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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on May 13, 2005, at 19:53:20
I'm scared. Thought I should mention that, right off the bat.
Anyway, my new T is very into the whole Cognitive Thing. By changing your thought patterns, you will change your mood. And she stops me periodically to assign homework along those cognitive intervention lines.
The problem is, those exercises are so very, very close to what I already do in order to shield myself from my emotions, and distance myself even more from my emotions. That's not what I'm in therapy for, and I can already feel a lot of Bad Feelings coming up, stronger and stronger.
She's still taking a very detailed history from me, and we haven't yet gotten even to the part where I tell her what I'm looking for out of therapy. I know that I need to talk to her about this, and I know that I need to do it soon, but I'm not sure how.
For one thing, I'm afraid -- damn, there's a pattern emerging here, isn't there? -- I'm afraid that she will see it as me simply being resistant to therapy, resistant to doing the work, resistant to authority, whatever. That very much frightens me! When I think of saying something like, "The cognitive interventions are very helpful, and they are certainly effective -- but I don't think they're what I need, because I use such similar things to block my moods already," I'm afraid that that will just look like, "Yes -- BUT"
Can anyone offer any advice?
Thanks.
Posted by Dinah on May 13, 2005, at 20:41:27
In reply to How to address concerns about T with T?, posted by Racer on May 13, 2005, at 19:53:20
I don't know if I have any good advice.
This is the topic that began to sink the boat with biofeedback guy. I let him know I'd been going to therapy for years with someone who did a lot of CBT, and while I thought CBT was helpful, I didn't need the beginners guide to it.
His response was that this is the way he did therapy. Period.
So my advice, however horrible it may appear from that abortive short lived relationship, is to be as honest as possible, while still being polite, friendly, and open. This is one of those moments that begins to define a relationship. If there's going to be a problem, isn't it better to know it sooner rather than later?
Posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2005, at 0:28:37
In reply to How to address concerns about T with T?, posted by Racer on May 13, 2005, at 19:53:20
Yeah Racer, I agree with Dinah.
Some therapists only do something along the lines of cognitive restructuring.
That is what they are trained in and that is what they consider to be their area of expertise.If your t is of that way of thinking then you are best to find this out sooner rather than later so that you can move on.
I have seen many therapists of that orientation.
I battled on with them because there wasn't any other alternative.
I thought I might be able to bring them around.
But I couldn't.
If I had options...
Then I guess I've learned to believe them when they say 'this is how I do therapy'.
Good to find that out sooner rather than later.By the way...
I agree with your problems with it.
I hate it.
It makes me worse.They do tend to interpret any problems with the approach as 'resistance'.
It doesn't help to be judged or blamed.
Might be time to move on...
Posted by gardenergirl on May 14, 2005, at 14:04:08
In reply to Re: How to address concerns about T with T? » Racer, posted by alexandra_k on May 14, 2005, at 0:28:37
She might view it as a sign that you are truly engaged in therapy and joined with her in trying to reach your goals. She might appreciate the feedback, and if she is at all eclectic, she might change her style.
I'm a bit surprised at the detail of the history...HOW MANY sessions has this been? Perhpas this IS the therapy. You might also ask her to give you an idea of the "big picture" of her therapy style...what are the stages or phases, etc. What are her most used techniques?
Remember that you are the one who is responding to her interventions. You are the one in therapy. Your feelings and reactions are valid and true. You SHOULD share them with her. How she interprets them is out of your control, but will be a good piece of data in evaluating your experinence.
Keep us posted.
gg
Posted by daisym on May 14, 2005, at 14:14:06
In reply to How to address concerns about T with T?, posted by Racer on May 13, 2005, at 19:53:20
Good to see you here...
We are alike in this -- we already know how to structure our thoughts, it is living with the feelings that is so tough. And they eat away the insides, leaving a hollow, fragile shell.
I'd tell her. I'd tell her that she is making things worse. She needs to know that. If she can move into the feelings, she'll let you know. She might be going slow to build trust, so that she learns your triggers and how you think.
You are a very smart lady. I think what you wrote about what you want to say is a great start. Can you answer the question: "What DO you want from therapy?" It seems important. I don't see it as resistance at all. Just truth.
But, boy, truth is hard, isn't it?
Let us know how it goes. I miss you here.
Daisy
Posted by pinkeye on May 15, 2005, at 19:23:55
In reply to How to address concerns about T with T?, posted by Racer on May 13, 2005, at 19:53:20
I think if you tell her your concerns, a good T will be able to find out if you are simply being resistant, or you are trying to get more out of the time with her. That is, if she has common sense. If she doesn't there is no point in going to her anyway. So anyway you look at it, you get to gain.
Or atleast ask her why she is so interested in teaching you things which you are already doing? Is she aware that you are already doing it? Or perhaps she thinks you are doing it in a wrong way, and you need to learn the right way of applying CBT.
But talk to her - that is what you are there for. Simply holding it back is of no use to you.
Posted by Jazzed on May 17, 2005, at 20:47:47
In reply to On the other hand, posted by gardenergirl on May 14, 2005, at 14:04:08
> She might view it as a sign that you are truly engaged in therapy and joined with her in trying to reach your goals. She might appreciate the feedback, and if she is at all eclectic, she might change her style.
>
> I'm a bit surprised at the detail of the history...HOW MANY sessions has this been? Perhpas this IS the therapy. You might also ask her to give you an idea of the "big picture" of her therapy style...what are the stages or phases, etc. What are her most used techniques?
>
> Remember that you are the one who is responding to her interventions. You are the one in therapy. Your feelings and reactions are valid and true. You SHOULD share them with her. How she interprets them is out of your control, but will be a good piece of data in evaluating your experinence.
>
> Keep us posted.
>
> ggThis is excellent advice. I think I'd just think it over, get my courage up, and next appt. just jump right in there with something like, "before we go any further in therapy....."
That way you're not too far in, or too emotionally invested if you need to move on.I called a therapist for my daughter today, and she only does CBT, but I figured that's okay for my daughter who just needs to learn some coping mechanisms for some teen-aged anxiety. It would not be what I would want for myself though.
Jazzed
Posted by sunny10 on May 18, 2005, at 8:13:00
In reply to Re: On the other hand, posted by Jazzed on May 17, 2005, at 20:47:47
but, Jazzed, what is the underlying reason that she is anxious about things that many others just "get through"...
My son is in therapy, too. Because he's got a couple of confused parents and now he doubts his own abilities to cope with things... it's low self-esteem... I would like him to see himself as a strong person, capable of geting through anything.
I don't care whether he can get through the day at school without getting into trouble. I just want to make sure that he doesn't end up like me or his father- only managing to even figure out that we have "issues" after ruining the first thirty-some (me) (forty-some for his father)years of our lives...
If you don't like CBT for yourself, you will probably not like it for your child, either...
Posted by Dinah on May 18, 2005, at 8:23:13
In reply to Re: On the other hand » Jazzed, posted by sunny10 on May 18, 2005, at 8:13:00
Not necessarily true. My son is doing CBT based play therapy and I'm delighted. He's a bright kid with no major problems. He just tries to be too good, and like many only children, doesn't really understand what on earth his peers are thinking.
His play therapist gives him specific coping techniques for when things get too much for him. And also acts as interpreter for what other kids might be thinking.
She's sort of like a teacher for him.
Of course, I didn't really mind CBT exactly. I thought it had value. I just also thought it had limitations.
Posted by Jazzed on May 18, 2005, at 11:26:31
In reply to Re: On the other hand » Jazzed, posted by sunny10 on May 18, 2005, at 8:13:00
> but, Jazzed, what is the underlying reason that she is anxious about things that many others just "get through"...
>
> My son is in therapy, too. Because he's got a couple of confused parents and now he doubts his own abilities to cope with things... it's low self-esteem... I would like him to see himself as a strong person, capable of geting through anything.
>
> I don't care whether he can get through the day at school without getting into trouble. I just want to make sure that he doesn't end up like me or his father- only managing to even figure out that we have "issues" after ruining the first thirty-some (me) (forty-some for his father)years of our lives...
>
> If you don't like CBT for yourself, you will probably not like it for your child, either...Good point Sunny,
I guess all I was really saying was it might be easier to just jump right in there and speak up at the next session, rather than waiting until the therapist begins. (I find that if I start right off being up front it's easier in the long run, but if I hold back I tend to be more shy.) That way it's out in the open, and if the therapist sees it as resistance she can just tell her she's not into CBT. Better to know now than be months into therapy and want to switch therapists. I hope I'm not missing the point here. If I am please forgive me, I have trouble thinking.
I just told the woman who we're meeting for therapy next week that I'm not looking for CBT. She said she could tailor therapy to our needs. We'll see. My shrink, on the other hand, is very directive, shoots straight from the hip, and doesn't miss anything. Kinda scary, but good too.
Jazzed
Posted by sunny10 on May 18, 2005, at 11:38:01
In reply to Re: On the other hand » sunny10, posted by Dinah on May 18, 2005, at 8:23:13
but you nailed it on the head- your son DIDN'T have any major problems...
I was only suggesting that if Jazzed's daughter seemed to have other issues that CBT might not be the answer.
CBT is a wonderful tool for those who simply need to learn copking skills- I would never dispute that point at all!
Thanks for "maiking" me clarify... sometimes my logic runs in circles and I forget points that should be added... I appreciate the "nudge" !!!
Posted by Jazzed on May 19, 2005, at 7:31:54
In reply to Re: On the other hand, Jazzed also read... » Dinah, posted by sunny10 on May 18, 2005, at 11:38:01
>
> I was only suggesting that if Jazzed's daughter seemed to have other issues that CBT might not be the answer.
>
> CBT is a wonderful tool for those who simply need to learn copking skills- I would never dispute that point at all!Thanks Dinah,
My daughter is ADD and has some anxiety issues. Other than that she's doing well. That's why I thought the CBT would work well for her too. She just needs to learn some effective coping skills, and we wanted something very short term. I don't know if CBT is what she had before, I'd guess it is, since she learned skills and it was short term. That was a few years ago, now it's brush up time.
Jazzed
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