28
> Here is my attempt.
>
> Dear Tamar,
>
> Thanks a lot for your message. I really cherished it and I can understand the caring and affection you have towards me. I was thinking about you and was wondering how you were.
>
> You don't have to hurt yourself over my friendship. You will always be thought of in a warm and nice way, and I like you a lot. I would love to be your friend too.
>
> But that said, there are a few things that I am in charge of and I am required to abide by. I see lots of clients every day, 5 days a week. And so that amounts to about 40 patient hours per week. Amounting for the duplicates, I see about 30 women per week. And I do like many qualities in many of them. There are some I like and some I don't like that much.
>
> But by profession, I am not allowed to make my personal likings or dislikings come into play in therapy. I am supposed to treat everyone perfectly equal and not develop too much of liking or disliking towards anyone.
>
> So you can possibly understand, that following the same logic, I cannot be friends with 30 women at the same time. Or after everyone terminates. It would cause huge issues for my personal well being, and for the well being of the clients.
>
> I understand your offer, and I think very highly of you, but unfortunately, I am not in a position to accept your offer.
>
> But just because you have been my client, doesn't mean I have to rule you out of my life forever. In the future, after sometime, if I happen to run into you in any other circumstance, I will definitely reconsider my stance. That is, if sufficient time has passed, and if you fully recover from all your transference towards me, and I don't think of you as a client anymore.
>
> Just that you have been my client, and that too very recently, doesn't allow me to accept your offer at this point of time.
>
> I hope you understand my stance. But I also want you to know, that you are welcome to write to me. Not everyday, but perhaps once in a quarter. I would like to know what is going on in your life, and I would always be your well wisher. And I can reply most of the times. I may not reply to all of your mails, but I am sure I can reply to some of them.
>
> But you also have to promise, that you will keep up what you learnt in therapy, and will apply it in your life. That you will make all efforts possible to make other friends in real life, and you will keep yourself well, and happy and cheerful. More than anything, that is what I really want. For you to become a full human being. I will be a guide in that process, but I cannot be a copassenger in your journey of life - at this time. I hope you understand.
>
> You have been a very cherished patient, and I will always remember you and think of you. And I do already think of you. I hope that eases your pain.
>
> Wishing you well,
> Kind regards
> Your ex T.
>This is really beautiful! Really tugs at the heartstrings. I've read some psychology/therapy fiction, e.g. Lying on the Couch (excellent book btw), and this reminded me of that. Have you considered writing? You definitely have a gift.
Jazzed
Posted by pinkeye on May 18, 2005, at 12:53:30
In reply to Re: Ts and trouble (****possible trigger****) » pinkeye, posted by Jazzed on May 18, 2005, at 12:27:11
This is the end of the thread.
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