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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shortelise on June 11, 2004, at 9:39:09
How do you feel about mirrors?
I go through periods where I cannot look at myself, I am so ugly. Other times it's ok. Still other times I see beauty in myself.
Is this familiar to anyone?
Shorte
Posted by partlycloudy on June 11, 2004, at 9:54:26
In reply to mirrors, posted by shortelise on June 11, 2004, at 9:39:09
I usually ignore mirrors. Usually when I do look at myself in them, it's just one part of me - my eyes, or hair, or how horrible I look in a pair of pants.
My home has mirror ceiling to floor, wall to wall in many rooms (very 1980's decor), and I don't even see them anymore.
The only time I think I look pretty in a mirror is when I have my makeup mirror lights set on "evening". It's a very kind effect.
Posted by TofuEmmy on June 11, 2004, at 10:05:02
In reply to mirrors, posted by shortelise on June 11, 2004, at 9:39:09
I loath mirrows and avoid them at all costs. Once I went into my T's office and saw that he had installed an antique, heavy framed mirror. I was horrified. My immediate thought was, "Egads, he wants to include this into some twisted tortuous improve-her-self-image B.S." I took many deeps breaths, and finally got up the nerve to say something like, "What is that wretched thing doing here????". The poor man looked surprised and explained that it had no therapeutic use, and he just liked it.
Duh. See, I cause trouble in real life too!
Em
Posted by B2chica on June 11, 2004, at 10:16:03
In reply to mirrors, posted by shortelise on June 11, 2004, at 9:39:09
i must agree with partlycloudy, usually when i do look in them i only see one part of me. not me as a whole just parts.
i do avoid them at all costs, but i think my husband has some freaky connection with them as he keeps buying them (for the frame or the shape..etc.) and he wants to hang them up all over! i HATE THIS. we've fought on many occations luckily i've won most of these. but we still have too many mirrors for my sake. so i have learned to ignore them if possible.
Most of the time i can't stand the way my ugly body taunts me, but every once in a while, (like maybe 3 times a year) i catch a glimpse of i think an "ideal" me. and i just stare as if i can't recognize her and say "this is me?, it's really me. it's my body and i love it all. if i take care of it it will take care of me"...kind of -we're in it together type thing.so yes, i do relate to what you are saying.
B2c.
Posted by lucy stone on June 11, 2004, at 10:21:05
In reply to Re: mirrors » shortelise, posted by B2chica on June 11, 2004, at 10:16:03
I hate mirrors and try very hard not to look in them. Sometimes I feel good about my body and then accidentily catch a mirror glimpse of myself. I almost always go what was I thinking, I am so ugly to look at. Every once and a while I can look in a mirror and not hate what I see, but that is very rare.
Posted by Racer on June 11, 2004, at 11:11:10
In reply to mirrors, posted by shortelise on June 11, 2004, at 9:39:09
HA! Man, I crack myself up.
Yeah, reflective surfaces are not my friends. They're in league against me, every last one of them. When I look into the mirror, right at first, before they realize I'm looking, my body looks kinda normal -- the hips are kinda average sized, etc. As soon as the mirror realizes that I'm looking, though, within the first few seconds, those hips expand to enormous proportions and I'm looking at the Venus of Willendorf.
Other days, my face is so hideously deformed that I can't believe small children don't run away from me on the streets.
There are days - as far as I can recall -- when the face in the mirror is average enough that I think I might not die of pernicious ugliness.
And I do remember there have been times when I thought I could pass for pretty, if no one was being especially critical, or looking too closely.
Most of the time, when I put on makeup, I look at pieces of my face, rather than the whole thing. Some days, the pieces are all negative: the papery wrinkles around my eyes, the chicken pox scar near my nose, the acne scars here and there. Other days, though, I look at the nicely shaped lips, or the quite excellent natural shape to my eyebrows, or even the pretty eyes themselves.
I think the mirror is a supernatural instument, which reflects back to us not what is really there, so much as our internal perceptions of our selves. On days that I think I'm pretty well worth the oxygen I remove from the environment, my mirror tells me that I won't frighten small children. On days that I want to breath more shallowly, so avoid taking more than my share, the mirror shows me someone quite obviously mad and twisted.
Long winded way to say, yeah, I think it's a real phenomenon, related to self-image.
Posted by karen_kay on June 11, 2004, at 12:29:35
In reply to mirrors, posted by shortelise on June 11, 2004, at 9:39:09
i like mirrors. i used to really despise them too. but, now i really love them. i'm honestly not conceited, i swear. but, sometimes it's amazing to me how i used to really hate to look at myself in mirrors and now every time i pass one i look.
one thing that gets me though.... mirrors throw me off sometimes. same with pictures, but i'll stick to mirrors for now. sometimes when i go somewhere and there's a full-length mirror, i don't realize for a while that it's actually me i'm looking at. it honestly takes my brain a minute to figure out that it's me staring back. (and i often find i don't recognize myself in pictures either. many times i've confused myself with my sister and vice versa.)
i honestly used to hate mirrors and i only owned a very small mirror for makeup purposes only. i think that once i got it in my brain that i wasn't ugly (like i'd told myself and grew up hearing) i began to appreciate how pretty i am.
also, mirrors help me figure out the 'perfect' way to sit, or the 'perfect' way to stand, or the 'perfect' way to do anything. maybe i have an unhealthy obsession with mirrors? i doubt it though. if it weren't for mirrors and actually realizing 'those bad thoughts' weren't true, i might still today hate the way i look.
Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 11, 2004, at 13:33:15
In reply to mirrors, posted by shortelise on June 11, 2004, at 9:39:09
It's really slow today at work, so I decided to surf around Babble and found this thread. It's one I can identify with on both sides.
When I gained my heaviest weight (over 250) I didn't want to see a mirror because I still saw myself as the handsome mid-20's rake that I had been while I was in the Army. Mirrors were reality. My size 40 pants were not reality, because while they were larger, they fit (I hid the size 30 pants I used to wear). My short breaths were not reality, that was just from smoking. Mirrors were reality. Mirrors exposed the uncensored truth. I hated mirrors.
However, mirrors helped me a lot when I was suicidal. I knew the person staring back at me wasn't happy, I knew that person used to be someone else... I knew that person... I knew that person was me. In the mirror, looking back at me, was the "me" I was losing. It was the "me" that was going to die. It was the "me" that was still trying so hard to live. Mirrors (and the ability to talk to myself without feeling like a nut ball) helped me a lot.
Nowadays, mirrors are my friend. I absolutely LOVE that handsome rake who grins back at me in the mirror. He's lost his weight, he's shaved his beard (the one he used to hide behind because he had no jaw line) he's got a military haircut, and you know... for 36 years old, he sure does look an awful lot like someone who used to look back at me in the early 90's.
My vote? Mirrors are neutral and inanimate objects that merely reflect back that which we think we see.
Posted by snapper on June 11, 2004, at 15:17:10
In reply to First time on this part of Babble, posted by Scott in Vermont on June 11, 2004, at 13:33:15
> It's really slow today at work, so I decided to surf around Babble and found this thread. It's one I can identify with on both sides.
>
> When I gained my heaviest weight (over 250) I didn't want to see a mirror because I still saw myself as the handsome mid-20's rake that I had been while I was in the Army. Mirrors were reality. My size 40 pants were not reality, because while they were larger, they fit (I hid the size 30 pants I used to wear). My short breaths were not reality, that was just from smoking. Mirrors were reality. Mirrors exposed the uncensored truth. I hated mirrors.
>
> However, mirrors helped me a lot when I was suicidal. I knew the person staring back at me wasn't happy, I knew that person used to be someone else... I knew that person... I knew that person was me. In the mirror, looking back at me, was the "me" I was losing. It was the "me" that was going to die. It was the "me" that was still trying so hard to live. Mirrors (and the ability to talk to myself without feeling like a nut ball) helped me a lot.
>
> Nowadays, mirrors are my friend. I absolutely LOVE that handsome rake who grins back at me in the mirror. He's lost his weight, he's shaved his beard (the one he used to hide behind because he had no jaw line) he's got a military haircut, and you know... for 36 years old, he sure does look an awful lot like someone who used to look back at me in the early 90's.
>
> My vote? Mirrors are neutral and inanimate objects that merely reflect back that which we think we see.Scott I can relate. Mourning my former self. I avoid mirrors most of the time . I don't like to look at my pictures of what I looked like when I was young and still had my looks,was tan and not an overwheight neurotic angst ridden depressive. Vanity is really just that- skin deep. Its funny and very horrible at the same time what this mental beast will do to ones self -esteem. Glad you are feeling better! :)
snapper
Posted by lonelygirl on June 11, 2004, at 19:35:55
In reply to Nope, don't understand that at all » shortelise, posted by Racer on June 11, 2004, at 11:11:10
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040327/msgs/330334.html
Hmmm...> Yeah, reflective surfaces are not my friends. They're in league against me, every last one of them. When I look into the mirror, right at first, before they realize I'm looking, my body looks kinda normal -- the hips are kinda average sized, etc. As soon as the mirror realizes that I'm looking, though, within the first few seconds, those hips expand to enormous proportions and I'm looking at the Venus of Willendorf.
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 12, 2004, at 8:34:45
In reply to mirrors, posted by shortelise on June 11, 2004, at 9:39:09
> How do you feel about mirrors?
Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to redirect this thread to Psycho-Social-Babble. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040611/msgs/356015.html
Thanks,
Bob
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