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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by HannahW on October 15, 2003, at 21:10:28
Today I added another plate of therapy onto my already overloaded tray. My AD's have brought about a snowball effect that has resulted in trouble in the bedroom for both my husband and I. It didn't get better, so today we went to see a sex therapist.
Yuck. I'm very open in talking about sex and it doesn't embarrass me at all. But I felt really talked down to. She said I need to be "educated" about the sexual functioning of men, and then proceeded to educate me like I was a pubescent virgin. My husband was trying to explain something to her, and she kept cutting him off and said, "Your talking more and faster isn't going to help me understand any better. I need to process this..." When we asked about how long we should expect to have to see her, she hemmed and hawed all over it, but did say that one time she "cured" a couple in one visit. "Cured?" Like *she* did all the work?! I don't know, maybe I'm just being silly and sensitive.
On top of this one speaking to me like a child, I'm back to wishing my therapist would be my friend. I keep thinking that if she *wanted* to, she could. She just doesn't like me enough to want to. So I'm feeling rather diminished tonight and dreading my appointment with my pdoc therapist tomorrow. It's hard to be with her, growing increasingly fond of her, and have her not feel the same way.
Feeling pretty crappy tonight....
Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2003, at 21:40:06
In reply to Sometimes I hate therapy, posted by HannahW on October 15, 2003, at 21:10:28
:(
That does sound annoying. Did the sex therapist actually listen at all? I went to a dietician once who insisted on going through her whole routine, without regard for what I actually said. Sigh.
But I still think you're better off with a good therapist. Friends are great, and I adore mine. But they aren't therapists, and I'd just as soon not lose my therapist to gain another friend. Is she a good therapist?
Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2003, at 21:44:48
In reply to Re: Sometimes I hate therapy » HannahW, posted by Dinah on October 15, 2003, at 21:40:06
Of course, it's relatively easy for me. I really really suspect I like him better as a therapist than I would as a friend. :)
Posted by HannahW on October 15, 2003, at 22:10:08
In reply to Re: Sometimes I hate therapy » HannahW, posted by Dinah on October 15, 2003, at 21:40:06
This is the second time today I've written a message and had it disappear on me. I'm losing my techno-touch! If this ends up posting twice, I'm sorry.
I do think she listened--she was taking our history, which will continue for at least another session. (Darn! I was hoping for homework!) :)
She just had a condescending attitude, I thought. She even asked me what my educational background was, right before she launched into her big lecture. I actually think she thought I was uneducated and stupid!
I'm appreciating my pdoc therapist more all the time. At first, I had serious doubts about her skills, but she has really done well. Even if she were to agree to be friends, I would at least think twice before giving her up as a therapist. So I guess that's a step in the right direction.
On the other hand, I could certainly use a friend. What sucks is that I know I have to talk about this AGAIN in therapy tomorrow. I'm so pathetic!
H
> :(
>
> That does sound annoying. Did the sex therapist actually listen at all? I went to a dietician once who insisted on going through her whole routine, without regard for what I actually said. Sigh.
>
> But I still think you're better off with a good therapist. Friends are great, and I adore mine. But they aren't therapists, and I'd just as soon not lose my therapist to gain another friend. Is she a good therapist?
Posted by Adia on October 15, 2003, at 23:01:54
In reply to Sometimes I hate therapy, posted by HannahW on October 15, 2003, at 21:10:28
Dear Hannah,
((((Hannah)))
I am sorry you are not having a good night and things were tough today.. :o(
You were and are sooo brave to go to a sex therapist with your husband and to ask for help.
I am sorry it didn't go as you expected and you felt talked down...
I would have felt uncomfortable and hurt. Maybe she didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, but I would definitely feel upset.. :o(Your therapist...
It is true that if she is your therapist she can't be your friend but that doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you...
Maybe you need to feel more support or warmth from her...
My T has shared that she can't be my friend but she says she is my therapist and cares about me..and I feel that and it is okay for me because I do feel her with me and I feel safe when I see her and cared for.
Maybe you need more time with your T to feel safer inside or feel more secure in your relationship with her...I am thinking of you and sending you lots and lots of support...
Wishing you a good session tomorrow..
I'll be holding you close inside my heart,
Adia.
> Today I added another plate of therapy onto my already overloaded tray. My AD's have brought about a snowball effect that has resulted in trouble in the bedroom for both my husband and I. It didn't get better, so today we went to see a sex therapist.
>
> Yuck. I'm very open in talking about sex and it doesn't embarrass me at all. But I felt really talked down to. She said I need to be "educated" about the sexual functioning of men, and then proceeded to educate me like I was a pubescent virgin. My husband was trying to explain something to her, and she kept cutting him off and said, "Your talking more and faster isn't going to help me understand any better. I need to process this..." When we asked about how long we should expect to have to see her, she hemmed and hawed all over it, but did say that one time she "cured" a couple in one visit. "Cured?" Like *she* did all the work?! I don't know, maybe I'm just being silly and sensitive.
>
> On top of this one speaking to me like a child, I'm back to wishing my therapist would be my friend. I keep thinking that if she *wanted* to, she could. She just doesn't like me enough to want to. So I'm feeling rather diminished tonight and dreading my appointment with my pdoc therapist tomorrow. It's hard to be with her, growing increasingly fond of her, and have her not feel the same way.
>
> Feeling pretty crappy tonight....
Posted by fallsfall on October 16, 2003, at 6:12:13
In reply to Re: Sometimes I hate therapy, posted by HannahW on October 15, 2003, at 22:10:08
(((Hannah)))
You are working so hard. I am so proud of you!
I'll try to write more later - severely sleep deprived right now due to daughter's big English paper.
I'll think of you in my naps.
Posted by Poet on October 16, 2003, at 9:04:27
In reply to Sometimes I hate therapy, posted by HannahW on October 15, 2003, at 21:10:28
Hi Hannah,
You are incredibly brave to do sex therapy. Maybe the awkwardness of the session was because it was the first one. The therapist hasn't gotten to know you. Hopefully she'll catch on that she doesn't have to spell it out to you like you're a child.
I think "cured" was a poor word choice. Diseases get cured, sexual dysfunction (especially caused by ADs- I'm with you there!) is a condition, it gets better or resolved, not cured.
Anyway, you are brave to be able to talk openly about sex. That's one topic I have successfully avoided with my T.
Poet
Posted by HannahW on October 16, 2003, at 9:26:09
In reply to Re: Sometimes I hate therapy, posted by Poet on October 16, 2003, at 9:04:27
> I think "cured" was a poor word choice. Diseases get cured, sexual dysfunction (especially caused by ADs- I'm with you there!) is a condition, it gets better or resolved, not cured.
What bothered me about the word "cured" is that it made it sound like *she* did all the work! You're right, diseases can be cured with or without the cooperation of the patient. But therapy of any kind has to include the dedicated, hard work of the patient. Without that, the therapist is powerless. I might be able to accept that a therapist and patient cured the problem together, but I still think that the majority of healing is the result of the patient's efforts.
Posted by Poet on October 16, 2003, at 10:20:51
In reply to Re: Sometimes I hate therapy » Poet, posted by HannahW on October 16, 2003, at 9:26:09
I agree, therapy requires both the therapist and the patient to work together. Therapy is not a quick cure, if she can do that, she would have clients lined up waiting to get in.
I wonder what her answer would be if you asked her how she cured that person in one session? I'll bet she quickly realizes that she didn't mean cure, she meant helped or guided, etc.
Poet
Posted by Penny on October 16, 2003, at 10:36:51
In reply to Sometimes I hate therapy, posted by HannahW on October 15, 2003, at 21:10:28
Sorry to hear about that experience with the sex therapist - but bravo to you for going! It sucks that she was so condescending. And to use the term 'cure' - I think some things can be cured, but those are things that are diagnosable by a blood test or x-ray, not sexual problems or mental problems, etc. Those things can be treated and symptoms can improve...just my opinion.
If she continues to talk down to you, perhaps you should seek another opinion. But, if it were me, I would definitely say something to her, regardless. I think therapists appreciate forwardness: "I just wanted to say that I feel like you're talking down to me, and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't. Thank you."
And if she doesn't respond to that in a helpful manner, then you have every right to find someone else to help you. I'm sure your individual therapist would agree with that!
As for becoming friends with your individual therapist...you said: "She just doesn't like me enough to want to." and I KNOW you know that's not true. She's being a professional, observing and respecting boundaries, and that's what you probably need. I say 'probably' b/c I'm not you, so I can't say for sure. But she is your therapist/pdoc, and it would be wrong (read: unethical) for her to act in any other manner. Plus, you would lose a good therapist, then have to find another, and then what if you ended up feeling the same way about that one?
Try to be thankful that you have a therapist you think so highly of. As you've seen, everyone is not so fortunate with their therapists.
P
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