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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on May 16, 2005, at 14:28:36
After participating so much in this board for the past 3 months, I have come to the following conclusion.
Most people in this board are very smart, wonderful, very good people basically.
So why is it they are suffering so much? It is all becuase of unjustified guilt and shame and taking things upon themselves which they shouldn't be doing.
People in this board and just trying to be more good than the others, more responsible, and more nice than people I meet in real world. And it is precisely this quality that makes them suffer mentally a lot more.
Lots of us have taken more responsibility than we should, more blame on ourselves, more guilt on ourselves. And undeserving of good things.
More than any particular trait, I see this in lot of people.
I think when people go beyond their limits to judge themselves, criticize themselves, and take more guilt and blame - that is when we get really depressed.
Any thoughts? People agree?
Posted by Shortelise on May 16, 2005, at 14:48:02
In reply to Problem with lot of people on this board., posted by pinkeye on May 16, 2005, at 14:28:36
I, for one, am just trying to live a life worth living, trying to be as gentle with myself and the world around me as I can be.
Until I went through years of therapy, I didn't understand how badly I was treating myself and others.
Now I understand better.
I write here because this is a place where I can get and give support. Where I can sometimes find or give comfort. Both make me feel better.
I can do these things here because it feels safe. I don't think anyone here is going to attack me, say mean things to or about me, or hurt me in any way. I can be open and caring. In the real world, there are few places like this.
ShortE
Posted by pinkeye on May 16, 2005, at 14:57:17
In reply to superiority of Babble » pinkeye, posted by Shortelise on May 16, 2005, at 14:48:02
I might have come across wrongly in my previous post.
I didn't mean that people in babble should start behaving badly or hurt others more.
What I meant was, that people here seem to treat their own selves at a much higher standards than what is normal in real world. That they have problems with forgiving themselves. That they think they should be responsible for everything. That they think they need to feel guilty. Many times I find people here have done 2 - 3 times the work of a normal person should do, but yet, think of themselves as not being good enough. That people here seem to have gone above and beyond to take care of other people in their real lives, and yet blame themselves.
I might be totally wrong - just an observation.
Posted by Dinah on May 16, 2005, at 16:38:54
In reply to Problem with lot of people on this board., posted by pinkeye on May 16, 2005, at 14:28:36
Well, I've got only child syndrome. But not too bad a case after all these years of therapy.
I always just see it as some not so very good wiring on my part. There are even some little neurological things. The insulation around my wires is frayed, things might not have been perfectly configured to begin with.
I'll never be "all better". I can't go back and change my genes or fix whatever went wrong in utero.
But with therapy and medication to reduce the stressors in my life, I can live as good a life as possible - just like with any other chronic condition.
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 16, 2005, at 16:56:00
In reply to Problem with lot of people on this board., posted by pinkeye on May 16, 2005, at 14:28:36
Hi Pinkeye,
i totally agree with you.
I think there are so many people in the world who never ever think about others and who only do things for others to gain for themselves.
It really makes me angry and I see too much of it.
I think I feel more deeply than others, to an extreme even. Its weird I feel others pain in a way. That is tormenting, things I read here or see on the streets/news or even the movies. Im haunted. But others seem unaffected by stuff like that.
there are so many people who are just soo into themselves it is almost a joke. It annoys me so much. Of course we are all into ourselves a littel but never ever helping another or extending yourself a little ....well....I dunno.
I have always been more in tune with others emotions and I seem to sense things and I always want to help. If I can do something I will. But have been hurt many times because of it.
So a longwinded response to your post is I totally agree and I wish I had an ice heart because I despise this quality in me!! It is not valued in society and it prevents me from doing what I want and fully enjoying things. It also makes me feel weak and depressed at times. I dont like feeling weak at all. I think I successfully hide the extent of it though. People who can separate themselves from others I do envy. It keeps them sane. And that is the differnece I think. The lack of intense sensitivity. But, I am actively trying to change me and become a tougher person :)LOL not mean though.
Just had to get that out :-)
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 16, 2005, at 17:06:46
In reply to Re: Problem with lot of people on this board. » pinkeye, posted by rainbowbrite on May 16, 2005, at 16:56:00
I just read a post that hit a sore nerve for me.
There is nothing wrong with being into your self and it is a quality I really do envy. Just wanted to clarify....that is why I think some people suffer more with emotional issues...they are too sensitive to others.
Posted by happyflower on May 16, 2005, at 17:57:21
In reply to Problem with lot of people on this board., posted by pinkeye on May 16, 2005, at 14:28:36
Maybe the reason we are so wonderful is because we admit we have problems and are seeking help for them. Plus it feels good to talk to people who understand what we are going through. A lot of people are just happy being angry and unhappy without any nerve to change. I think we all want to change for the better. It takes hard work to repair damage we have endured. The people that scare me are the people who don't thing there is anything wrong with them ( like my mother). I don't know if I am making any sense at all tonight, what was the question again? I guess I am just nervous because I see my T tommorrow.
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 16, 2005, at 19:12:47
In reply to sorry for my little rant, posted by rainbowbrite on May 16, 2005, at 17:06:46
my whole post came out wrong. And my explaining post came out even more wrong. I just reread it totally different than I meant it. Oh well.
Posted by daisym on May 16, 2005, at 20:05:46
In reply to Re: sorry for my little rant, posted by rainbowbrite on May 16, 2005, at 19:12:47
I think you are wrong, Pinkeye. I think most people feel sadness, remorse, frustration, anger and helplessness at times, about themselves and their situations. It is just that Babble allows us the freedom to really express how bad we feel sometimes, how much guilt or self-blame we feel. It simply isn't allowed IRL. You say, "I feel so bad about X" and immediately everyone tells you, "don't feel bad. Look on the bright side..." OR they try to convince you that your guilt is unfounded and you eventually smile and nod your head and they feel better about making you feel better. But really, all you've done is stopped talking about how you really feel. We don't do that to each other here, at least not much.
Being overly sensitive might be part of the problem. But I think the people who gravitate towards Babble are in touch with their feelings and can articulate their inner thoughts more freely. Or maybe we just have a need to try and do this.
I don't think I can shrug my shoulders and honestly tell myself, "well, I was just a little girl. Wasn't my fault." Deep down inside I DO feel guilty and I wonder what part I had to play in the whole mess. The best thing about being able to say those things here is that some people nod their head "yes" and empathize with these feelings. I'm not alone. I don't have to intellectualize. I can just feel bad. (or sad or whatever) I feel the support and hugs and understanding. And I give back when I can. And not 'cause the other person is looking at me like "oh, God, what do I say now to make her all better?"
Babble doesn't insist that anyone feel all better. But we celebrate when someone does.
Aren't we lucky to have found each other??
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 16, 2005, at 20:18:46
In reply to Freedom in Anonymity, posted by daisym on May 16, 2005, at 20:05:46
Im going to try this one more time LOL. have you not noticed that people who suffer from mental illness are more in tune with others' emotions? or the coldness out there? I have always seen a kinder side in people who suffer. Maybe the caring comes becaseu of suffering?? it could be a chicken and egg thing I guess. maybe i am totally wrong. It just seems like the less you care about others the easier life is.
Posted by Dinah on May 16, 2005, at 20:26:49
In reply to Re: Freedom in Anonymity » daisym, posted by rainbowbrite on May 16, 2005, at 20:18:46
I think those that are content on the surface of life tend to be happier in general. My husband and my brother wouldn't know what to do with themselves in therapy, but they are both relatively happy. Surprisingly so to me. They take life as it comes.
My husband at least is totally unable to read anything that isn't really obvious. We once went to a friend's house and it was so obvious to me that they had just had a huge fight. The air was heavy with it. I ended the evening relatively early, and found out my husband hadn't a clue that anything was wrong. Shortly thereafter my friend divorced, and he told me "Remember that night you two came over? We just had the biggest fight..." Yet my husband is not only happy, he's also successful socially. Apparently blindness to that sort of thing might be a social asset.
But I think the unhappiest people are the people who can't live on the surface, who are very sensitive and inwardly turned, yet who don't seek help. My Dad was one of those people. He just drank to make life bearable. And when his body gave out and he couldn't drink anymore, he was just miserable. If he hadn't thought so badly of psychology, maybe he could have had a better life.
Just my musings on the topic.
Posted by Shortelise on May 16, 2005, at 21:04:16
In reply to Problem with lot of people on this board., posted by pinkeye on May 16, 2005, at 14:28:36
Pinkeye, my response was a response to what you wrote - whether or not your ideas came out as you meant them.
Did you mean, are we particularly sensitive? I think that could be true.
Do we take on more emotionally than others do and that makes us a little nuts? Could be. I think some of us here suffered some very nasty things at the hands of others, and in trying to straighten out that mess, we have to look into our own hearts and make sure things are tidy there too.
That's us, the mental Good Housekeeping people! :-)
Pinkeye, this is a very interesting topic, evenif it isn't the one that you meant to introduce!
(PE)
ShortE
Posted by happyflower on May 16, 2005, at 22:20:07
In reply to Problem with lot of people on this board., posted by pinkeye on May 16, 2005, at 14:28:36
I don't know if this has anything to do with what you are talking about but my T says that people who have been abused as kids are hyper sensitive with people and their surroundings. We had to use our instincts to protect us, which as adults it makes us read things in people that others don't tend to notice. I see this as a good thing, but it could also be negative if we always see faults in others and it prevents us from forming bonds with people because we are too sensitive and scared of being harmed. Thats why we are always on to our T's ! lol They can't get away with anything! lol
Posted by Tamar on May 17, 2005, at 4:16:21
In reply to Problem with lot of people on this board., posted by pinkeye on May 16, 2005, at 14:28:36
I’m sure I read somewhere – maybe in one of Dorothy Rowe’s books – that people who become depressed are good people. Those who don’t want to be good don’t get depressed; depression comes about because we want to be good but feel we are failing, usually because we’ve set ourselves impossibly high standards. That made a lot of sense to me.
Posted by B2chica on May 17, 2005, at 9:17:26
In reply to Freedom in Anonymity, posted by daisym on May 16, 2005, at 20:05:46
Posted by B2chica on May 17, 2005, at 9:21:54
In reply to you said it daisy! (nm) » daisym, posted by B2chica on May 17, 2005, at 9:17:26
i didn't mean where daisy said you were wrong but the second half about child sensitivity. i think this is what you were originally pointing to right?
that the people here have a natural sensitivity, a gentleness/kindness towards others in pain-because of what they themselves are enduring. a sense of community with other 'sensitives' and 'intuitives'.
-sorry for the misunderstanding.
thanks
b2c.
Posted by 10derHeart on May 17, 2005, at 11:22:36
In reply to Re: Problem with lot of people on this board. » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 17, 2005, at 4:16:21
Hmmm, I think Scott Peck said much the same in a different way in one of his books...later I'll have to go find what I'm thinking of...
Shouldn't be too hard as they are all marked up with asterisks and such. I find a LOT of awesome thoughts and ideas in his writing - things that make so much sense, are comforting and put stuff we suffer through in perspective.
Posted by Poet on May 17, 2005, at 19:07:59
In reply to Freedom in Anonymity, posted by daisym on May 16, 2005, at 20:05:46
This is the end of the thread.
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