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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexis6 on September 24, 2004, at 19:50:27
Oh, lord....I feel so incredibly stupid about this, but I really feel like I have to get this out. I don't remember the last time I did something so juvenile.
My therapist had terminated my therapy in an email a few weeks ago out of the blue, and my new T had told me it was most likely excessive sexual countertransference and he couldn't deal with it. This had really, really bothered me because I didn't actually have much in the way of feelings towards him, he was pretty bland, and I started to think OMG could I have been flirting with him and not known, etc. I'm also still pretty angry that he refused to tell me anything about the termination aside from that it was "necessary".
He called the other day for my address to send me my files (I bet that was a call he dreaded making), fortunately I was at school, so he left a message requesting that I leave it and my consent on his machine. I don't know WHAT came over me, but after I did so, I told him that I had discussed the termination with my new T, and wanted to clear up a misunderstanding for "closure purposes".
It just sort of came out. I told him that I was confused about his ending therapy because I hadn't thought he was "playing on my team", so to speak, so it had never occured to me that the reason for the termination might have been that he thought I had sexual interest in him.
Don't get me wrong, I love gay men, (and he's got a bit of that voice, so it probably hit a sore spot). But I can't even believe I said that. OMG I am such a child sometimes....I just want this to be done and over and to never have anything to do with him again....
Posted by Racer on September 24, 2004, at 20:09:59
In reply to Terrible confession, posted by alexis6 on September 24, 2004, at 19:50:27
Heavens! What a terrible thing to do! You must be the only person ever to do such a thing, how could you?
OK, now that I've gotten that out, shall I tell you a story to match it? I was giving my telephone number to a fellow I really, really wanted to go out with years back, who stuck it on the back of his drivers license -- right on the organ donor's card. We were standing with a male friend of mine at the time. This hunky guy said something about the hospital calling me if he was in an accident that night, and I replied -- without a thought in my head -- "Oh, do you have any organs I want?"
Took ages to recover, of course.
Then there are all the times I've left the perfect message for that agency from hell -- only to find myself so worked up that I start to run off at the mouth and ruin it all. Or when someone asks me about my drinking -- well, it's something I always worry about, for a lot of reasons, but the short answer is that I drink one or two glasses of wine on holidays with my family, and sometimes go out for a beer with friends. Machts nichts, I still spend half an hour trying to answer accurately, and just feel like a fool.
We all find ourselves saying things we don't mean to at times, and in this case you've got a perfect right to do so. Something traumatic happened to you, caused by the very bad judgement of someone in a position of trust in your life. If you had attacked him in some way in your message, or if you had begged him to take you back, those would be bad things. Saying that you're having a difficult time with closure, though, is true and is fine. Even saying that you had gotten the impression that he was gay is fine, as long as it's true.
Here is your Absolution from Racer. You have committed no sin, and may go forth without guilt.
Posted by alexis6 on September 24, 2004, at 20:32:00
In reply to Re: Terrible confession, posted by Racer on September 24, 2004, at 20:09:59
Ha ha thanks Racer, that was hilarious. I know I'm making a big deal out of this, but I just did it yesterday and haven't recovered from the stupidity yet. I felt like I'd been possessed! It is true though, I thought at first that he was, which actually made me feel more comfortable around him. I'm looking forward to telling my new T....
Posted by tryingtobewise on September 25, 2004, at 15:56:52
In reply to Terrible confession, posted by alexis6 on September 24, 2004, at 19:50:27
I know you feel terrible, and this probably won't be helpful at all...but I think it is pretty funny. I lurk a lot & read your post a while back about the termination, & I don't think this VM of yours is that bad considering. He gets what he gets when he didn't bother to provide you with any explanation for termination!!!
Try not to worry about it.
:)
Kim
This is the end of the thread.
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