![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 23:25:44
Am I the only one who feels momentary awkwardness at the beginning of each session? Each time I have a hard time getting started, even though it doesn't last very long, I still feel weird. He usually says "How are you," I say "fine"...he raises an eye brow and we are off! :)
Really though...I'm interested to hear how other folks start. As in, "last time, we talked about" or "today was terrible" or...Do you exchange greetings, "how was your weekend?"...?????
I think it is a control thing (big surprise!) because I'm use to having people seek me out and let me know what they need.
Posted by Adia on October 15, 2003, at 23:55:28
In reply to How Do you Start each session?, posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 23:25:44
Hi Daisy,Thank you for sharing....
You are not the only one!
I find it really hard to start my sessions, and I sometimes waste 20 minutes to try to (find the courage to) say something from my heart.
I often just look at her and take a deep breath and expect her to ask me something or help me start but I know she wants me to be the one to choose or say what I need instead of depending on her..sometimes she says how are you feeling and I say fine..and lately we end up laughing! because we both know that it isn't true or that I am just afraid to start talking. I sometimes tell her I am nervous..or she asks me what is right there in my heart at that moment...what I feel I need to say or share...
I have asked "How are you?" only a couple of times and she was pleased that at least I had tried to talk and changed what I always say...
I usually ask "Is everything okay?"..
If I feel brave I sometimes tell her what feels urgent in my heart..She tells me ..start small..choose a little thread...and I sometimes tell her..I felt an urgency in my heart or really wanted to be here...or I found it hard to get through the days ..and I feel relieved I am here...That is what I usually say...how I feel about being there...I find it really hard to talk...even though I know in my heart what I would like to share, I struggle to get the words out of my mouth and sometimes I can't.
It is good to refer to the last time.. I have told her.."I felt more hopeful after what we talked about .."or "there is something which hurt me about the last time"..
sometimes I just tell her I am afraid I won't be able to tell her what I want..Anything is okay as long as it helps to find a tiny thread to start...then it gets easier...
i find it hard to bring up a topic..but she reassures me it is ok..I definitely find it hard to start sessions and sometimes I just sit there out of breath and she has to help me breathe by saying 'there are no reasons to be afraid, take a deep breath...'.
:o) Just sharing...
wishing you the best,
Adia.
> Am I the only one who feels momentary awkwardness at the beginning of each session? Each time I have a hard time getting started, even though it doesn't last very long, I still feel weird. He usually says "How are you," I say "fine"...he raises an eye brow and we are off! :)
>
> Really though...I'm interested to hear how other folks start. As in, "last time, we talked about" or "today was terrible" or...Do you exchange greetings, "how was your weekend?"...?????
>
> I think it is a control thing (big surprise!) because I'm use to having people seek me out and let me know what they need.
Posted by galkeepinon on October 16, 2003, at 2:46:11
In reply to How Do you Start each session?, posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 23:25:44
I start out by saying 'I'm here, there's some things I need to work through'
I have been in and out of therapy since 1995, so I guess it took me 8 years to get past the transference, trust, and just recently, the *resistance*.
It wasn't easy at all.
Try to remember you are there for you. Please allow your therapist to help you by doing your part and really telling him/her why you are seeking their help.
I know you may feel so, so vulnerable, and in reality you are. As far as 'exchanging greetings', it's just been my experience, that although this is certainly nice, you may want to remember that there are things to be talked about beyond 'how was your weekend'. As a result of these *greetings* the therapist/client relationship can very well feel 'right', however, you then must move on to the real reason/s you are there.
Once you give it time, you will know if it may be a *right* match for you and your recovery. It may not be.
I know one important thing that helpled me was that if I had *transference* issues, I needed to discuss them with my therapist instead of *running* Those transference *issues* may just be a key part to *your* quest to feel better, and certainly get the most out of your sessions.
I was in a day-program back in March 2002, and I busted up when the psychologists and social workers gave me an 'increased ability to *ask* for help' award with a little plastic shiny trophy. I thought this was silly, but after a while, I had realized that I had made a huge step, especially because I didn't even know I had a problem 'asking for help'~but I did!I hope it's time for you to let *them* know what you need:-)
You can be strong, and I wish that for you.
Best of luck!> Am I the only one who feels momentary awkwardness at the beginning of each session? Each time I have a hard time getting started, even though it doesn't last very long, I still feel weird. He usually says "How are you," I say "fine"...he raises an eye brow and we are off! :)
>
> Really though...I'm interested to hear how other folks start. As in, "last time, we talked about" or "today was terrible" or...Do you exchange greetings, "how was your weekend?"...?????
>
> I think it is a control thing (big surprise!) because I'm use to having people seek me out and let me know what they need.
Posted by cubic_me on October 16, 2003, at 5:59:12
In reply to Re: How Do you Start each session? » DaisyM, posted by galkeepinon on October 16, 2003, at 2:46:11
Hi Daisy,
I have mega troubles starting sessions too. I always go in expecting her to start things off, and she always just sits there waiting for me to start - why do I do that?! It normally ends up with me saying 'I dont really know what to say' or 'what' with a little smile!
Often to get me started I say abit about whats happened during the week or how I felt after the last session. Like last time I said that I thought the session went well but I few days after I started getting really down again.
I often feel like asking her questions at the beginning - just to see how she reacts - I might try that next time ;-)
_me
Posted by Dinah on October 16, 2003, at 8:42:10
In reply to How Do you Start each session?, posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 23:25:44
I think I broke him of asking me what I wanted to talk about today. I hated that one. Sometimes he'll just sit down and sort of give me an "ok, I'm ready look", or sometimes he'll start with a comment on the weather or something, or sometimes he'll ask me how i'm doing or how my week went. A lot of times, I'll start myself.
I have this little routine of asking how he's doing, and I've told him that's his cue for telling me if he's going to be leaving town for a few days, or shutting down his practice, or something awful, in addition to his more generic answers.
I used to worry all session that I was going to hear an "Oh, by the way...." so now I try to get it over with at the beginning.
Posted by Penny on October 16, 2003, at 8:49:36
In reply to How Do you Start each session?, posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 23:25:44
I always ask her "How are you?" when I first see her, usually as she's walking in the room behind me getting ready to sit down. Then she says, "I'm fine. And how are YOU?" which is my cue to be honest with her. Though usually I just say "I'm okay...." Then I give her a quick (or sometimes not-so-quick) run-down of the past few days, since I last saw her, and might delve more deeply into something that has been troubling me. Though time-before-last we had talked previously about my talking about some things that happened to me when I was a kid, so I started out (after the weekend recap) by saying, "So, you wanted me to tell you something about my dad..." and got her to explain further.
P
Posted by Poet on October 16, 2003, at 8:55:39
In reply to How Do you Start each session?, posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 23:25:44
Hi Daisy,
I also experience that momentary awkwardness.
My therapist starts out with either "how are you?" or "how was your week?" The answer she is looking for is me blurting out how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it.I have trouble talking to her and she now takes my "good" or "crummy" and asks why are you good, crummy, etc. So the awkwardness doesn't last as long as it used to.
Since I have therapy today, how do I feel? How do you spell "eh" I guess "eh". Why do I feel "eh" because I do. That answer won't cut it.
Poet
Poet
Posted by ive on October 16, 2003, at 10:07:29
In reply to How Do you Start each session?, posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 23:25:44
i don't think you need to ask how they are doing, this is all about you, and it may seem weird, but i imagine you have alot to say, just like everyone else, i just start with when i left the office last and start from there, the counselor should ask you questions to help you along, or at least a good counselor would
Posted by DaisyM on October 16, 2003, at 11:05:10
In reply to Re: How Do you Start each session? » DaisyM, posted by galkeepinon on October 16, 2003, at 2:46:11
Good advice. I do know that I have a problem asking for help, so maybe this is carry over into getting started?
Therapy is so conflicting...don't want to go, can't start, can't stop, don't want to leave.
Ugg
-D
Posted by DaisyM on October 16, 2003, at 11:07:12
In reply to Re: How Do you Start each session? » DaisyM, posted by Dinah on October 16, 2003, at 8:42:10
Dinah,
I love reading your posts :)! I can see you "training" your Therapist. You are very brave about your dependency.
Posted by DaisyM on October 16, 2003, at 11:12:17
In reply to Re: How Do you Start each session? » DaisyM, posted by Poet on October 16, 2003, at 8:55:39
Poet,
My son's Therapist allows 2 "fine"s and 1 "OK" per session. After that...REAL WORDS. It always makes me smile to think about that because how quickly do we all answer the question, "how are you?" with "fine"?I hope today goes well. Maybe try picking one more complicated word instead of "eh" how about "conflicted"...or my personal favorite, "I'm a mess."
-D
Posted by DaisyM on October 16, 2003, at 11:24:45
In reply to Re: How Do you Start each session? » Poet, posted by DaisyM on October 16, 2003, at 11:12:17
WOW, seems like I'm not the only one. (relief)
Thanks for everyone sharing...Adia, it seems like you are trying so hard...and Cubic_me I think sometimes they should start too!Penny and Ive, it sounds like you have the right approach(s) but it is hard for me to be one-sided. I've said it before, it doesn't feel polite. I know, it isn't suppose to be.
Posted by galkeepinon on October 17, 2003, at 3:19:54
In reply to Re: How Do you Start each session? » galkeepinon, posted by DaisyM on October 16, 2003, at 11:05:10
~D Yes, maybe this is carry over into getting started, I really hope so.
Therapy can be a catch 22 eh?
Best wishes:-)
> Good advice. I do know that I have a problem asking for help, so maybe this is carry over into getting started?
>
> Therapy is so conflicting...don't want to go, can't start, can't stop, don't want to leave.
> Ugg
> -D
Posted by fallsfall on October 17, 2003, at 6:40:04
In reply to Re: How Do Start/Thanks Everyone, posted by DaisyM on October 16, 2003, at 11:24:45
I spend the 25 minute drive to his office with the radio off trying to figure out how I'm going to answer "so, how are you?". Even after that substantial contemplation, I often sit there, look out the window and say "uh,.... um..... well...". It is hard every time.
He doesn't want me to be "scripted", but it is hard to just jump in. I try to give him a quick idea of how I will react in the session ("My daughter kept me up till after midnight the last two nights because she had an English project due, so I'm exhausted. And our last session was... was... um... really... hard" (that was planned to be "Our last session was hell", but it didn't quite make it).
It does help to get little things out of the way (scheduling or insurance or one sentance updates on things I got done). Once words are in the air, the hard words don't get so lonely.
You could always say "I never know what to say at the beginning" at which point they say "What do you want to say at the beginning" - sooo helpful!
You are not the only one. In fact, does anyone find it easy?
Posted by ridesredhorses on October 17, 2003, at 8:43:25
In reply to How Do you Start each session?, posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 23:25:44
Hi, My sessions start a little different each time, but my therapist encourages me to keep notes of important thoughts or events that occur during the week. Sometimes, after we say 'good morning' I just start reading the list. That always gets us to something...often something that I forgot to write down!
Also, if either of us is drowning with allergy, we always let the other know...that is usually a day of lighter subject content!
Good Luck.
Red
Posted by Sabina on October 18, 2003, at 0:43:26
In reply to How Do you Start each session?, posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 23:25:44
my therapist always begins by making a few notes amounting to a meds check, noting any changes in type, dose, or side effects, and also how i feel about any or all of these things. i find it to be a good ice breaker and discussing the side effects, or lack thereof, can be a nice segue into the recent quality of my thought processes and feelings in general.
Posted by shar on October 22, 2003, at 20:22:10
In reply to How Do you Start each session?, posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 23:25:44
Well, it varies. Today I walked in, sat down, and said "I did something so f'ing stupid and naive I can't believe it" and burst into tears.
Sometimes, it's "That's a nice (dress, sweater, etc.)" I say to her.
Sometimes, I say "I'm still feeling so pi@@ed at you about last week."
Sometimes, I say "I didn't want to come today." Or, "I really am glad I have this time today."
Variety is the spice of life, I guess.
Shar
Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2003, at 23:09:50
In reply to Re: How Do you Start each session?, posted by shar on October 22, 2003, at 20:22:10
But you usually start, then. I think I like that better than a canned approach from them.
(BTW, I hope you're feeling better.)
Posted by shar on October 23, 2003, at 19:15:11
In reply to Re: How Do you Start each session? » shar, posted by Dinah on October 22, 2003, at 23:09:50
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.