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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lonelygal on December 14, 2004, at 21:36:21
i want my old therapist back. waaahhh... it's been months and months now, but it still sucks and its not fair. and i'll never see her ever again and she doesn't care and i'm stupid for caring so much. why can't i grow up and be self-sufficient and stop wanting caring from someone and learn to just suck it up and go on ? i'm not a kid, i'm a grownup now and i shouldn't need or want anything. yuck i suck :(
Posted by Joslynn on December 14, 2004, at 21:54:26
In reply to i'm a crybaby, posted by lonelygal on December 14, 2004, at 21:36:21
You are not a cry baby just because you cry out for love!
I think that grownups want to be cared for too. Maybe that wasn't the right T but there are still other Ts and other people who can care for you.
The feelings are very deep though, I know.
Posted by lonelygal on December 16, 2004, at 21:49:07
In reply to Re: i'm a crybaby, posted by Joslynn on December 14, 2004, at 21:54:26
thanks Joslynn.
you're really sweet.
Posted by daisym on December 17, 2004, at 0:11:54
In reply to i'm a crybaby, posted by lonelygal on December 14, 2004, at 21:36:21
My therapist would tell you that wanting to be cared for is part of being human and is as important as breathing and sleeping. It has nothing to do with being grown up or not. It is really hard to just "deal" when you don't have anyone to lean on at times. I'm an expert on this, so you can believe me.
I'm sorry you miss your old therapist so much. I can imagine how much it must hurt when you've trusted someone so much, allowed them to care for you and now you don't have that anymore. Ouch! I hope you find what you need soon.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by lonelygal on December 17, 2004, at 17:04:10
In reply to Re: i'm a crybaby » lonelygal, posted by daisym on December 17, 2004, at 0:11:54
what's the worst is i feel like everything was all made up in my head, that she never cared, that i imagined things, that she hates me now, and that noone cares and i'm all alone in this world.
everything just really sucks and i keep thinking about umm, offing myself too.
i've tried seeing 2 new therapists after this first one (i moved cross country). one i've only seen twice rather recently. one i had seen for a couple months. they aren't the same as old t. i can't call in a crisis like i used to be able to with the old one, if it's not in the hour you pay for, she just doesn't care to hear about it or be there for you. i think she hates me or at least doesn't care. i feel like i'm apparently trying to be such a huge burden and she would have nothing to do with it.
i dunno. i don't know how i'm going to make it any longer. noone cares though. not really even me anymore.
Posted by shrinking violet on December 17, 2004, at 17:43:13
In reply to Re: i'm a crybaby » daisym, posted by lonelygal on December 17, 2004, at 17:04:10
((((((((((LG))))))))))
I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. I can only imagine how much it hurts to miss your old T, and it's ok to miss her. And if you really believed everything you shared with her was false, then you probably wouldn't be missing her so much right now. You miss her because you're missing the caring and connection she gave you, and the help she just started to give you. I know T in general is something you're questioning, but please at least think about staying in T with one of them until you're a bit more free to go "T shopping" and find one who will make a better fit to you. You found your old T once, you know what sort of T that you need, and you can find another one like her if you give it a chance and some time, and keep looking.
You know I'm here for you. And I care. :-)SV
Posted by daisym on December 17, 2004, at 18:59:57
In reply to Re: i'm a crybaby, posted by shrinking violet on December 17, 2004, at 17:43:13
There is nothing worse than feeling alone. I've said this many times. There is immense pain in remembering stuff, but the deal-breaker is the loneliness. I think you have to hang on minute by minute.
I'm pretty sure that your feelings right now are coloring your memories of how much your therapist cared for you and how real your relationship was. It is OK to miss her. But you need to also allow a connection to another to form. It doesn't sound like you've found the right one yet.
Maybe this weekend you could do something that provides some nurturing for your soul. If you can swing it, go to a senior citizen's home and read Christmas stories or sing songs. These people will appreciate every part of you. You need to know that you matter.
You matter here and to me.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by 10derheart on December 17, 2004, at 23:34:09
In reply to Re: i'm a crybaby, posted by lonelygal on December 16, 2004, at 21:49:07
You are no crybaby. You are a human being feeling genuine feelings. Please, please stay safe and in touch with any T. or find another way to be sure you don't hurt yourself. I'm worried for you. Can you go to the hospital or call someone if it ever gets really bad? I can hear the pain and I have been there. I know how it feels to be desparately lonely. Really I do. The key is to not isolate yourself. Like Daisy said, you have to connect with people. In my experience, it almost doesn't matter which people or how you do it. Volunteer, church, work, a gym, absolutely anything where you are with others, sharing a look, a smile, a word and it will feel a tiny bit better each and every time. So slowly maybe, but I absolutely swear to you it will. I lived in quite a bit of isolation for many years and it's no way to stay. We just weren't created to be alone. But it happens, through circumstances in and out of our control. I know.
Anyone who can feel so deeply for their old T. as you do,is a loving, giving person who would make a great friend and new therapy client. Hang in there and try to catch yourself if you notice you're spending a lot of time lost in thought about the past. It's so very natural, but too much eats away at your soul. I do about anything to distract myself and find that one day goes easier without so much sad thinking. I don't to make it sound esy, but it can be done. It doesn't have to stay so lonely.
Let us know of anything we can do to help and please keep posting. ((((((LG)))))
Why don't you let us know how you feel tomorrow, okay? I care, too. --10derheart (aka Deb)
Posted by lonelygal on December 19, 2004, at 23:28:06
In reply to I care! » shrinking violet, posted by daisym on December 17, 2004, at 18:59:57
just wanted to say thanks daisy for your post. it really meant a lot to me. i think you are right about my feelings coloring my memories, but it is sort of easier to think that she does hate me and that's why she is gone then to think that she did care, but that she was easily able to abandon me (even though i know she didn't really abandon me- she was a grad student who graduated and i also moved away).. it just feels like she abandoned me... and that she is so easily able to forget about me.. and that makes me feel even more dumb that i care so much... i guess it just sucks.
This is the end of the thread.
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