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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rs on June 8, 2004, at 18:56:12
Read much but do not post often. Not sure why. Your guys are the best. Anyway all I can say is WOW. Firs let me say that attend a support group on Friday evenings for gambling. When leaving therapy today there was a girl from the group waitng to be seen. UGH. Always felt that would never want to see a therapist that is also seeing someone I know. Was leaving all red eye and we just stared at each other. I know she must of been just as uncomfortable. I do not want to share my therapist with anyone I know. My stomach is turning. Paranoid that they talked about this. This is bad. Do not want to go back to therapy Firs of all dealing with very much heavy stuff. This is not a good time for this to happen. Am I being crazy? Please anyone any thoughts on this. Thanks to all of you
Posted by fallsfall on June 8, 2004, at 19:27:48
In reply to Any thoughts, posted by rs on June 8, 2004, at 18:56:12
No, rs, you are not crazy.
You are certainly not the only patient who doesn't want to share her therapist. And I certainly can relate to not looking presentable when I leave a session. I don't want to see ANYONE - least of all someone who I will need to face socially at some other time. You can talk about his other patient with him. I think that what you are experiencing is really rather common.
You DO want to go back to therapy. Your therapist is really good and you need him. You are working on hard stuff - good for you! Don't give up, you can keep pushing through it, and he'll help you get to the other side. You've worked really hard to get this far, but from what I've seen, it has been worth it.
I'll be cheering for you,
Falls.
Posted by rs on June 8, 2004, at 19:39:42
In reply to Re: Any thoughts » rs, posted by fallsfall on June 8, 2004, at 19:27:48
How I miss talking with you. Remember you supported me from the beginning with this therapist. Oh I will never forget you for that. I know I need it but this is so confusing. Just that sessions have been extremely hard lately and yes doing very difficult work. Again thanks for the support and miss ya. Lots of hugs my friend. Hope all is going well with you
Posted by fayeroe on June 8, 2004, at 20:21:44
In reply to Re: Any thoughts » fallsfall, posted by rs on June 8, 2004, at 19:39:42
Your therapist will not divulge anything to another patient about your therapy. I understand about your feeling uncomfortable but hang in there and continue the good work with him/her.
Posted by shadows721 on June 9, 2004, at 0:36:49
In reply to Any thoughts, posted by rs on June 8, 2004, at 18:56:12
I had a friend that saw the same therapist. I saw this therapist, because my friend was really impressed with her therapist. We discussed our views about the therapist together. What bothered me was my friend had left toys and notebooks all over the therapist's office. I saw other clients work in the therapist's office as well. I didn't like it all. I felt that the other clients were invading my turf. I couldn't focus. I would get angry a lot. The therapist would ask me about my friend. It just seemed like the boundaries were getting blurred, so I decided to get a new therapist. I am glad I did.
Posted by Wildflower on June 9, 2004, at 15:07:52
In reply to Any thoughts, posted by rs on June 8, 2004, at 18:56:12
Hi RS.
I think it's very common not to want to be seen entering or exiting a T's office. My T has offered to meet me down the hall or even in the ladies bathroom if I begin to get uncomfortable waiting in a room with other people. She also lets me *escape* through a back door so that I don't have to go out through the waiting room. Is this an option for you?
Posted by rs on June 9, 2004, at 16:16:54
In reply to Re: Any thoughts » rs, posted by Wildflower on June 9, 2004, at 15:07:52
Thanks for all you support. Emailed T yesterday and he called. He said that this person which I knew is working on being a therapist so she needs once a month supervison. Which I do not understand because I know what kind of work she does and its not really a therapist. So I asked him if he shares infor about his clients and he said no. How can someone supervise and not use examples. Whatever. Just do not like it and I know this is my issue which I told him. Thanks for all that replied. Really appreciate and again your all the best.
Posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2004, at 7:16:05
In reply to Re: Any thoughts, posted by rs on June 9, 2004, at 16:16:54
I'm really impressed with how you are handling this, rs. Keep talking to him about it - I really think that it will help. I'm glad that he will discuss it with you.
Good luck!
Posted by rs on June 12, 2004, at 6:33:55
In reply to Re: Any thoughts » rs, posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2004, at 7:16:05
Hi My Friend. Talked about it yesteray in session. He says he understands why I would feel that way. But also really do not think he agrees that people could feel like that. I told him IMO that there might be many of his clients if they have a therapy relationship with him would feel the same. He kinda of disagreed. He said that his clients refer there friends to him. At that point I was not going to argue with him but still feel strongly about my opinion. Honeslty do you think clients would feel it to be an issue for people they know to see the same therapist? Your usaully honest with me. If anyone else reads this please share your opinion. I should take a poll and bring in to him. lol. He would probably think that if everyone was like me he would be poor. But the most important thing is that I must continue to trust him. Yes that is hard right now. Think because of all the issues dealing with which you know about is difficult with this. It simply amazes me how he does not give up on me. No matter what he is still there and comitted. Keep on testing which is sad. But did warn him that I was a difficult person but he disagrees. I actually looked at him and said I do not want to share my therapist with someone I know. Told him to tell me he was impressed that I said that. He did but probably to shut me up. Want a laugh? This is what he would like me to do. Just picture this one. Go have a tshirt printed and on the front have it say "It's Over" and the back "They Are Dead" Right like I would wear something like that. lol. He says that will help when parts are stuck in the past. Anyway know this is long and thanks again. How are you doing? Remember all the chats we used to have. I will again never forget your support you gave me with this therapist. If it was not for you would of given up. Your a remarkable person who deserves much happiness. Think I also told you how when you sent my old T adress to me. That I called him one day and it was ok and can call him anytime. Well many hugs
Posted by fallsfall on June 12, 2004, at 8:39:36
In reply to Re: Any thoughts » fallsfall, posted by rs on June 12, 2004, at 6:33:55
I was much more territorial about my first therapist than I am about my current one. I was often jealous that she was spending time with other people and giving them the attention that I wanted so badly. My current therapist sees me 3 times a week, and has never been annoyed if I called between sessions. Perhaps I feel that he is giving me what I need, so it is OK for him to give other people what they need, too. I think that I felt that my first therapist was always frustrating my needs - that she made me constantly want more because she wasn't giving me enough.
My understanding of therapists seeing people who know each other is that a therapist should be free to make decisions that are always and only in your best interest. If there are two people who interact socially who see the same therapist, then if there is a conflict between the two people the therapist can't act in both people's best interest at the same time. I would think that that situation would also possibly leave the therapist with an unbiased view of a patient (because the therapist has heard descriptions of the patient from someone else).
A third possibility is that you are afraid that he will reveal your private information to her. I can understand why this would be scary - but he really has shown in the past that he is a good therapist, and good therapists (I believe) have internalized the understanding that what is said in session must always be held in confidence. There have been twice when my therapist has mentioned other patients (presumably to show that my issues are not unusual). Both times it has seemed to me like he had just talked to them on the phone and hadn't quite switched over to my concerns. But he never said anything specific (one woman's daughter didn't want to come for Thanksgiving) that would make me think that he would reveal anything about me to his other patients. I can see how *knowing* another patient would make it more difficult, whenever he mentioned "a" patient, I would wonder if it was her - and I would assume that she would wonder the same thing.
It sounds like your issue is more related to the first or third, rather than the second. That you are jealous or feeling exposed, rather than afraid that he won't be impartial. This sounds completely reasonable to me. I would think that it could be a good goal to get to a point where sharing your therapist is not painful. I certainly don't think you are alone!
I'm so glad that you have found someone who can let you experience the feeling of not being given up on. It is such a powerful gift - they give us the chance to truly be who we are, without having to worry that we will drive them away. There is no other way that I can see that would allow me to be as open and honest - and it is STILL hard to be open and honest, even when I know that he won't leave me.
The Tshirt idea is a bit surprising. No, I can't imagine you actually wearing it. But *owning* it might not be such a bad thing. Get it oversized and wear it for pajamas. A friend said that she had a dream of me recently - I was comforting her and reassuring her that the abuse would never happen again. Perhaps this is what he is hoping that you will be able to see - that it DID happen, and it was HORRIBLE that it did happen, but that it WON'T happen again (both because they are dead, and because you are older and stronger and more aware of your rights as a person). Perhaps he wants you to be able to spend more time living your life from now on, and less time protecting yourself. Your life IS different now. The people you see every day ARE different. Have you chosen people to be in your life who are trustworthy, and who will not abuse you? If not, then change your social circle!!! If you have, though - and it has sounded to me like your current environment is not dangerous (I could, of course be wrong, but that's how it has sounded to me) - then you can spend more time living the rest of your life, and less time being shackled by your past. It is so easy to write that, but so hard to live it. I know that you are working very hard towards that goal. You have great courage.
You do seem to have more trust now, and you sound a bit less scared than when I first met you. I hope that you *are* less scared. You have done important work.
Posted by rs on June 12, 2004, at 10:38:21
In reply to Re: Any thoughts » rs, posted by fallsfall on June 12, 2004, at 8:39:36
Thanks. Think that the third part is the best. Scared of exposure and him talking or client about me. Never bothers me to see hime with other clients because like you he gives me what I need and twice a week. Know that he wants to help me and that matters and listens. Just the fact about trust and knowing someone I do. But will work on that. Would never wear a tshirt like that. But did come across a site that think will print those stress relief balls that print on them. So thinking of that. lol. Fallsfall again thanks for the post and support. you know had much transference with old T but this one is so different that have never had that issue. Think like you said he gives me what I need and know that. Big difference. Thanks again.
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